Win Free State Fair and Chinese Lantern Tickets

Posted on October 5th, 2012 2:26pm by Tim Rogers
Filed under Local News

If you were to come to the D Magazine offices, and if you needed to void your bladder, and if you are a man, then this is the sight that would greet you in our downstairs bathroom. The bull shark that once used those choppers was caught by Bernie Kraft, a really cool guy who used to work here and was killed by cancer at far too young an age. That’s how we remember him, with a shark jaw above the urinal (and with a conference room and a biannual employee performance award named after him).

So then. Best caption wins four tickets to the State Fair and four passes to the Chinese Lantern Festival, which I hear is pretty cool. That’s $120 worth of tickets (Fair is $16, Lantern is $14). Contest ends at noon on Monday. Winner can either pick up the tickets at our downtown office, or I can mail them. But remember: the Fair ends October 21.

65 comments

  1. “The irony is that I could easily handle Tim without opening nearly this wide.”

    @ 2:41 pm on October 5, 2012

  2. That gives new meaning to the phrase Potty Mouth.

    @ 3:27 pm on October 5, 2012

  3. Hit the Target, Win a prize!

    @ 3:34 pm on October 5, 2012

  4. Kinda cool – a shark jaw trophy mounted above a urinal.

    Way cool – a shark jaw trough below a mounted urinal trophy.

    @ 3:36 pm on October 5, 2012

  5. “Choices, choices…”

    @ 3:37 pm on October 5, 2012

  6. “Hey, what’s happening?”
    “Oh, not much, jaws taking a leak.”

    @ 3:41 pm on October 5, 2012

  7. Behold, the new opening sequence for “Shark Tank”!

    @ 3:44 pm on October 5, 2012

  8. “You should see what’s hanging above the toilet.”

    @ 3:46 pm on October 5, 2012

  9. It’s funny how fish get larger when describing them to friends.

    I swear it was bigger than it looks!

    This fish wasn’t caught with that tiny worm.

    @ 3:47 pm on October 5, 2012

  10. Rapists please use upper Urinal.

    @ 3:52 pm on October 5, 2012

  11. The not so glory hole.

    @ 4:11 pm on October 5, 2012

  12. “Anyway, as you can imagine with Steve Irwin for a father, it was an non-traditional bris…”

    @ 4:26 pm on October 5, 2012

  13. Watch your aim!

    @ 4:47 pm on October 5, 2012

  14. All in the whole or else!

    @ 4:47 pm on October 5, 2012

  15. D Magazine: pissing on sharks while pissing off the DMNews, since 1974

    @ 4:50 pm on October 5, 2012

  16. Well, that’s the WORST bait Jaws has ever seen!

    @ 5:03 pm on October 5, 2012

  17. Sharky misses the sound of the ocean. Make Sharky happy and flush. He’s watching you.

    @ 5:06 pm on October 5, 2012

  18. Warning: Do not feed the fish!!!

    @ 5:15 pm on October 5, 2012

  19. Watch your aim, could be fatal!

    @ 5:16 pm on October 5, 2012

  20. He took the bait…

    @ 6:48 pm on October 5, 2012

  21. And the number one reason Tim Rogers pees like a girl, is………….

    @ 7:16 pm on October 5, 2012

  22. Doctor, I was at the urinal when this pair of shark jaws, complete with teeth, fell off a mounted wall plaque directly above me. Hence my visit to your urology clinic today. Why are you laughing? It is true. No, I have not been down on Harry Hines.

    @ 7:19 pm on October 5, 2012

  23. “We’re gonna need a bigger flush.”

    @ 7:23 pm on October 5, 2012

  24. Jump this, bitch.

    @ 7:47 pm on October 5, 2012

  25. I vote RAB.

    @ 8:08 pm on October 5, 2012

  26. You’re gonna need a bigger boat!

    (Jaws 1975)

    @ 10:41 pm on October 5, 2012

  27. Forget the damn shark! In this room – it’s the ZIPPERS that can kill you!

    @ 12:27 am on October 6, 2012

  28. No place for bull sh*t

    @ 12:51 am on October 6, 2012

  29. Don’t eat the mint.

    @ 2:19 am on October 6, 2012

  30. Open up and say “AHHHHHHHHHHH!”

    @ 5:02 am on October 6, 2012

  31. Nature’s calling.. Time for me to take a shark break..

    @ 5:05 am on October 6, 2012

  32. Don’t worry these jaws didn’t come from that hole. Your manhood is safe from this urinal!

    @ 5:49 am on October 6, 2012

  33. Say hello to my little friend.

    @ 8:52 am on October 6, 2012

  34. Bernie was here…

    @ 1:30 pm on October 6, 2012

  35. Jaws #1

    @ 3:39 pm on October 6, 2012

  36. “Shark bait goes here”

    @ 5:26 pm on October 6, 2012

  37. “Baiting” no longer required

    @ 5:29 pm on October 6, 2012

  38. Maneater

    @ 5:43 pm on October 6, 2012

  39. I don’t always use a urinal when I pee, but when I do, I prefer to stare death in the face.

    @ 6:16 pm on October 6, 2012

  40. Welcome to The Linda Lovelace Memorial Urinal.

    Wick it … Wick it good.

    @ 7:06 pm on October 6, 2012

  41. Stay vigal and dont let Cancer take a bite out of you

    @ 5:25 am on October 7, 2012

  42. Be careful where you point that thing.

    @ 10:20 am on October 7, 2012

  43. “Myths and legends die hard in America. We love them for the extra dimension they provide, the illusion of near-infinite possibility to erase the narrow confines of most men’s reality. Weird heroes and mould-breaking champions exist as living proof to those who need it that the tyranny of ‘the rat race’ is not yet final.”
    –Hunter S. Thompson, The Great Shark Hunt, 1979

    @ 2:44 pm on October 7, 2012

  44. Reminds me of an old girlfriend I had, she had teeth that felt just like those look!

    @ 4:05 pm on October 7, 2012

  45. Did you know- sharks have two penises… feeling inferior right about now?

    @ 4:21 pm on October 7, 2012

  46. It’s not how deep you fish, but how you wiggle your worm.

    @ 7:20 pm on October 7, 2012

  47. Friends don’t let friends use the urinal at D Magazine!

    @ 8:34 pm on October 7, 2012

  48. Fish are Friends, not Food. The mint isn’t food either.

    @ 9:58 pm on October 7, 2012

  49. It’s a secret portal to Jim Schutze’s desk.

    @ 1:45 am on October 8, 2012

  50. Quick! Name two things that consume a ton of crap?

    @ 6:23 am on October 8, 2012

  51. In memory of Bernie Kraft, a great shark in the magazine business. Piss your respects and flush.

    @ 7:01 am on October 8, 2012

  52. ……. and I thought I had heard every wild fishing story

    @ 9:28 am on October 8, 2012

  53. Honey I SWEAR I was at the office ALL DAY

    honestly though I think that Gabe wins

    @ 10:23 am on October 8, 2012

  54. Use your worms wisely

    @ 10:39 am on October 8, 2012

  55. Bathroom Procedures: Look down for number one. Look up for number two.

    @ 10:56 am on October 8, 2012

  56. You thought this was bad… I would avoid the stall

    @ 11:10 am on October 8, 2012

  57. … And that, kids, was how I got bit in the head by a shark

    @ 11:13 am on October 8, 2012

  58. worst handjob ever

    @ 11:18 am on October 8, 2012

  59. “Ehh…. the sashimi wasn’t that fresh… D magazine recommend a great place down the street….”

    @ 11:24 am on October 8, 2012

  60. Shy Bladder: Solved

    @ 11:32 am on October 8, 2012

  61. Some pretty good submissions, folks (and some really bad ones). Our winner, by unanimous vote, is Chris Dinsmore: “That gives new meaning to the phrase Potty Mouth.” We’ll have some more tickets to give away this week. Stay tuned.

    @ 1:15 pm on October 8, 2012

  62. I love that you are keeping the memory of my uncle Bernie alive…. employee recognition awards, urinal decorations, etc. He was a great man! Thank You!

    My suggested caption “Urine my way!”

    @ 3:57 pm on October 8, 2012

  63. @Chris Kraft: THAT is a good caption. Well done!

    @ 4:31 pm on October 8, 2012

  64. WOW……only Bernie Kraft could keep his bull shark around for years! Could it be because he always was full of BS….oh sorry I mean Bull Shark! Miss him every day! He was a one wonderful man and one amazing loving father!!! Love and miss you daddy, Kimberly

    @ 10:54 pm on October 8, 2012

  65. Why couldn’t they just throw my ashes in the ocean, Bernie?!?!

    @ 10:38 pm on October 11, 2012