According to Jay Root’s new e-book, Oops! A Diary From the 2012 Campaign Trail, Rick Perry’s dismal showing at the Orlando debate was due to Perry not sleeping the night before. Let’s see.
"Aw, cheese and crackers, Ricky. Why can't you sleep? Come on, come on, come on. Just focus. Come on. Go to sleep. Go ... to ... sleep. Go ... to ... "
"GD, Ricky. You're awake again. Jesus pop-locking Christ. Come on. COME ON. OK. Calm down, Ricky. Deep breath. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go ... to ... sleep. Go ... "
"Well, that is very nice of you, Arnold. I agree that I am in much better shape than you, and I gladly accept this Bear of Awesomeness. You wanna know my secret? That's right. Shake Weight. I also do all the kung fu moves along with Chuck when I watch re-runs of Walker. Uh-huh. That's it."
"Oh, man, come on. Back awake, and during the Governator dream. GD. OK, OK, OK. Let's try it again, Ricky. Big day tomorrow. Gonna give ol' Big Love the what for. OK. Sleepy time. Let's do this. Go to sleep. Go ... to ... sleep. Go ... to ... sleep .... "
“I smoke on the mike like Smokin’ Joe Frazier / The hell-raiser, raising hell with the flavor / Terrorize the jam like troops in Pakistan / Swinging through your town like your neighborhood Spider-man / So, uh, tick tock and keep ticking / While I get you flipping with the s--- I’m kicking / The Lone Ranger, code red, danger! / Deep in the dark with the art to rip charts apart / The vandal, too hot to handle / You battle, you’re saying goodbye like Tevin Campbell / Roughneck, Inspector Rick’s on the set / The rebel, I make more noise than heavy metal!”
"Son of a -- ah, forget this noise. Need to finish 50 Shades, anyway."