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Deron Williams, I Have Upped My Offer

I see you are still on the fence (maybe) (hopefully). In addition to what I offered yesterday, I am now willing to include:

My other ticket to see Louis C.K. on October 20. And I promise to try not to repeat his material poorly. Try not to. I can’t promise I won’t.

An old photo of John Wiley Price hosting a radio show. It’s been on my desk forever. I don’t know why.

My New Edition Icon CD. It doesn’t have “N.E. Heartbreak” on it, for some reason. But it does have “If It Isn’t Love.” Which is awesome.

A D Magazine coffee mug. Yes. That’s right. You heard me.

Five (5) More Free Anecdotes. Remember when I got chemical burns from painting the bleachers at the football field during my summer job working on the maintenance crew? I don’t. Because it happened to you.

Free Thigh Drumming Lessons. Ask around the office. I am the best.

A bear cub. (Note: haven’t secured this yet, but I’m close.)

A firm, All-American handshake.

So … thoughts?

5 comments on “Deron Williams, I Have Upped My Offer

  1. Zac, throw in that return trip to Haiti with me you were wanting so badly. I’m sure he would enjoy dancing with airport hooligans much more that we did.

  2. Unless and until you step it up on the kolache front, there is no chance that he will take your offer(s). Don’t ask me how I know.

  3. I just got back from Brazil and have thongs as gifts. I’ll throw one in. Just let me know his buttcrack size and favorite color.

  4. We don’t need him,
    I tried to tell myself,
    But you can see it in our eyes.
    So don’t deny, we can’t fool no one else,
    The truth’s in the playoff tears I cry.

    Cause if he doesn’t sign,
    When will we feel this way,
    Win another ring again, someday?
    And if he doesn’t sign,
    Will it hurt so bad,
    Make us feel so sad inside?
    If he doesn’t sign …