Dallas County Moves to Ban Some Sort of Crazy Thing Where Ex-Convicts Shred Sensitive Documents. Parolees and probationers could earn community service credit shredding documents like Social Security cards and birth certificates until it was shut down this month. Now the county is looking into a ban on the practice. Honestly, I think that’s why everyone should do what I do with those sorts of documents. First, using a mortar and pestle, I grind the document (along with two or three ears of freshly shucked corn) into a powder — personally, I like to leave it a little coarse, but you might like yours finer. Then I make tortillas. Then I eat those tortillas.
Grand Prairie Woman Saved By Her Mailman. The lesson here: if you’re making fudge, take it off the stove before hopping in the shower. Also, just don’t make fudge. It’s overrated. I mean, yeah, that joint that used to be down in the West End? That was good fudge. But, in general, there are so many better ways to get your chocolate fix. Me? I keep it simple. Just a fistful of baker’s chocolate in a lukewarm bottle of Yoo-Hoo.
There’s a Chance of Snow On Christmas Eve. Only like a 30 percent chance, and I’m not going to be here anyway, so what do I care? Not that you asked, but I’ll be spending Christmas where I always do: at a Catholic mission deep in the interior of Mexico, teaching Nguni stick fighting to the underprivileged.
Dog Flu is Coming! I don’t like the idea of dogs getting sick, because I like most dogs more than most people, but this thing reads like it was dictated but not read by Dr. Kevin “Mad Cow” McCall, sitting president of the Greater Dallas Area Veterinarians Association of Dallas (GDAVAD). But I guess get that $25 vaccine. IF YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR DOG AND DON’T WANT HIM TO DIE.