Articles for December 12th, 2011
When Feral Hogs Escape, Some Make Poor Decisions
When 30 feral pigs escaped a Fort Worth meat processing plant, 28 were quickly rounded up by code enforcement. Most dispersed into the surrounding neighborhood, including eight found under one house. But there was the one porcine beast that clearly made a wrong turn, according to NBC 5′s Omar Villafranca.
“Another one was trapped outside of a barbecue restaurant.”
Villafranca reports that there are still two or three on the loose, and that the ones caught have ranged from 50 pounds to 350 pounds. They are also “mean and come armed with tusks,” and “when they’re charging, they can leap pretty high, up to about four feet.”
To that, I say this.
An Open Letter to Headline Writers Everywhere
Yes, Khloe Kardashian is married to Lamar Odom, who is now a Maverick. Yes, all female Kardashians (which seriously sounds like something that tried to kill Spock or something in a Star Trek episode) have names that start with K.
But for the love of God, can we not write headlines that replace the hard C in words with a K? I’m looking at you, CBS 11, and warning the rest of you. Just don’t. Please.
DeMarco Murray Will Sit Out His TweetUp Party
Verizon Wireless had themselves a gig planned for tonight, a TweetUp with Cowboys running back DeMarco Murray at Brackets. Well, the PR agency putting the thing together just sent out a note: “Hi — in light of DeMarco Murray’s injury last night, he will not be attending tonight’s TweetUp Party. Thanks for your understanding.” The PR agency then looked out the window before adding, “This is not what we wanted.”
Rating the Mavericks’ Moves So Far
The NBA has been back only for, like, a week, and already the Mavericks have a vastly different roster than the last time we saw them, hoisting the Larry O’Brien trophy in Miami. Let’s look at what’s happened so far, because I’m still waiting for the heat to die down from Rick Perry parodying himself so I can get back to parodying him.
When a Christmas Party Turns Into a Blood Test
I’m not sure how I feel about this. The Wall Street Journal had a story this weekend about the Texas blood-test policy dubbed “No Refusal,” when law enforcement officials take blood–sometimes by force–from a drunk driving suspect who has refused a breathalyzer. Though defense attorneys and civil-liberties-minded people certainly take issue with this, Texas courts don’t have a problem with the practice, and prosecutors love it. (“If it bleeds, it pleads,” said Fort Worth prosecutor Richard Alpert…and then he looked out the window.)Â On the one hand, drunk driving is a serious problem, especially in Texas. We lead the nation in drunk-driving related fatalities. On the other hand, the idea of strangers being legally allowed to strap you down, open your flesh, and take your blood against your will is pretty terrifying.
Things To Do In Dallas Tonight: Dec. 12
On Saturday, I was attacked by a Christmas tyrant in a Cowboys jersey. He loudly told me to “smile, it’s the holidays!” I swear I saw him again yesterday at the grocery, yelling, “Christmas! Ice cream for everyone!” Anyway, after the Cowboys’ loss last night, this guy is probably much less cheerful. Just deserts for accosting a neutral-looking stranger on the street, I say.
You know what’s nice, though? The Genesis Women’s Shelter’s adopt a family program. Starting today, you can make like a very generous elf and drop off the unwrapped gifts at Inwood Village. (The location is between the Neiman Marcus Last Call and Cantina Laredo.) Just call or email Murphey Sears at Genesis for the name of a woman in need, and you’ll get a shopping list. I love lists so much, especially crossing things off. Afterward, stop in to the Lounge at the Inwood Theatre for a martini. I’ve heard that place is haunted, but I can’t confirm. The only blast from the past during my last visit was a DJ spinning all oldies.
And if you happen to be in Plano, head to Urban Crust for a surefire cure for holiday woes: beer, and potentially pizza. Partake in five seasonal courses created by chef Salvatore, paired with appropriately seasonal beer. Reservations are required, so call before you show up.
For more to do this evening, go here.
Alec Baldwin as an American Airlines Pilot on SNL
In case you missed you, here’s Alec Baldwin on Saturday Night Live, apologizing to himself. From what we’ve been told, the guy is a jerk in real life. I don’t care. Because on TV, he’s charming.
The Kardashian Show Is Coming To Town
Missed this key bit of sidebar information related to the Lamar Odom trade: the new Mavs star, arriving via the L.A. Lakers, brings some grade A reality stardom in tow, namely one Khloe Kardashian, the b-baller’s wife. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, a real life Kardashian, dwelling (sort of) in our land of end zone go-go-dancers. Â How does dear double-K feel about the move? Well, forget reports that she is sad, let’s just turn to Twitter:
“I can survive anywhere. As long as I’m with Lam, I’m good.”
Uh oh. Later, she adds:
“I am blessed and happy anywhere as long as I am with my family! God is great!!”
Allahu akbar indeed, Ms. Kardashian. Welcome. Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll fit right in. And it sure ups the anti on our other A-Listers.
Leading Off (12/12/11)
Terrell Owens Financial Troubles Shine Light on Dallas Real Estate: From the look of the photo on TMZ, the condo that the mercurial Dallas wide receiver purchased for nearly $2 million in 2008 was in The House. Owens was forced to part with the condo for $1.6 million last month, or somewhere around $350,000 less than he spent on the place, which says as much about the team-less Owens’ financial health as it does about the ever-softening Victory Park real estate market.
UPDATE: The House, Azure; Victory Park, Harwood: all the generi-lux really does blur together. That said, the FBvians in the comments are right, TO’s former pad was at the Azure.
Parents in Custody After Severe Case of Child Neglect: This story is pretty disgusting (flaking skin?!), but it is encouraging that it was a teenager visiting the house of Justin and Brittany Alston in Hood County who called the police after noticing that the couple’s 8-month-old child was starving to death. The baby is now in critical condition at Cook Children’s Medical Center. It may sound odd, but I sure hope drugs were involved. At least it would be an explanation.
Cowboys Iced: For the second week in a row, Dallas Cowboys kicker Dan Bailey hit a last second field goal only to have to try to kick it again because of a last second timeout before the snap. Two weeks in a row, Bailey didn’t make the second attempt (granted, last night’s kick was blocked). Oh, and adding injury to insult, Dallas running game revelation, DeMarco Murray, fractured and sprained his ankle. And the defense blew a 12-point lead. Hello December!
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