C.J. Wilson to Make Decision Thursday. Or so reports say. But after all that June Jones craziness yesterday, who knows when it comes to reports anymore? Anyway, whenever Wilson decides where he’s going to go, it’s looking like the erstwhile Rangers pitcher will take his two iPads, entertaining Ben & Skin Show theme song, brah-dude cadence, extensive collection of Oakleys, and Mountain Dew ad lifestyle somewhere else. My son, a budding awful and generic sports talk host, will be thrilled.
Organized Retail Criminals Are On the Prowl at Grocery Stores. According to Police Chief David Brown, these rings of thieves are as sophisticated as drug cartels and they go after smaller high-end products like razor blades and baby formula (they scoop it from cans into sacks). “So the organized retail criminals can come in, steal that product from us, then have an ease of reselling it either at flea markets or electronic mechanisms,” said Kroger’s Gary Huddleston, who was clearly not prepared to make a statement (”electronic mechanisms”??) and also has the exact name you’d expect from someone representing Kroger. “Kroger’s Gary Huddleston” — it just feels … right, no?
Essentially Everything You See Could Be A Hidden Camera. Says this story. Can of air freshener? Camera, just like the the one they found in the changing area at a Plano recreation center. Cup of coffee? Cup of camera. Your co-worker’s sack lunch? Camera. That desk over there? Camera. My iPhone? Ca-muh-ra. The Wilco song that just came up on Pandora? “Kamera.” That cute girl in HR you’re working up the courage to talk to? Camera. ROBOT CAMERA. Keep your head on a swivel, gang. It’s like a Rockwell song out there.
“Man Accused of DWI in Forklift Chase Found Incompetent to Stand Trial.” “I can’t believe that,” said no one ever. Also, that forklift? CAMERA.
3 comments
Zac to register five for a price check….Zac could you please come to register five for a price check.
Thanks Zac. I’ve just updated our company’s forklift operational policy.
This comment? Camera.