A D Magazine Guess-tigation: Continuing Coverage of Tom Leppert’s Hand Gestures

Conservative Tom Leppert released another conservative campaign ad for his conservative run for the U.S. Senate as a conservative. And with it, he’s debuted a new package of hand gestures. We’ve had our team in the lab all morning breaking down game tape. Here are their findings.

A little more confrontational than his normal starting position, this is like him rolling up the sleeves on his paws, ready to get down to GD business.

A little more confrontational than his normal starting position, this is like him rolling up the sleeves on his paws, ready to get down to GD business. Based on the position of his hands, he wants you to ask: Who is this swaggering gunslinger? He does not want you to actually think too hard about the answer, though.

That allows for an easy transition into this one. Now that's he's got his metaphorical sleeves rolled up -- but not, of course, his actual sleeves, because that is for dirty liberals and non-job creators -- he's able to go into cocky attack mode. He's got his fingers spread out, presenting them to the audience, preening a bit, like a peacock. A conservative peacock with a haircut you can set a watch by.

That allows for an easy transition into this one. Now that he's got his metaphorical sleeves rolled up -- and even his actual sleeves, even though that kind of business is normally the province of dirty liberals and non-job creators and other people who wear dungarees and so on -- he's able to go into cocky attack mode. He's got his fingers spread out, presenting them to the audience, preening a bit, like a peacock. A conservative peacock with a haircut you can set a watch by.

This is just a slight twist on the last one, but an important one. He's already called your bluff, asked you to step outside, and now you've backed down. This is an exclamation point on that confrontation. Just a pause, hands still out there, kind of raising their chin at you, sneering. WHAT NOW, HUH? YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

This is just a slight twist on the last one, but an important one. He's already called your bluff, asked you to step outside, and now you've backed down. This is an exclamation point on that confrontation. Just a pause, hands still out there, kind of raising their chin at you, sneering. WHAT NOW, HUH? YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

This is the star of the new collection: the Double Stop Sign. If the earlier, more confrontational poses were like him brandishing a gun, this is him using it, firing a warning shot. It's like, "LISTEN! I am not a career politician but I am absolutely begging you right now, please please please drop whatever you are doing, as long as it's not something involving an American flag or creating a job for an American or something like that, and please help me become a career politician! Cornflower blue shirts don't buy themselves. I need earmarks!"

This is the star of the new collection: the Double Stop Sign. If the earlier, more confrontational poses were like him brandishing a gun, this is him using it, firing a warning shot. It's like, "LISTEN! I am not a career politician but I am absolutely begging you right now, please please please drop whatever you are doing, as long as it's not something involving an American flag or creating a job for an American or something like that, and please help me become a career politician! Cornflower blue shirts don't buy themselves. I need earmarks!"

The Word Maker. This is a simple but effective framing device. Sort of a reverse show and tell: he says something, then holds it up for you, in case you missed it. He's working on making it bilingual, not because he supports illegal immigration but because he'd liked to be well-rounded.

The Word Maker. This is a simple but effective framing device. Sort of a reverse show and tell: he says something, then holds it up for you, in case you missed it. He's working on making it bilingual, not because he supports illegal immigration but because he'd like to be well-rounded.

Another great new addition: the Hand Puppet. I like that he held back such an obvious choice for later in the campaign. It's like, yeah, I know, i know, but man, hold on, we'll get there. Just be patient. That's the sort of restraint you are looking for from a senator, right? Don't leave me hanging. That's what you want, right? Right? RIGHT?!

Another great new addition: the Hand Puppet, aka the Parrot. I like that he held back such an obvious choice for later in the campaign. It's like he's saying, "Yeah, I know, I know, but man, hold on, we'll get there. Just be patient. That's the sort of restraint you guys are looking for from a senator, right? Don't leave me hanging. That's what you want, right? Right? RIGHT?!"

And finally, a reminder. Just holding his paws there, arms in tight, every digit exposed. Here they are. Take a long look. This is me, Tom Leppert. I've got conservative talking points and these hands. Whaddya think?

And finally, a reminder. Just holding his paws there, arms in tight, every digit exposed. Here they are. Take a long look. This is me, Tom Leppert. I've got conservative talking points and these hands. Whaddya think?

3 comments

  1. I need to ask once again what’s going on in Tom Leppert’s house. So I’ll do it: what’s going on in Tom Leppert’s house? Looks to me like he shot this commercial in his garage. Maybe it’s the breezeway between his house and his garage. Either way, he has taken “industrial chic” too far.

    @ 11:27 am on November 1, 2011
  2. Looks like an abandoned warehouse. If the camera panned down to the floor, we’d probably be treated to a tangle of dirty blankets, umpteen discarded Steel Reserve 40s, a can of Campbell’s Chunky soup with a spoon sticking out and a couple of water-warped skin mags.

    I have no idea what’s going on in the Leppert household, but if his wife kicked him out, it certainly seems he could afford a room at the Stoneleigh. This ad has “Will Legislate For Food” written all over it.

    @ 2:57 pm on November 1, 2011
  3. Caption contest? How lame. But at least this sheds some light on Tom’s domestic situation and where his head’s at:

    1
    Whats a guy to do — can’t live with’em, can’t live without’em. Am I right?

    2
    Oh, I see, so you think what I did was reprehensible, eh? Well, thanks for the support, brother!

    3
    Look, it was just a little bit of “this here” on the side. I got red blood in my veins, all right? Big deal.

    4
    But oh no no no no, let’s not cut Tom some slack!! It’s not like he supported his wife and family for 25 years or anything!!

    5
    Look, you God damn superior son of a bitch. I’ll bet your record isn’t so squeaky clean.

    6
    Sometimes a guy’s libido exerts a few extra foot-pounds of energy per second — per second! — and he winds up living in an abandoned warehouse, that’s all.

    7
    So. Hey. Look. I’ve got a check coming general delivery to the P.O. that’ll arrive any day now. This would just be a temporary loan.

    @ 3:33 pm on November 1, 2011