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Leading Off (9/23/11)

Beebe Be Gone. Now that the schools of the Big 12 are apparently staying together and won’t be becoming the Big Pac WAC Mountain East West South North Patriot Conference USA, Commissioner Dan Beebe has stepped down.

Smoker Non Grata. Baylor Health System unveiled a new policy that will allow smokers who already work for the hospital system to continue to do so, but will put the kibosh on hiring anyone who is a smoker. You get to pee in a cup and everything. Some people think it’s kind of discriminatory and something of a slippery slope.

Smoked Out. Poor Ronnell Nicholson can’t catch a break. He’s been out of work for almost a year, and when he tried to do something about it by attending a job fair, his car caught on fire in the parking lot while he was applying for jobs, further hampering his ability to you know, find a job.

Frozen or Rocks. Lower Greenville Blue Goose Cantina bartender Juan Valdez has served many, many margaritas. How many? Well, either last night or next month (seriously, the article first says next month, then says Sept. 22, which was definitely last night) Valdez was/is set to serve his one millionth margarita. So you either missed a great drink special or you can put it on your calendar.

Happy Weekend. And also, happy National Checkers Day and Dog in Politics Day. And, in advance, happy International Rabbit Day, National Cherries Jubilee Day, and National Comic Book Day.

Eric Celeste Shoots a Middle Finger to Dallas

I wish I’d known about this earlier so I could have had the time to workshop my jokes. But our old buddy Eric Celeste has been named the editor in chief of Atlanta’s Creative Loafing. You can read how “incredibly excited” he is about the new gig on their blog. Feel free, those of you who know Eric, to use our comments section to tell the CL staff what they need to know about their new boss.

Should Dallas Fear the Falling Space Junk?

According to this (free-but-not-for-long) story by Jeffrey Weiss at the DMN, not really. “Chances are small, but not zero, that we’ll even see a splash of light across the sky as it burns and disintegrates.”

The best part (aside from the fact that we probably won’t get hit in the head by a falling satellite) might be the quotes from Marc Hairston, a space science researcher at UTD. First quote of the entire story: “The earth is very big.” The only other quote in the story, about how the satellite could potentially land almost anywhere: “Santa Claus and the penguins are safe.” Scientists are funny.

Leading Off (9/22/11)

Rangers Cut Their Magic Number to Three. Josh Hamilton and Ian Kinsler homered, C.J. Wilson got his 200th strikeout (first Ranger pitcher to do so since Nolan Ryan in 1991), and my magic number remains 8.

LBJ Gets More Terrible. Just everyone promise me you won’t go on there, OK? PROMISE.

Questions Raised About Trinity River Quality. I guess no part of the Trinity is worth a dang. Not one part.

Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe Working on His Exit. Kind of a surprise, since Beebe has handled the turmoil surrounding the conference (HQ’d in Irving) over the last year almost perfectly. Except for a few things. Among them: everything.

I’m One of the Best Highway Drivers Who Has Ever Graced Our Nation’s Highways With His Highway Driving. Seemed worth mentioning. Terrible on surface streets, though. Just terrible. But on a highway? Jeez. Forget about it.