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Friday Hypothetical Question

If the lockout holds and there is no NBA season, do you think I could still play a passable version of the drum parts on Metallica’s “One” using two blue-ink Papermate pins, my desk, a metal water bottle, this stack of file folders, and my natural charisma?

  • Alan

    Mr. Chairman, I move approval of a substitute motion for this substitute hypothetical question: If President Obama is re-elected next year, and Democrats win all 535 seats in the House and Senate, where would they look for a Republican to whom they could surrender?

  • Chris

    Depends on your double-kick prowess

  • http://frontburner.dmagazine.com Zac Crain

    @Chris: Great point. Obviously, yes.

  • Chris

    Now if you really want to man up, I’d start working on “Dyers Eve,” it could take the whole lockout.

  • meddling moderate

    No, you’d have to tap deep into your supernatural charisma to pull it off.

    What does the NBA lockout have to with Metallica desk drumming?

  • http://frontburner.dmagazine.com Zac Crain

    @meddling moderate: What DOESN’T it have to do with the NBA lockout? THINK ABOUT IT.

  • meddling moderate

    ^do

  • TLS

    You wouldn’t even get to the “darkness imprisoning me” part without those pens exploding. Papermate pens suck.

  • http://frontburner.dmagazine.com Zac Crain

    @TLS: I have a (moderately) clean (and certainly ink-free) desk that says otherwise.

  • meddling moderate

    Maybe, you could adopt a new sport and team to obsess over until the lockout gets worked out. Premier League maybe? WNBA?

  • http://frontburner.dmagazine.com Zac Crain

    @mm: I follow Everton. But my top priority is going to be the pen drumming, I think.

  • md

    Metallica has a drummer?

  • http://www.dallasmagpies.com El Rey

    I learned to play the rythym and lead guitar parts while I was deployed to Bosnia – on an acoustic guitar. Man, I burnt through some strings that winter.

    The double kick will probably drive your coworkers up the wall. (Rob Schneider voice) YOU CAN DO IT!!!

  • JB

    I think that if the lockout happens it would cause one to fall in a state of such despair, that the ensuing agony would inspire the ability for you to at least play Led Zepplin’s “Moby Dick” with a couple of tightly rolled up post-it notes and an empty Dickies BBQ cup. …But definitely NOT Metallica’s “One”.

  • Blake

    Toffees fan. This explains a lot.