Reaction to the Heat Wave, Day By Day

Day 1: Whatever, it’s Texas.

Day 2: Whatever, it’s Texas.

Day 3: Whatever, it’s Texas.

Day 4: Whatever, it’s Texas.

Day 5: Whatever, it’s Texas.

Day 6: Ah, jeez. But whatever, it’s Texas.

Day 7: Will you just — I mean, can I have a second here? F—!

Day 8: What’s the record?

Day 9: (neck deep in a pool) Whatever, it’s Texas.

Day 10: (CRAZY sunburned) Ah, ah, ow. Dude!

Day 11: Whatever, it’s … whatever.

Day 12: Seriously? (sends twitpic of car’s digital thermometer)

Day 13: (day-long nap)

Day 14: What did you say the record was?

Day 15: I wonder how tight Pete Delkus’ weather pants are?

Day 16: Why did I buy a dog?

Day 17: Why did I have kids?

Day 18: Why didn’t I take that job in Minnesota?

Day 19: Yes, jerk, I know the winters are worse there than the summers are here. JESUS. I’m just saying.

Day 20: Just — will you freaking drop it? It was just an idea.

Day 21: Oh, halfway there? Well, then, LET’S DO THIS.

Day 22: Record, mother truckers.

Day 23: Yeah, I don’t know why we’re excited about this either.

Day 24: Tropical Storm Don, WHAT. WHAT.

Day 25: That was, huh, what just happened there?

Day 26: We’re probably going to come up one day short. That’s just perfect.

Day 27: (drunk)

Day 28: (hungover) (then drunk)

Day 29: I wonder how many years off my life I’ve lost living in Texas. It’s got to be … a lot.

Day 30: HOW HOT?

Day 31: Man, that Mavs championship run was pretty, pretty great, no? (sinks underwater for an uncomfortably long time)

Day 32: What was rain like?

10 comments on “Reaction to the Heat Wave, Day By Day

  1. Give that man a weather gig. If he roll up his sleeves and do mock concern during hail.

  2. Jesu, that’s hilarious and SPOT ON. I wanted to break the record too until I put two thoughts into how much its going to cost to re-sod my f-ing lawn.

  3. I was actually in Indianapolis last weekend with friends. It was consistently around 95 degrees all weekend, but for a glorious 15 minutes on Friday evening.

    Most thought us strange as we set down our beers and wandered outside the bar. Not caring if the light was green, or red, the rain had us standing in the streets as cars past us by.

    We raised our arms and let the sky open upon us, drenching us with her mana.

    Then OJ appeared out of nowhere and lopped Karl’s head right off with a sicle.

    Rain rocks, isnt it?

  4. Every year there is a persistant high pressure system that camps out over the state of Texas from July to September. Every year. Those of you (mostly transplants) that can’t handle it, well, you are invited to leave my beloved state. Otherwise, stop complaining! Our soldiers have it way worse with the heat they take ALL YEAR LONG.