Articles for April, 2011
Mike Moncrief Is Not Spider-Man
Enjoy the following video of Fort Worth Mayor Mike Moncrief (who was clearly separated at birth from Jack Warden). Yes, it’s funny when he bumps his arse on the building, but it’s even funnier when the camera pans out and you realize exactly how high in the air he is.
Speaking of Having Babies and Taking Time Off
Richie Whitt isn’t the only person around here who doesn’t understand what it takes to be a good parent. James Nowlin is trying to unseat Councilwoman Angela Hunt in District 14. Good luck with that. Nowlin recently sent out a campaign mailer that says, in part:
Dallas can’t afford two more years of Hunt! DID YOU KNOW??? Your current councilmember was late or absent at 80% of Council meetings, missing 189 votes in the past term.
Let’s see here. Why would Hunt have missed 189 votes? Oh, right. SHE HAD A BABY. Hunt took five weeks off — you know, because she’s a total slacker, like Colby Lewis. One more thing: the Council votes on items every other Wednesday. During each voting session, the Council might tackle upwards of 100 items, which means that those 189 votes that Hunt missed equates to about two weeks of missed work.
Leading Off (4/22/11)
Barkley Claims Blazers Have Better Fans. Are we going to take that lying down? PROBABLY.
Purse Snatcher Gives Afroman Explanation. Javier Duenas says he doesn’t remember dragging Adrianna Ibarra several feet when he tried to steal her purse, or that he threatened to rape her. Why? Because he got high.
Day 121.3658 of Our Long National Richie Whitt Uterus Outrage A-Go-Go. Apparently it was all Greggo’s idea. And Richie says he sent Colby Lewis a note saying it wasn’t anything personal. Because nothing is less personal than criticizing a man for opting to attend the birth of his stupid second child. As a firstborn, I agree that this is a total non-event, and expect that Richie won’t care much about the Rangers going to the World Series ever again, because it will be the second time. He should just stay home and do his regular job, which I don’t think has anything to do with baseball. Or sports.
You Can Learn Things On Twitter. For instance, I learned that Martellus Bennett likes the Jonas Brothers, recently cleaned out his closets, and is getting married. Also, he says he might end up someplace else other than the Cowboys. Maybe I buried the lede there.
Happy Three Day Weekend. Unless you don’t have Good Friday off. In that case, happy regular weekend. And for all you people who gave up something for Lent, YOU TOTALLY GET IT BACK TODAY.
Steve Kemble Crowned Maddest Hatter at the Dallas Arboretum
Steve Kemble
Once again Steve “Mr. Sassiest Lifestyle Guru” Kemble stole the show at the Dallas Arboretum’s Mad Hatter’s Tea Party today. Last year he scored points sporting a Super Bowl XLV stadium complex on his head.
This year with the upcoming royal nuptials of Kate and William, he opted for a more regal look with a “Kate in Wonderland” chapeau.
Evidently Steve’s fashion dictionary does not have the word “subtle” in it.
Retail price for the hat is $3,000.
Gov. Perry Gets an Award
Gov. Rick Perry, not answering questions.
It promised to be an interesting evening at the Strait Lane mega-manse of Kenny and Lisa Troutt. Actress Janine Turner, now a conservative political sort, would be hooking up with left-of-center Hollywood type Richard Dreyfuss for a dinner honoring Gov. Rick Perry with something called the “Constitutional Champion Award.” Equally as intriguing was the rare opportunity to buttonhole the guv in person with a few questions.
Standing in the Troutts’ crowded living room Wednesday night, Perry, to his credit, agreed to an interview and said to fire away. But just then an aide materialized, whispering that the event organizers had stipulated that no questions were allowed. Perry deferred to the organizers, and the aide said the answers to the queries would be on file with the “press office” in Austin, anyway. You had to wonder: Why so damn skittish? As the governor was about to prove to the crowd of 600, he can probably perform about as well as anyone who ever occupied the office.
SlutWalk Planned for Dealey Plaza
Earlier this month, Dallas SlutWalk launched its Facebook page in advance of what I assume will be the first ever slutwalk in Dallas, planned for April 23 at Dealey Plaza. What is a slutwalk, you ask? From Dallas SlutWalk:
A Slutwalk is a walk in which women (and men) walk to protest rape culture and slut shaming. It is also to promote the idea that a slut isn’t necessarily bad, but that society is constantly putting a bad connotation on the word itself.
You can learn more about it here. One presumes former Observer scribe Andrea Grimes is already signed up. (And, please, people. I’m not calling Andrea a slut. I’m just saying that this is her bailiwick. That’s all. (By the way, it’s especially delicious to read her post about her former co-worker, Richie Whitt. First sentence: “It can be hard to tell that Dallas Observer sports blogger Richie Whitt is a sports blogger, since his professional blog, the one that is actually hosted on Village Voice servers, largely consists of pictures of women in various states of undress and reflections on recent Korn performances, so you could be forgiven for wondering where the hell he thinks he gets off shitting on Texas Rangers pitcher Colby Lewis for having the gall to miss a start in favor of attending the birth of his second child.”))
Things To Do in Dallas Tonight: April 21
I think April showers are officially upon us. Or at least miserable April misty drizzle. Either way, it was with extreme reluctance that I pulled my jacket out of my closet this morning.
Honesty is the best policy, and honestly, I do not know very much about jazz music. But I have a fond memory of a Sunday evening not too long ago, ducking into a random, not even a little bit famous jazz bar in Harlem. I drank Japanese beer and let a lady just blow me away with her voice. Now, the Winspear Opera House is no dinky club, but I think you’ll appreciate the great acoustics for tonight’s Jazz Roots performance.
Appropriately titled Three Generations of Divas, Dianne Reeves, Jane Monheit, and Nikki Yanofsky are gifted ladies who range in age from 55 to 17. Reeves has won four Grammys, Monheit has performed for the president, and Yanofsky, well…she recorded a song for the High School Musical 2 soundtrack. But first, in 2006, she became the youngest artist ever to headline the Montreal International Jazz Festival. She covered Ella Fitzgerald’s “Airmail Special” when she was 13. My jealousy is really raging out of control here. It’s almost hard to believe that all this talent can fit on one stage. I’ve heard no rumors of a Glee-style “diva off” (thank goodness), but you never know.
But seriously, if you’re at all into jazz, especially of the vocal variety, you should probably ditch whatever plans you had for tonight and get yourself a ticket to this. Orchestra level seating is mostly sold out, but any of the upper tiers would work just fine. As a warm up, listen to Dallas’ own Shelley Carroll play a few tunes right here in our office. And I was just about to lament that I’m a little tired of the Arts District restaurants when I remembered that The Commissary, Chef John Tesar’s latest concept, opened for dinner yesterday. Let’s try it out and be all judgmental, shall we?
For more things to do in Dallas tonight, go here.
Outside Magazine Investigates Evolv Water
Brian Alexander, writing for Outside, is careful not to call Trey White’s cancer-fighting Evolv water a pyramid scheme. Instead, he says Evolv’s “complicated fiscal geometry” looks like a ziggurat. Here’s a taste of the story:
… [White's] core team includes a guy associated with a fringe cancer clinic, another who was found to be a swindler, and MLM vets who’ve sold iffy products in the past. More recently, in mid-February, White agreed to merge EvolvHealth with another MLM, called Xowii, which was formed by James Christiansen, a onetime fixture with the MonaVie MLM. In addition, Evolv’s new president, Josh Higginbotham, is a former Xowii executive who once worked for an MLM called cPrime, which sells a bracelet that “acts as a bio-antenna, altering the way your body interacts with its electromagnetic environment, which may help to balance and optimize biological responses.”
Local Magazine Editor Talks Steak on TV
For those who missed my appearance on Fox Channel 4 this morning, here’s the video. You are invited to savage me in the comments.
You Can Start Avoiding 635 Right About Now, Ctd.
A driving FrontBurnervian raises some interesting questions about how roadways around these parts are managed.
Just a thought on LBJ being under construction for five years. Is the road not owned by the citizens of Dallas County? In making this decision, was there ever a vote by the citizens of Dallas County to do this, by the citizens who own the road? Or a vote by our elected leaders? Who made this decision, someone appointed? If you are going to shut down a road owned by the citizens, make part of it a toll road (controlled by a foreign company), shouldn’t the owners of that road, the citizens, get a vote? It appears the road authorities may be out of control, acting not in the best interest of the citizens. Why do appointed people get to make this huge financial decision with no responsibility to the citizens?
Example: the Tollway between downtown and LBJ is paid for, but they keep charging those who use the road in that area a toll, to pay for the toll road into Collin County. I rarely go to Collin County and would be happy to pay a toll if I did. But to go home from downtown to Mockingbird, that stretch is paid for, and I still have to pay a toll. Is that fair?
Gosh, I Love Public Transportation
It leads to delightful conversations like this.
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