My boy’s school is closed for the day, so I dragged him to work with me. Today’s the last day of our deadline for the April issue. Attention to this deadline has kept me from the blog. So I gave my boy an assignment: “Write a blog post about what it is you think I do here at D Magazine.” Here is what he typed up. I didn’t edit it.
Today I went to my dads office and I have witnessed some things that are top secret, because if I told what they were my “dad” would get fired. Okay now that I have you hooked I will tell you what they are. He will get his work done on time, but in the proses of doing so he will take periodic brakes, like walking around the office in his socks for about 10 to 15 minutes. But his favorite thing to do is talking with his best office BUDDY and telling jokes. And to me the only resin things get done around here is because of their beast boss, Wick. He will stop at nothing to get this “dad” of mine to either write a story or mess with the sentences and make sure they are spelled write. But all in all D Magazine does a pretty good job!
P.S. But if you ask me i would say that this company could do way better off with a different editor or a person to take his place. Also feel free to send money for this wonderful blog post.
21 comments
I’ve always quibbled with your conception of “editing” anyway — as you usually ham-fistedly strip all the vitality and originality out of the works you touch — so I’m glad you left your son’s blog post alone.
I say give the kid the back page.
Best,
MC
Um, why is “dad” in quotes. Is there something you’re not telling us, Tim?
@Tim
When are we going to see a cage match of your boy and the boy that lives in Wilonsky’s house? Make them beat each other senseless with AP Style Manuals (spiral edition, not bound).
Apparently your “boy” has some doubts about his heritage.
Love the scare quotes around “dad.” I imagine Tim is feeling rather smallishly inauthentic at the moment. Perhaps he’s even wondering what devastating revelation he failed to register or simply waved off due to drunken absorption in a television program. Well, don’t sweat it, Tim. I know I’ve waved off some doozies for similar reasons. No doubt I’ve gained and lost fortunes without even realizing it; to be sure, there are certain magistrates who swear up and down that I had a second wife and that I must not contact her. Luckily, I wouldn’t know how — such are the windfalls of a charmed life.
And I never thought I’d see Wick’s name in the same sentence as the word resin, but that’s what good writing does — challenges one’s assumptions and casts the world, or some small part of it, in a new light, making it, for just one moment, a more magical place.
Life is a richer proposition for this blog post. I give the boy an A.
So if your son is at work with you, does this mean someone else gets his spot at school?
Thirty-seven thumbs up!
Both Hein and “Me” beat me to it, and both were more pithy. But make no mistake, my empathy for Tim’s tragic oblivion is strong — so strong it would appear to an impassive observer as tearful self-pity.
I just heard that the 5:30 segment on the hardline is a pool party on “taking your kids to the office.”
I like his description of your editorial role as “messing with sentences.”
Tim: No, Wick, I am sure he meant “best” boss.
Wick: But it clearly says “beast,” not “best”?
Tim: Well, that’s what happens when I don’t make enough money to send my kid to a private school.
@JS: Clearly you don’t have a kid. “Beast” is an adjective that means, roughly, “awesome.”
And now you know.
@ Tim….that would be the story I’d stick with.
Tim, did Wick buy it?
This kid is awesome.
I assume the “BUDDY” is Zac — but why did he use all caps (the only all caps in the entire post)? What is the boy insinuating?
The love betwen a father and son is so ultra special. I remember when my 10 year old starting writing for the Wall Steet Journal. Our nanny was so proud.
Ha I was wondering what happened to that show
Really Great ,he is doing great
Surprised it didn’t contain any references to bobcats, the Phoenix-based Dallas Observer, or In-and-Out burgers.
hire him. It would greatly improve the editorial quality.