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Jean-Jacques Taylor Loves Him Some “Poppycock”

A complete accounting of each instance in which Dallas Morning News sports columnist Jean-Jacques Taylor has employed the word “poppycock” in his writing, just because I care about these sorts of things:

December 4, 2007: “Mike McCord, the Cowboys’ equipment manager the last 13 years, assigns numbers to free agents, rookies and new players. McCord wants you to believe it’s pure coincidence that DeMarcus Ware received No. 94, the same number as Charles Haley, the Cowboys’ last dominant pass rusher. He wants you to ignore the fact Ware and Haley play the same position, had similar heights and weights and skill sets. Poppycock.”

February 16, 2008: “Players get traded all the time because it’s in the franchise’s best interest. I have no problem with that because players get paid handsomely for that inconvenience. That said, I have no problem with George exercising his right to nix the trade. Now, I would like to hear the real reason — not the poppycock his agent wants us to believe.”

December 28, 2008: “The revisionist history we’ve been hearing out of Valley Ranch this week is laughable. The players and coaches really seem to want you to believe they’re excited about this win-and-they’re-in game against Philadelphia this afternoon. Relieved, I could understand. Thankful, I could buy. Excited? To that I say poppycock.”

December 29, 2008: “Wade Phillips presides over the most gutless team in franchise history. That’s his legacy. Forever. And it should be after Philadelphia stomped the Cowboys, 44-6, in a win-and- you’re-in-the-playoffs game Sunday. But he’s keeping his job — even after the worst loss of the Jerry Jones era. Seriously. Jerry wants to keep the coaching staff intact because he said the continuity provides Dallas with its best chance to win. Besides, he doesn’t want to make the same mistake he did nearly a decade ago, when he fired Chan Gailey after only two seasons. Can you say poppycock?”

March 27, 2009: “Jerry Jones yanked the duct tape from the only NFL head coach under a gag order this week and let him speak during the NFL meetings. The removal of duct tape was necessary because head coaches must talk if they attend, per league rules. Still, it was a bad idea. All Phillips did is remind everyone why Jerry should’ve already hired Mike Shanahan. After the most sensitive coach in franchise history spent some time whining about all of the meanies in the local media, he actually said it usually takes four years to find out whether a coach is any good. Poppycock.”

May 20, 2009: “When asked whether Jerry had talked to him about releasing T.O. before he did it, Romo said, ‘No, I’m just a player. Those are internal discussions for management and coaches.’ Poppycock.”

May 30, 2009: “Suddenly, some folks think the Rangers are pushing their starters too hard, which will eventually lead to lengthy and regular DL stints because of shoulder and elbow injuries. Poppycock.”

July 14, 2009: “Of course, the next week Jessica was nowhere to be seen when Romo threw for 257 yards and a touchdown in a road win over Carolina. But some of you never stopped believing she was bad for Romo, which meant she was bad for your favorite football team. You blamed her for every interception and every impulse throw. In every loss, you found a way to blame Jessica. It was all poppycock.”

October 5, 2009: “After blowing a fourth-quarter lead for the second time in three weeks, Jerry Jones was more interested in crediting Denver for its 17-10 victory as opposed to assigning blame. So was Wade Phillips. At one level, that’s perfectly understandable because the Cowboys didn’t relinquish the lead until the game’s final two minutes. At another level, that’s pure poppycock.”

December 8, 2009: “Phillips wants you to believe this team has nothing to do with the other Cowboys teams that have failed in December. He wants you to believe history doesn’t matter. Poppycock.”

December 14, 2009: “These Cowboys desperately want you to believe they’ve changed. They want you to believe their raggedy record after Dec. 1 is a figment of your imagination or a media-created conspiracy. Poppycock.”

January 21, 2010: “Now, Phillips and Jerry Jones would swear on a stack of bibles that every player not named Tony Romo, Jason Witten, DeMarcus Ware, Bradie James and a few others is open for competition. They would insist the best players always play regardless of money or status. Poppycock.”

August 4, 2010: “To their credit, the players were politically correct after each practice Tuesday. So were the coaches. You know, the stuff about the Vikings still being one of the NFC’s top teams, and the comments about Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels being quality quarterbacks, and no one man being bigger than the team. Can you say poppycock?”

October 4, 2010: “When a bullpen move works out, Mike Maddox gets the credit. When it fails, it’s Washington’s fault. Now we’re hearing that Clint Hurdle is the hitting coach who finally convinced the Rangers to have more intelligent at-bats, so they can win on days they’re not mashing. Poppycock.”

December 6, 2010: “Garrett often says Barber’s physicality is among the reasons he starts. Whatever. Felix Jones usually replaces Barber after 2-3 plays, hardly enough time to establish a tone. Garrett often says Barber’s 3.1 average per carry is misleading because he carries the ball in short-yardage situations. Poppycock.”

17 comments on “Jean-Jacques Taylor Loves Him Some “Poppycock”

  1. Great. If I cared enough, I’d spend hours combing your old blog posts to see which words you use repeatedly. But I don’t.

  2. @Fake Mike Doocey: You’re right. But it looks to me like he gave up that phrase a few years ago.

    November 17, 2003: “PASS OFFENSE It was an abject failure. Quincy Carter threw three interceptions, and Terry Glenn was nonexistent.”

    December 26, 2004: “Bill Parcells’ desire to win has again won out over his desire to take a peek at Tony Romo or Drew Henson. Parcells hates to lose (even in preseason), and that’s why Vinny Testaverde gets another opportunity to start. The decision is an abject failure if Dallas loses.”

    March 5, 2007: “Johnson understands there are bad wins and good losses, so to speak. Any performance that he thinks would result in a playoff loss is frowned upon even if the Mavs win by 10 points. Or 20. That’s why he hasn’t been satisfied after each of the Mavs’ 50 wins. This season is about a championship. Anything less will be considered an abject failure.”

    May 4, 2007: “Golden State 111, Dallas 86. Can you say total embarrassment. Blame it on Nowitzki. Avery Johnson and Mark Cuban won’t agree. Too bad. It’s the truth. You know it is. Like spanking your kids, it hurts. Sometimes, though, you need abject failure to spark change.”

    January 8, 2008: “Still, Jones didn’t actually make up his mind to take the job until the wee hours of Monday morning. If he hadn’t accepted the position, it would’ve represented abject failure for Orsini, hired 18 months ago to make SMU athletics relevant again.”

    January 14, 2008: “This loss represents abject failure. End of discussion. So don’t waste time trying to sugarcoat it. Or rationalize it. Your Cowboys choked. They gagged. They coughed up a fur ball. Use whatever analogy you like, because they all apply.”

  3. This wouldn’t have anything to do with the “Rogers incident,” now would it? Nah, I didn’t think so.

  4. Fact:

    The words “Dallas Morning News” have appeared in more of Tim Rogers’ blog posts than the words “D Magazine.”

  5. Potentially made-up fact:

    The words “Tim Rogers” have appeared in more of Tim Rogers’ blog posts than the words “Dallas Morning News” and “D Magazine” combined.

  6. Tim Rogers is just mad because words like poppycock were created for people like Tim Rogers. JJT just used his superior writing skill and influence to cut in line to use the word first.

  7. Strung together, his utterances of poppyc0ck have a certain poetic elegance:

    Poppyc0ck – not the poppyc0ck his agent wants us to believe.

    To that I say poppyc0ck. Can you say poppyc0ck? Poppyc0ck. Poppyc0ck. Poppyc0ck. It was all poppyc0ck.

    At another level, that’s pure poppyc0ck. Poppyc0ck. Poppyc0ck. Poppyc0ck.

    Can you say poppyc0ck? Poppyc0ck. Poppyc0ck.

    (sung to the tune of King Crimson’s “Elephant Talk,” perhaps? Or one of the aural clloages from My Life In The Bush of Ghosts?)

  8. @Daniel:
    You could also replace ‘peac0ck’ with ‘poppyc0ck’ in that dreadful Katy Perry song. That would be amusing. (not really)

    Tim. Does this mean the ‘Search’ function on the DMN website is working better with the new website redesign?

  9. Wow and i thought that ESPN reporting on celebrity’s was a waste of time..Oh wait this is not a real news paper with real columnist. lol This is the “Howard Stern School of Training.”