Articles for January 18th, 2011
Kru 82 Vodka Sponsors FrontBurner Live, Ctd.
Yeah, so, the commercial we made for Kru 82? Well, the nice folks over at Kru 82 thought it was quote-unquote “hysterical.” But, as you might imagine, our take on the product was a little, let’s say, off brand. So we decided to take it down. And the planned sequel? The one with the white track suits? Well, that looks like it won’t happen. Except in your dreams, sweet FrontBurnervians. Except in your dreams.
Death Row Inmate Makes 2,000 Phone Calls From Lew Sterrett, Calls Security So Loose It’s “Insane”
The following comes to us courtesy of special FrontBurner contributor Thomas Korosec.
A recent 50-day stay in the Lew Sterrett Justice Center by a death row inmate has prompted investigations into security at the state prison system and the Dallas County Sheriff’s Department. Authorities have reviewed approximately 2,000 phone calls made by Randy Halprin, one of the Texas Seven, whose prison escape in December 2000 resulted in the murder of Irving police officer Aubrey Hawkins. Halprin made the calls, some for phone sex with his wife, during a trip to Dallas for appeal hearings in late August and September. In some, he marvels at the loose treatment he at times received.
The calls include one in which Halprin listened as his wife, Crystal Halprin, used another cell phone to call the warden at the Polunski Unit, where Halprin has been on death row since 2003. In the call, a recording of which can be heard below,
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Amy Turner Got Punched in the Face
I’m coming to this a little late, but the Aspen Daily News is reporting that Amy Turner (she of the wealthy Turner clan whose paterfamilias made his bones distributing Dr Pepper) got clocked pretty good New Year’s Eve by a Boston woman at a fancy private club called Caribou. The Aspen Daily News has some writers on staff who are apparently auditioning to work at the Onion. To wit:
“According to the police report, a bouncer at the Caribou told responding officers that he witnessed Lopez throw approximately ‘10 haymakers’ at Turner when he went to break up a fight outside the ladies’ room. A haymaker is a type of punch, or a wild swing using all the person’s might.”
Dallas Morning News Redesigns Its Website
I live in a glass house, but here’s what the new redesign looks like. 
Things to Do in Dallas Tonight: January 18, 2011
On this day, I’d like to send you up Interstate 35 to my hometown of Denton to listen to the musical stylings of what is likely the world’s most pretentiously named band — The Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger. I’d like to make this recommendation not because of any hearty endorsement of their music (which you can get a taste of here.)
I’d like to make this recommendation because the duo comprises Sean Lennon (son of a famous musician you may have heard of) and his girlfriend Charlotte Kemp Muhl (easy on the eyes.) I’d venture a guess that the vast majority of the audience at Dan’s Silverleaf tonight will also be there because of those reasons. (Feel free to flame me in the comments, you hardcore TGOASTT fans.)
The show starts at 9 pm, so you’d have time beforehand to stop by the greatest place on Earth, nearby on the Courthouse Square. Unfortunately, I can’t make this pick because the show is sold out. So head over to the Granada Theater to check out guitar virtuoso Joe Satriani instead.
Other things to do in Dallas here.
Deion Sanders Has Really Weird Toes
I saw this yesterday, and then had a nightmare about it last night. Somehow, I was working at a shoe store, and every single person had this foot. And then the toe, the one that sits inexplicably on top of Deion Sanders’ foot like a tank driver, would bite me on the hand. By the end of the arduous day spent putting shoes (and everyone wanted flip flops and sandals) on the gnarliest feet in Dallas, my hands were little bloody stumps.
And then I came home, took my shoes off, and watched in horror as the toe began to form on the top of my foot. Then it sang some Tom Jones, and proceeded to ask for a steak dinner.
So that’s it. No more sports for me. And no more acid.
Someone Doesn’t Like New Signs
Scrawled over the sign is the following: "For the cost of this sign this organisation could have bought cold weather kits!"
Perusing through Unfair Park yesterday, I came across this item about bcWorkshop’s public art installation. The organization installed signs all across town with the hopes of drawing attention to the 5,750 homeless in Dallas. When I took the dog out for his walk last night, I came across said signs at Main Street Garden (where they waited until this week to take down that tree). Within just a few hours of being displayed, the signs were already marked up. Apparently, one person thinks that the money spent on the signs could have gone elsewhere. I think that person may be missing the point.
Leading Off (1/18/11)
First Fort Worth eliminated the homeless, and now it takes on an even peskier foe: grackles. Next up on its Super Bowl checklist: issuing cowboy hats to everyone who works in downtown. Related: I’ve been hired as an accent inspector.
Speaking of the Super Bowl, the game’s financial impact on your city might not be much. If you don’t live in Arlington, Dallas, or Fort Worth, that is. In which case, you’re probably used to hardship. BURN.
Four Matisse sculptures at the Kimbell to be sold. They’re worth too much, apparently. That’s why I sold my sculptures, so the story checks out.
It’s first draft of scaled-down state budget day! Like you didn’t know.
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