Articles for November 9th, 2010
First Talk From TEDxSMU Is Now Ready For Your Eyes
It’s by Stephen Mills, artistic director of Ballet Austin, talking about Light/The Holocaust and Humanity Project. Worth your 15 minutes.
Congratulations! We Now Live in “The Texaplex”
What is it about some writers? Bad enough that we’ve been stuck with “Metroplex” for more than thirty years, that godawful bastard of Latin and Greek that some local traffic reporters still use as if it is English. Now comes someone from Newsweek — or, as they like to call themselves, NEWSWEEK — to tell us that Texas is “The Texaplex.” Thanks for all the good copy, guys (which reads as if it were written by small-time ad agency, which, come to think of it, is exactly where “Metroplex” came from.) But really, we don’t need you. Stay away. Inflict your inventiveness on someone else.
Five Point Plan to Fix the Dallas Cowboys
1. Hire Michael Irvin as player-coach. He’ll bring that stab-a-backup-lineman-with-scissors-over-a-petty-disagreement-over-haircuts-during-training-camp intensity that the Cowboys have been missing. Also, he really won’t have to play much, except when they need him to catch a pass on an elaborate game-winning trick play that never actually works outside of movies, but will here, and will, sadly, result in a massive knee/sternum injury that is totally worth it because WINNERS LEAVE IT ALL ON THE FIELD.
2. Hire Michael Irvin’s cousin to plant about six keys of coke in all of Jerry Jones’ cars, boats, planes, homes, apartments, motorcycles, and so on. Hire Irvin’s other cousin to drop dime on JJ until the cops finally arrest him and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell forces Jones to sell the team.
3. Put a no-hats-that-make-you-look-like-a-shiny-shirt-jackass clause in Tony Romo’s contract, or just a “no hats” clause.
4. Go have a nice, tall glass of bourbon — and make it the good stuff, treat yourself! — because you basically just fixed most of the problems surrounding the team. And also because WINNERS LEAVE IT ALL ON THE FIELD AND ALSO LIKE TO DRINK BROWN LIQUOR ON OCCASION, EVEN DURING WORK HOURS, SOMETIMES, NOT TOO OFTEN — IT’S COOL, SERIOUSLY, GET OFF MY BACK.
5. Select nothing but linemen, offense and defense, in the early rounds of the next three or four drafts. (Sports point!) Make sure none of them have barbed wire tattoos around their biceps. Those guys are all show, no go.
Things to Do in Dallas Tonight: Nov. 9
Your first order of business today is signing up to see Conjure Women, the next installment of the FrontRow Film Series. Do it. Now. Then follow me to the next page, please.
The Election Is Over, But Watkins-related Contretemps Are Not
If you thought the partisan verbal fisticuffs were over now that Election Day has passed, you were wrong. Sigh.
University Park Code Enforcement Gets Nasty
In our September issue, Pam Kripke wrote a story about Pat Grecco, University Park’s head of code enforcement — or as UP calls her, the Neighborhood Integrity Officer. A kind FrontBurnervian was reminded of the story when he saw the below sign on the southeast corner of Normandy and Armstrong.
Seeing Red on The Red Line
DART has upgraded its train platforms so handicapped passengers can enter most cars on their own, without assistance from a conductor. Of course, such passengers still need a mild amount of courtesy from the rest of us.
The following are direct quotes from a confrontation that happened this hour between a man in a wheelchair and a woman who refused to vacate a handicapped seating area:
Him: “I can’t help that I’m handicapped.”
Her: “You’re already sitting down.”
Him: “We got to get some police on this train.”
Him: “All these people can’t get by.”
Him: “This is for handicapped. That’s why they painted that on the floor.”
Her: “Why don’t you hush?”
Her: “You don’t need to be all hateful and [excrement].”
Leading Off (11/9/10) — Or It Would Be If Tim Could Sleep
1. Tons of commentary and opinion after Wade Phillips was finally given the boot. I still think the idea Tim and I came up with is best: Jerry Jones should coach the rest of the season. Not because he would be good. Because it would be awesome.
2. If you’re just now finding out about George W. Bush’s book signing this morning, well, it’s probably too late. Since you’re free, do you want to get me a cup of coffee? Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to phrase that as a question.
3. And finally: I see you, big German! (Except I actually didn’t, because I still don’t have a TV.)
Texas Tribune Snags Mark Miller
Comes word that the Texas Tribune has hired Mark Miller (he formerly of the DMN for a short stint) to be its editor. You can jump for the full release if you’re so inclined. Two points about that move: 1) Miller is a man of enormous talents. He made the DMN a noticeably better paper when he helmed the front page of the Sunday edition. The Tribune is fortunate to have him. 2) Given that Tribune editor-in-chief Evan Smith earns north of $300,000, we can assume Miller, with all his experience, takes home at least $200,000 (and surely we won’t have to wait for the 990 to find out, right guys?). Maybe D Magazine ought to explore that whole nonprofit model of doing journalism. It seems to be working.
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