1. So 80 dogs go missing from a Ferris animal shelter. They’re supposedly on a reservation. But no one knows exactly where. Rest assured the dogs are happy, fed, and loved. Don’t worry about the shelter’s past of police officers shooting feral dogs on sight and the city ordering animals only 15 days to be adopted before they’re euthanized. Seriously. I’m sure they’re all fine.
2. I appreciate a good entrepreneurial spirit. I happen to think these guys have good business sense. They’re going around robbing mom-and-pop pharmacy stores so they can get hydrocodone and OxyContin for free and turn around and sell the drugs to their awesome friends for a good amount of cash. Just like what happened with cupcakes and froyo, I can’t help but wonder, “Why didn’t I think of this first?”
3. Now for the hard-hitting news of the day: this guy decorated his yard with beer cans and Jessica Simpson wants a normal boyfriend (maybe a doctor or a chef)!
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3. [Simpson] adds, “I think I’ve said I’ve wanted to date a doctor … A chef…”
Clearly, she’s not familiar with a doctor’s or a chef’s “normalcy.” Good luck, sweety. You’ll need it.
Chefs are not normal boyfriends. Trust me on this.
Neither are doctors.
2. Stay classy Fort Worth.
2. Why didn’t they think of it first (Gus Van Sant did in 1989 with Drugstore Cowboy*)?
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* Actually, Gus Van Sant didn’t think of it first either; it was “based on a true story” that transpired in (I think) the early ’70s.
Mmmm…. Drugstore Cowboy era, pre-Road House Kelly Lynch.
Sigh.
Did not need to start my day with news about puppies being murdere–uh, sent to live on a nice farm. And, yes, I’m starting my day at 10:30.
Sorry, Rachel. At least it ended with beer and Jessica Simpson. That’s something, right?
Lassie could have solved all the Leading Off issues today. Lost puppies in #1? Found. Druggies in FW? Found. Normal boyfriend for Jessica? Well, maybe not. Some things are even beyond Lassie.