Articles for November 11th, 2009
A Case of Spontaneous Generation?
A law-practicing FrontBurnervian has an interesting wildlife scenario unfolding in his backyard. I figured someone here could help:
I recently noticed two bluegills swimming among our koi and goldfish in our pond. We live near a creek — but far enough away that it would be a fairly long trek for two fish to flop. Plus, they would have to scale a stone wall. My wife points to their appearance as further support of her virgin-birth explanation for our first and third children. I pointed out that the bluegills’ appearance would technically fall in the category of spontaneous generation, and didn’t we agree that we weren’t going to talk about that anymore? Does anyone in the FrontBurner nation have a theory on how they got there? The fish, that is.
Scenes From the New Office (One in a Series)
We’ve been here now a month, but the job of decorating the place is still under way. Today this showed up in the men’s bathroom.
Celebrate Veterans Day The Best Way Possible
By watching clips of dogs welcoming home their soldier owners from tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. (Don’t watch the last clip — which is not of dogs, but of little kids — if you work in an office where openly weeping at your desk is frowned upon.)
(H/T: everyone on the Internet today)
Why Texas Needs The Death Penalty
Because of cases like this, where five teenagers allegedly beat a man in Wylie until he died. At least one of them reportedly used a hammer on the victim, 28-year-old Jonathan Bird, whose transgression was asking his assailants to drive slower for the sake of the neighborhood kids. Now, death-penalty opponents who argue capital punishment is useless because it’s not a deterrent may be on to something. However, that’s because these days it’s administered almost quietly–and mainly out of sight. I guarantee if these perpetrators were convicted and strung up by their necks on Wylie’s main street, there’d be a helluva lot fewer “beating deaths” in that town in the future.
Please, Dallas Mavericks, Stop Letting Chris Arnold Help The Other Team
I’ve always thought the Dallas Mavericks do a better than average job when it comes to game presentation. If nothing else, they are always willing to try something, and a lot of that works, in one way or another — whether it’s the (usually) funny bits they show on the big screen during timeouts or the Mavs ManiAACs or whatever. One thing they have always — ALWAYS — failed, though, is knowing when to properly deploy Chris Arnold.
I don’t really know Chris. I’ve met him once or twice. Seems like a nice guy. People who know him much better than I do confirm this. But at Mavs games, he is my kryptonite. I know from reading Glenn Arbery’s piece from a couple of years ago that game presentation is a complicated affair. But I think a little common sense is in order. Because here is what happens every game. The Mavericks go on a run. The fans go crazy. The opposing team — in last night’s case, the Houston Rockets — calls a timeout, specifically to calm themselves down and hopefully cool off the crowd, too. And then, without fail, Chris Arnold comes out and accomplishes that for them, by quieting everything down so a couple of fans can play some ridiculous game no one ever understands or really cares about. Momentum gone.
Look, there will come a time when it makes sense to trot out Chris. Maybe the Mavs have a big lead. Maybe the other team needs some cooling off. It’s not rocket science. You have to veer off the script on occasion. I don’t know why I have to keep bringing this up.
A Review of Hilary Swank’s Brinker International Forum Performance
One of our haiku contest winners was kind enough to write the following funny review of Hilary Swank’s gig Monday night. I’m a bit late getting it online, but it’s worth a read:
Leading Off(ish) (11/11/09)
1. Are you feeling “suboptimal” despite the recent “snapback” in the economy? There’s a reason for that. Dallas Fed chief Richard Fisher says when it comes to jobs creation, “We are in for a long slog.” This makes me feel sad.
2. Nationwide, comparing the third quarter to the same period a year ago, home prices are down 11.2 percent. But hang on. In Dallas and Fort Worth, for the first time since the fourth quarter of 2007, home prices have actually gone up — very little, at just .2 percent. Still, though, that’s better than going down, right? This makes me feel happy.
3. Ron White from Euless will compete tomorrow in the three-day World Memory Championships in London. He qualified by becoming the USA Memory Champion after he memorized a 167-digit number in five minutes, among other feats. This makes me feel dumb.
4. Carrie Gehling lost both her legs to diabetes. She needed a kidney. So her pastor at St. Rita Catholic Church, Monsignor Mark Seitz, gave her one of his yesterday. This makes me feel selfish.
5. I’ve established a pattern here that classical joke-writing theory would say needs to be broken for comedic effect. But I can’t figure out how to do it. This makes me finished.
Why California Lags Texas
William Voegeli in this report in City Journal comparing the two states finds that California has a higher revenue per citizen than Texas ($11,160 vs. $7,558) but accomplishes less with the money. On education:
According to a report issued earlier this year by McKinsey & Company, Texas students “are, on average, one to two years of learning ahead of California students of the same age,” though expenditures per public school student are 12 percent higher in California.
What’s the reason for the disparity?
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