Here’s Hoping Your Woman Doesn’t Work for the Performing Arts Center

What? I haven’t yet mentioned that My Fair Lady works for the AT&T Performing Arts Center? On a contract basis? Well, yes, it’s true. She does. And last night I saw something related to said gig in our closet that made me shudder. She’d been talking for weeks about having to attend all the opening-week festivities and how this attendance would require many new dresses and perhaps even handbags and so forth. My advice to her: spend your money on one kickass dress, and then wear that sucker every night. Own the look. You know?

She wasn’t having any of it. And, thus, apparently, she went out and had it. Because our closet is now populated by no fewer than — what? — five new dresses. It’s hard to say. They are hanging. I did not wish to disturb them. Perhaps their price tags would become visible, and I would vomit. I store my shoes in our closet, and I didn’t want to vomit in my shoes.

Point is, if your lady is similarly engaged, I want to say that I feel for you, brother. It’s like that at my house, too. Only one way to handle it: either it’s time to buy a retaliatory tux (name of my new band), or you lose some weight to where you can fit into one of those dresses. Good luck.

8 comments

  1. I would like to compliment her on actually finding five dresses she liked enough to buy! And shoes too? That is hard to do. For real.

    @ 9:35 am on September 29, 2009
  2. What is called for here, if you have the fortitude, is an assortment of high school prom-type tux’s in shades of powder blue, purple, and green, all velvet of course. You can’t be seen in the same lame tux at these sorts of things, now can you?

    @ 9:42 am on September 29, 2009
  3. ‘atta girl!

    @ 10:09 am on September 29, 2009
  4. I’m not a tax expert, and don’t know if it would apply to people working on a contract basis, but you might be able to itemize those purchases as a business expense.
    I’m sure there are commenters out there who can answer this.

    @ 10:27 am on September 29, 2009
  5. Are your shoes the only item you store in “our” closet ?

    @ 10:50 am on September 29, 2009
  6. For the record, being the fiscally responsible gal that I am, those are on loan to me from a fashionable friend. This of course frees me up to spend money on other necessities I get to keep, like accessories. And chocolate and champagne. Maybe a long vacation afterwards.

    @ 12:34 pm on September 29, 2009
  7. @My Fair Lady: Accessories?! We don’t need no stinkin’ accessories!

    @ 12:50 pm on September 29, 2009
  8. When D moves to Ross Ave., you can save money by driving to work together.

    @ 4:32 pm on September 29, 2009

Leave a Comment

* required fields