Chuck Norris Continues to Promote Himself, His Insanity

Posted on March 11th, 2009 12:08pm by Eric Celeste
Filed under Local News

 

You may know Chuck Norris as an 8th-degree black belt, star of The Octagon, and gay rights anti-enthusiast. But he’s also a guvment hater who says he wants to be president of Texas, after it secedes. Bud Kennedy points out that, as an Okie, he’s probably not qualified. I think it would be great, though. Have you seen The Delta Force? Three words: natural born leader.

12 comments

  1. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

    @ 12:22 pm on March 11, 2009

  2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    @ 12:34 pm on March 11, 2009

  3. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice

    @ 1:39 pm on March 11, 2009

  4. With Eric Celeste’s newly toned body, I think these would be more appropriate:

    Eric Celeste grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

    Eric Celeste doesn’t actually write for D Magazine, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

    Eric Celeste invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tim Rogers invented pink.

    The chief export of Eric Celeste is pain.

    Eric Celeste is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a freaking Indian.

    There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Eric Celeste allows to live.

    Eric Celeste doesn’t churn butter. He punches cows and the butter comes straight out.

    The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Eric Celeste’ fist.

    Eric Celeste is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Eric Celeste

    There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Eric Celeste.

    Eric Celeste once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

    @ 1:44 pm on March 11, 2009

  5. Did I ever tell you about the time Eric Celeste went hunting? Eric decides he’s going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives…except Fleegle.

    @ 1:55 pm on March 11, 2009

  6. Was that Carl Weathers behind Chuck?

    @ 2:11 pm on March 11, 2009

  7. Two questions: How did this turn into a discussion about what a bad-a@@ I am? Second, why doesn’t every discussion turn into the same thing?

    P.S.: I [heart] you, PR.

    @ 2:33 pm on March 11, 2009

  8. I understand Eric is up for the Title role in the New Fox Made for TV Biopic, about the 80’s Movie Star, Devine.

    @ 2:37 pm on March 11, 2009

  9. I don’t think any of the presidents of the Republic of Texas were actually born here.

    @ 2:51 pm on March 11, 2009

  10. So not calling Fred and Joe’s union a marriage makes you an anti gay acitivist?

    @ 3:25 pm on March 11, 2009

  11. No. It makes you a closet queen.

    @ 4:06 pm on March 11, 2009

  12. Worth it….

    @ 4:21 pm on March 11, 2009