Tim Rogers Accidentally Sends Internal E-mail to Everyone

Posted on January 30th, 2009 2:56pm by Tim Rogers
Filed under Local News

From: Rogers, Tim
Sent: Friday, January 30, 2009, 2:31 PM
To: Allison, Wick
CC: edit-all
Subject: Celeste
Importance: High

Wick:

Here’s some reasoning on why Eric Celeste is different than a trained monkey.

* Salary – Eric makes 65 percent more than the cheapest trained monkey I could find.

* Experience – The monkey has less experience, but I believe that could be overcome with a different typeface and other design elements.

* Body hair – No difference.

* Work output – Eric blogs multiple times daily online (the Internet) on any number of topics. He also blogs offline. Mainly he puts up links to other people’s original work. Or he posts pictures of himself shirtless. The monkey can do this.

* Office presence – Eric sits around and engages Zac in in-depth conversation about arcane NBA matters and possible trade scenarios. The monkey would have a hard time doing this. But Zac can also be entertained by random movie quotes. Interns can do this.

Here’s something else — a trained monkey in the office would make most of the women feel much more at ease.

Get back to me with your thoughts.

16 comments

  1. Also, when the monkey tries to hump the girls in the office, it’s cute. But when Eric does it, your HR folks and Dallas PD have to get involved.

    @ 3:00 pm on January 30, 2009

  2. And some monkeys have prehensile tails that can be useful for multitasking. No one wants to think of what Celeste does with his “tail.”

    @ 3:14 pm on January 30, 2009

  3. And have you seen the shirts they make monkey’s wear? They have even less shame when it comes to dressing then Eric.

    @ 3:16 pm on January 30, 2009

  4. Monkeys are exceptionally strong. A monkey could be helpful in moving out vacated cubicles, unused furniture, and boxes, etc. after the next round of layoffs.

    @ 3:28 pm on January 30, 2009

  5. Way to bring the room down.

    @ 3:29 pm on January 30, 2009

  6. I know, I know. A total d-bag comment — but I couldn’t help myself.

    @ 3:32 pm on January 30, 2009

  7. In fact, please delete the comment. Call it a mulligan.

    @ 3:34 pm on January 30, 2009

  8. Nah, it’s ok. No harm no foul.

    @ 3:39 pm on January 30, 2009

  9. No harm, no foul, no monkey…

    @ 3:43 pm on January 30, 2009

  10. Actually, monkeys can foul up the place pretty fierce — and need diapers. But I guess that’s no different than Celeste.

    @ 4:00 pm on January 30, 2009

  11. Bottom line: monkeys can be trained to ride dogs while wearing chaps, vis-a-vis Whiplash. Eric can’t ride a dog. I think this is important to consider.

    @ 4:05 pm on January 30, 2009

  12. Are we sure he can’t?

    @ 4:06 pm on January 30, 2009

  13. I don’t know if Eric can ride a dog, but I once saw him trying to ride a sheep. At least, that’s what he told me he was doing.

    @ 5:12 pm on January 30, 2009

  14. Eric says pull my finger. A monkey says smell my finger.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzZqje04vLE

    @ 5:23 pm on January 30, 2009

  15. You’ll have to teach the monkey to drink.

    @ 6:50 pm on January 30, 2009

  16. Don’t discount the monkey being your designated driver. Bet Celeste remembers that from “Grandma’s Boy.”

    @ 8:49 pm on January 30, 2009