Last night at the holiday shindig an astrologist told Elizabeth “Spider Monkey” Lavin that, among other things, she was 50 years ahead of her time. No one was quite sure how to take this, save for Lavin, who has been crowing about it for the past 18 hours.
So FBvians: what does 2058 look like if Spider Monkey* is the harbinger of our future? Or, if you prefer, and so this doesn’t get too navel-gazy, what local person do you hope is actually an avatar for our potential future?
She can be my Colonel Wilma Deering and I will be her Buck Rogers.
I believe the children are our future.
If you are 50 years ahead of your time then you forfeit your 15 minutes of fame but you can break 7 mirrors and still come out ahead with 1 year of good luck.
Wow! Based on that header , I completely expected this post to incredibly more uncomfortable.
Looks like we’ve already got a report on the world of 2058:
http://cosmiclog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/04/18/915263.aspx
50 years from now:
D Magazine will be widely accepted as the best city magazine in the world.
There will be the ZAC CRAIN award.
Tim Rogers will still be losing bets to me.
Steven Edmonson, our online Creative Director, will go on to achieve great things. The last thing he will say before he dies, after living a very long and happy life is this: The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work… when you go to church… when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Everyone will be driving hydrogen-fueled cars except for Tim, he will still be in his outdated Prius.
Frontburner for your ears (our experimental, weekly radio show) will no longer exist.
And I will name my first child Tyler Durden
Why 50 years? Given the inconceivable magnitude of the space-time continuum, that’s not much different than being, say, seven minutes ahead of your time. It would make me feel like an ugly abnormal freak. (None of which Spider Monkey is, quite evidently.)
Carefully considering, though, if Spider Monkey really is the future — and good God knows, the outlook could surely be worse — then I’m sinking all my money in a smoke-machine rental business.
Sidenote…is anyone watching Fox 4 news right now? WHAT IS BYRON JAMES WEARING?!?! It’s brownish goldish whitem maybe? And the dark blue sweatervest and tie under it? I’m sure he’s the nicest guy in the world, but how did they let him wear that???? I realize that asking you to go look it this is a lot like saying “eew, this tastes bad, try it” but seriously–go look. Even in 50 years, this suit will still haunt me. Back to you.