RE: Why Does Everyone Hate Texans?

Colorado expat Bill Marvel answers the question in this month’s issue of 5280. Among the grievances, he writes:

Texans drive too fast. They’re noisy. They brag. They travel in packs, despoiling the land like grasshoppers or grackles. They’re déclassé.

Included in the article is a quote from former Dallas Business Journal Publisher Huntley Paton, who grew up in Denver. You’ll just have to click on the link above to read it all.

Spoiler Alert: Lance Armstrong Supports Strengthened Smoking Ban

Lance Armstrong (probably) hopped off his bike long enough to pen this op-ed column for the Morning News, encouraging the City Council to ban smoking pretty much everywhere. (As you know, I’m not a fan of that idea.) In favor of equal time, I’ve allowed myself this short rebuttal:

Dear Lance Armstrong,

I’ll stop smoking in bars when you can promise me I’ll never see another picture like this one. Or this one. Or this one. (That’s just a sample.) Because of you and McConaughey, everyone in America who is not a Texas Longhorns fan hates Texas Longhorns fans.

Sincerely,

Zac Crain

UT ‘96

P.S. Invoking the global economic crisis in your argument? Maybe overdoing it.

Robert Wilonsky Falls for Tim Rogers

I made myself a promise today: I wouldn’t post to FrontBurner unless the item was about me. And lo! Alibaster K. Abthernabther has delivered unto me such fodder as ne’er have I seen.

Okay, enough of the foolishness. Abthernabther has tongue-in-cheekily submitted drawings for the Art Conspiracy fundraiser. Check out the fourth one. Robert is a good likeness. Me, I wish I had that much hair.

Deep Ellum Was On Fire. In The Bad Way.

A couple of window-having FrontBurnervians report Deep Ellum was on fire. It went out about 20 minutes ago. No word on cause, location, damages … anything really. But there’s a picture.

Hockey Fight! Hockey Fight!

A friend of mine passed along this video clip of one of the longest hockey fights I’ve ever seen. It’s from yesterday’s Stars-Oilers game. The clip ends with a half-formed observation from Daryl Razor Reaugh. I’m still figuring out a) the second half of his sentence and b) if I really want to know the second half of his sentence.

Yellow Saturday: American Goldfinches Arrive

Put down your newspaper or laptop and pick up a pair of binoculars: ’tis the season for winter birds. Over the past few weeks my yard has been populated with white-throated sparrows (right) and juncos and now goldfinches (left).  What a great excuse to head down to the new Trinity River Audubon Center. Is this a great city or what!

Leading Off (12/01/08)

1. Retail sales went up on Black Friday then flattened out over the weekend, as shoppers realized no one has any money. At the Walmart in Port Isabel — where a sign over an aisle in the toy department points out where one can locate the “COLORIN BOOKS” — there was no discernible change.

2. If you’re still looking to cross a few items off your Christmas/Channukah/Kwanzaa shopping list, and hoping to do it on the cheap, you can always head to CityStore. That’s where you can — I’m sorry, I just saw that ex-Mav Devin Harris had a career-high 47 points last night, and I’m having trouble focusing, what with all the blood leaking out of my eyes, ears, and nose and everything.

3. Remember the guys who allegedly forced a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old to smoke a joint? One of them, Vanswan Polty, begins his trial on Tuesday. Not helping his case: the entire thing was filmed. Since testing revealed the kids had marijuana and cocaine in their systems, I hope Polty enjoys hell, or the closest equivalent the good people of Tarrant County can find for him.