Marty Cortland Unceremoniously Booted From Back Page of D Mag
Careful readers of the “print product” noticed with the current November issue that Marty Cortland’s “Our Town” no longer appears on the back page. His last column ran in October. Taking his place is something we’ve tagged “The Ender.” It’ll be written by a bullpen of luminaries. First up, Eric Celeste on why Laura Miller makes him sweat.
So why no more Marty? Three words: global economic crisis.
42 Comments to “Marty Cortland Unceremoniously Booted From Back Page of D Mag”
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Three other words? He’s. Not. Funny.
Three more? Because. He. Sucks.
Enough? Thank. You. Eric.
Tim, I thought you did a good job of riling the readers as “Marty Cortland”…..I am sure some will miss you.
I will miss Marty. Especially loved the October column. I think we need someone writing about how the “fashionitas” have now evolved into the “recessionitas”.
Geez, I guess you were serious about that deadline for my column.
I would like to thank Wick for indulging my “ramblings,” even when the tide of public opinion was clearly against me (shout-out to Steve Blow here); Tim, for his thoughtful editing, which I grudgingly have to admit was more often right than wrong; The Girls, for giving me a reason to want to come to the office and pretend to work on my column; and my devoted readers, all four of you (shout-out to Mom and Dad here).
The print version of my final column has a different title than the one that appears in the link above, and it was the only title I was allowed to choose: “Goodbye to All That.” I stole it from Joan Didion (who, herself, stole it from Robert Graves). I urge you to read her essay: http://www.mtholyoke.edu/~zkurmus/html/didion.html That girl can type.
And, thank you Amanda for expressing my sentiments as well. Not crazy about the reason for the change but sure enjoy D’s results.
I will now renew my subscription to D. Thank you D Mag.
Robert Graves was, indeed, the originator of the title. But the most infamous 20th-century use of it was by radical feminist — no ironic quotes are required in this instance — Robin Morgan, in a 1970 essay in which she (quite typically) exorcised personal demons under the guise of political activism. She again forced her way into the intelligentsia’s spotlight earlier this year, with an inchoate and immoderate paean to Hillary Clinton, in which she threatened to revoke other women’s womanhood if they didn’t support that grim-lipped witch.
It’s always nice to see inchoate used in print, even in incipient posts about Marty’s demise.
P.S. The 80s-era Dallas he describes in his column was the exact same Dallas from which many of us sought refuge. But to each his own; and was the high-roller milieu he describes (with all its, to my mind, ersatz accouterments) so much different, in terms of seat-of-the-pants energy, than the scrappy folks who comprised that first electrifying wave of Deep Ellum denizens?
I finally make it over to the Back Page, as I told Marty I would, and all for naught! Marty bows out not on a high note but leaves us with, “I can survey all I need to see from my table at Cafe Pacific.”
The one thing I’ve always said about Cafe Pacific is that it is soooo HP Establishment and pretty much retirement home. (Yeah, ok, so the food is still good.)
Somehow I needed more of a spark….or bit of effervescence and anything but predictable.
Head and shoulders down, kicking my rubber toed tenni in the dirt. Disappointment.
Puddin’Tane:
Sorry to disappoint. Try this one: http://www.dmagazine.com/ME2/Audiences/dirmod.asp?sid=&nm=&type=MultiPublishing&mod=PublishingTitles&mid=7155F7796F354F21B1183937D847D6DF&tier=4&id=4AE3CA832F8942C58B31759C37A963A9&AudID=29CB3DCAC7E94A08B642EC371FE6E70B
Best,
MC
Perhaps the column was dropped because it had lost its edge? It read like the memoirs of a Yuppie rather than the ramblings of a bored elitist. Reminds me of all the best, cutting edge shows on TV. They are good for one season, then the networks take note and start selling ads to corporate masters who emasculate the writers. Time to take it to cable, Marty.
I agree with Puddin’Tane. In my opinion, MC’s final column didn’t seem to fit with the tone of his previous ones. Not like it really matters, I’m just sayin.
PS – bring back the Last Hurrah!!!!
I loved the column and am sad to see it go. Always made me think of so many people I’ve met in Dallas. Where can you read back copies? I’ve missed a few
Coco, it’s called a computer.
A privation of pomposity at D?
Marty’s ego may not be evanescent yet but will he be ‘D-moted’ to moving to the M-Streets? If not a cute Tudor, perhaps only to occupy its state of mind.
We don’t care what you do for a living or how much money you make or have and please don’t burden us with such talk.
But we who live in these parts know that you didn’t order Cristal at Confetti’s (sic). That was for the Rio Room or perhaps Nostromo (maybe later at Sam’s Cafe). It was even a little grand for the Mansion Bar and not too cool at The Starck. But then again we didn’t have that much to prove so it was usually only Taittinger.
THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot stand that column. Hope good ole Marty gets the ego-check he OBVIOUSLY needs. Maybe I will subscribe again.
GREAT DECISION, D!!!!!!!!!
That’s funny. I just assumed Marty was an alias for one of you guys.
@Coco: Pay amanda no mind. Life is hard for her, and she’s bitter. People were mean to her growing up. Whatever.
You can find all of Marty’s back columns here.
http://www.dmagazine.com/ME2/Audiences/dirmod.asp?type=AdvancedSearch&nm=Advanced&mod=Site+Search&level=2
No, Marty is “real” but unaware that retail on that level (the Hermes) requires registration… Doh!
Now he’s free to solve the world’s financial problems…
Marty was amusing enough, except for that one column where he went perambulating around the country estate or something while his wife dealt with a bleeding baby in the ER.
Now I’m confused. Which Amanda is the real one?
Exactly.
Someone call me?
I am bitter and have been since the Highland Park High School kicked me off the cheerleading squad for being 35.
Life is hard. Nothing is funny.
Don’t hate me because I think I’m beautiful.
Oy.
Amanda isn’t bitter. Amanda probably was reasonably popular, but not too popular for her own good, in high school.
No, the story is this: Amanda married a man who bought her Dream House for her, which entitles her to now sit around evincing near-Himalayan displays of condescension — often but not exclusively aroused by perceived slights to her very mainstream and predictable political credo.
Oh, but her basic decency is illustrated by her willingness to take in exchange students, whom she then characterizes in print as ingrates.
To her credit, she lays this narrative out for anyone to plainly see. I’m surprised she disapproves of Mary Cortland; one would think she felt a touch of admiration for his technique.
Hey, The Other Marty Cortland!
Stop squatting on my space! I was squatting there first!
I am good. I am bad. I am happy. I am sad.
This girl does not want to have fun. I like to sit on the sidelines and make fun of people are have more talent than I will ever have. It is an oy! Only if you want it to be an oy. Yeah! Go team go!
Aren’t we spending a lot of time on this?
Just read on the Interwebs that Marty is really Kim Gatlin and is now too busy flogging her new tome.
The Real Other Marty Cortland: you cannot be the Real Other Marty Cortland because the Other Marty Cortland is the only Fake Cortland.
Btw, the Fake Cortland only reposes and never squats.
maybe it wasnt a great column…but it was the first thing i read in a new D mag…a lot of it is pretty funny just cuz its so true. good bye marty
Daniel, to the untrained eye, or from up here, you might seem…bitter, petty, jealous.
Did ya run out of viagra or something?
Thanks for that peek behind the curtain…
If the hedge funds had lived up to their names and actually hedged against the precipitous drop in the markets maybe Marty would still be writing about Preston Hollow excesses – instead his wife may be donning sunglasses and a hat and shopping for the kids at Target.
Hedge nothing. All of the nine defined hedging strategies (including, unbelievably, dedicated shorts) lost money last month, so the markets have been very catholic in their carnage; secondly, it’s Highland Park, not Preston Hollow (sheesh!); and lastly, it’s K-Mart, not Target (shout-out to Eddie Lampert).
Sorry, looking past just the last month.
HP or PH, I must have remembered wrong.
I don’t really picture the missus heading to the suburbs or Oak Cliff to shop K-Mart when Target is so close.
Speaking of very Catholic carnage, you may want to pass this video off to Wick before the election:
http://www.catholicvote.com/
It was a ridiculously stupid column that says everything about the ridiculously low quality of your magazine. I mean, what kind of magazine puts a fake column on its back page that nobody gets except the editor? Playing jokes on your readers. What a waste of space. Then again, everything in your magazine is pretty much a waste of space.
@Jim…but i guess u like front burner enuff to read and even comment so that is good
Jim: I think they’re coming out with a “Marty Cortland For Dummies” book. (They’re doing the same for the Colbert Report.) So, hey, there’s hope for you.
I will miss Marty. When I read Marty’s reaction to his wife’s 5 figure Birkin bag – “I’ve learned to breezily compliment her on her new purchase—and think of which client’s file I could bill. It’s a living.” – I knew I was going to love that column.
The folks who didn’t like Marty are probably the same folks who didn’t get a kick out of Ken Lay’s Poor Pitiful Me routine. Now there’s a guy who just cracked me up.