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Friday Afternoon Random Question: Animal Politics!

Sick of all the dirty campaigning and so on, the two presidential candidates come up with an unorthodox strategy to determine a winner: each will be allowed to choose an animal, train it for one month, and then pit it against his opponent’s beast in a no-holds-barred, winner-takes-all battle. (Just assume for our purposes that, somehow, PETA is on board with this.) UPDATE: Should have noted: no weapons allowed.

You are a presidential candidate. What (real — not imaginary, not mythical, not something out of a book or movie, not extinct) animal would you choose? And state your case.

Me? I’m leaning toward bull hippo. Super strong, perpetually bad mood, faster and more agile than it appears.

Why Zac Crain Can’t Rent An Apartment in Farmers Branch

Because, according to this headline, his fisherman’s-wharf beard would exclude him. Also, if you read into the story, ugly cars can keep you from a two-bed-one-bath dream shack as well. IJS, Zac.

Answer To Marty Cortland: I’m More Pro-Obama Than Ever

Our former columnist raises the question, which I am compelled to answer:

Just curious: do you have the same level of conviction in your endorsement that you had when you made it, or has it lessened (or increased)? I would also be curious if you would phrase your endorsement the same way or would you make different arguments or emphasize different policies? And has Obama done anything to disappoint you since you made your endorsement? (And for the record and to be fair, although I will be voting for McCain for pocketbook reasons, he has done nothing but disappoint me since the date of your endorsement.)

Two major events have occurred since I wrote my endorsement: (1) McCain’s selection of Sarah Palin, and (2) the financial collapse. My thoughts on both after the jump:

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Dallas Earthquake!

Forgive us for not yet mentioning the earthquake and aftershocks that hit the Dallas-Fort Worth area last night. I’m still not convinced it’s not part of some new, Halloween Fools’ Day tradition. Or… [dum dum dum] is it Barnett Shale related?

Friday Fun: Cat Bowling

Happy Halloween-y Friday. A co-workering FrontBurnervian suggested Cat Bowling for the Friday Fun on Halloween, ’cause there’s a witch involved and some pumkins and other Halloween-related iconography. Or maybe she’s a dog person. Either way, here’s it is. Enjoy. (Note: One should not try to recreate this Flash Friday game with real cats—like you could get 10 of them to stand closely together in a triangle at the end of an alley, anyway.)

Eruptions From The Fever Swamps

I’ve gotten a lot of reactions, pro and con, from my endorsement of Barack Obama, most of which on both sides have been thoughtful and cogent. But as the election draws nearer, I am hearing from more people like Paul J. Henry of Colville, WA:

Wick, you are an idiot. Obama is a slick talking Muslim terrorist.  He has promised to destroy SDI, eliminate our nuclear arsenal and destroy our economy by raising taxes and increase government spending. You should look for another job.

(Paul, haven’t you noticed? There are no other jobs.)

DMN Kicked Off Obama Press Corps Plane

To make room for network reporters? Or, as Drudge would have it, because it endorsed McCain? My question is different. Why is the News spending scarce resources covering a very well-covered national campaign in the first place? Do its news editors still hold pretentions of being a national or regional newspaper? Boys, I got news for you worse than being shuffled off an airplane: those days are long gone. Every dime you don’t put into local coverage is a dime you might as well have tossed down the drain.

Leading Off (10/31/08): Halloween Edition

1. DISD adopted a new ethics policy for board members, amid catcalls suggesting it isn’t stringent enough. (Trustees can’t have a “substantial interest” in a business contracted by the district.) What did the catcalls sound like? Boo!

2. TexasWatchdog.org reports that there could be 6,000 dead people on the Dallas County voter rolls, but the Morning News quotes an election official saying the report is questionable. My take? Beware the undead!

3. The Dallas Mavericks lost their opener to the Houston Rockets, who were led by Ron Artest’s 29 and (pictured) the Chinese Frankenstein’s 30 points.

Fred Baron, R.I.P.

The plaintiffs’ attorney and major Democratic donor died this afternoon. Our condolences to his family and colleagues.

Steve Blow Is Next in Line for the Rogers Ride

Best day ever for me?

When a Headline Tells the Wrong Story: Piling on DISD

Donald Keith Johnson was arrested at 2 a.m. today for smoking crack while driving. Bad move. You might expect a headline such as: “Man Smokes Crack While Driving.” Or: “Crack Smoker Busted Behind Wheel.” I’m partial to the second, actually. But the DMN went with this headline: “Dallas Teacher Accused of Smoking Crack While Driving.” Because, yes, the guy is a DISD teacher. Or was.

Here’s the thing, though. If, say, an employee of Exxon Mobil were caught doing the same thing, the headline wouldn’t read “Exxon Engineer Accused of Smoking Crack While Driving.” Johnson wasn’t smoking crack at school. He wasn’t caught high at school. I’d argue that his occupation is part of the story and it deserves mention, perhaps even in the lead. But not in the headline.

Again, this is one of the reasons why, if you get your news from the newspaper, you have a more negative impression of the school district than people who get their news from other sources. Remember that study I told you about back in April?

Esquire Makes Local Political Endorsements

Yes, I find it strange, too. But here you have it: Esquire — that renown renowned political magazine (?) – makes its suggestions on how you should vote.

Jeez Lady; Didn’t Your Ma Teach You To Cover Your Mouth?

At a time when everyone’s being urged to stay healthy with a flu shot, a woman we’ll call Coughin’ Karen is doing everything she can to make you sick. A sixty-something housewife sort in slacks and a sweater, this grey-haired menace struck yesterday at the Bed Bath & Beyond store off Park Lane and North Central Expressway. For 20 minutes she threaded the aisles with a shopping cart, coughing and spitting and hacking so loud that everyone in the big store could hear her–and, here’s the rub, never once covering her mouth. Think of all the folks–from the patrons to the cashiers–that she might have infected, then all the family members they infected in turn. I mean, if they’re serious about this Holy War thing, Osama bin Laden and his boyz could learn a thing or two from Coughin’ Karen.

Quick Goes Weekly, Local Folks Impressed

Got a sneak peak last night at the new weekly edition of Quick, which I believe hits boxes today. Passed it around the bar to some young folks. Showed the ladies at home. Passed it around the office today. The consensus was: “Nice.” Everyone agreed the focus on events, nightlife, youth culture, and entertainment is appropriate. Everyone liked the three pages of drink specials. Everyone loved that Gordon Keith, Ben and Skin, and Alibaster were still columnists. Everyone liked the idea of a dating and sex column. Really, not too many complaints. In fact, Ol’ Man Allison nearly spit his coffee. “I LOVE it!” he declared. He also wanted me to mention that earlier this year we had serious internal talks about producing something just like this. We decided that if we did it, the DMN would throw its resources behind a similar product and bury us with money and greater circulation. Looks like we were right.

Highland Park Teaches Kids How to Ride With a Drunk

Merritt Patterson has a story that would be funny if it weren’t true: her second-grader was taught in school how to ride in a car with a drunk driver. In response to the mom who was was recently arrested in the carpool line for DWI? Perhaps.

Channel 5 Doesn’t Like “Bitches” Either

Peppard can’t write the word, and Meredith Land can’t say it:

Leading Off (10/30/08): Digital Latte With Zac Crain

First slurp: Detective Mike Walton has had a bad run of luck lately. While trying to close the case on a string of high-profile Uptown burglaries, Walton first spit the bit on a search warrant request, cutting-and-pasting from an unrelated sexual assault investigation. Now he accidentally included the words “of a homicide” in a subpoena relating to phone records. Somewhere in there, he also wrote another warrant request that didn’t show enough probable cause for a search.

“These are mistakes of the mind, but not of the heart,” said Dallas police Capt. Jack Bragg, who probably has tried to write a crime novel in his spare time at some point. I’d assume it’s about a hard-as-nails ex-police captain, booted off the force for a crime he didn’t commit, scratching out a living as a small-time private investigator. Only now, the case he’s working on and the case that ended his career as a cop have converged, giving him one last chance at redemption — or one more chance to be in the wrong place at the wrong time! Again, that’s just a guess.

Second slurp: Man, the Morning News just can’t get enough of raccoons lately. First, there was the raccoon that staged a home invasion in Kessler Park. You could call him a bandit. Now comes video of a “friendly neighborhood raccoon” that likes playing with dogs. This raccoon is actually called Bandit.

Which reminds me of the time Tim Rogers killed a squirrel. Only because Matt Pulle was talking about that yesterday and kept referring to the varmint T-Roge popped as a “raccoon.” Potato, potahto.

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Brett Hull Eats at MiCocina

Tim is already peeved that I went to Italy without telling him so I guess I’ll let him know that last night I saw Brett Hull holding a pager and drinking a margarita at the bar at MiCocina in HP Village. I heard Troy Aikman was there but I didn’t actually see him. Sorry, Timmy. If it makes you feel better, you are thinner than Hully. Holy cow.

ZOMG! Hot Dallas Mavs Dancer Videos!!1!!1!

But really tiny, for some reason.

I’m sorry they’re not full screen, Tim.

Re: Post Traumatic Stress and Rubber Chicken Lunches

Meant to put this up, but I thought Dave might do it instead. Also in attendance at the Philbin Awards earlier today: former mayor Ron Kirk, former mayoral candidate Darrell Jordan (who apparently had something of a lunch reunion of mayoral also-rans–Sam Coats, Ed Okpa–on Monday but forgot to invite me; must’ve been for guys who actually finished), and Senator Royce West.

I’m sorry, Tim. Stacey is, too.

Overheard in Tim’s Office

Tim to Eric: “I haven’t been to a strip club since you punched that Russian girl.”

Okay, back to work.

Marion The Barbarian Gets A Fathead

OK, so now maybe you’ll see Cowboys running back Marion Barber in those annoying Fathead commercials, too.

UPDATE: Apologies to Andrea, a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader who already had a Fathead. So, who doesn’t have a Fathead?

T.O. Can Be A Charmer

A week ago or so, a friend of mine told me about Terrell Owens being very nice to her 6-year-old boy at a book signing a week or two prior to that. I didn’t blog it. Sorry, Tim.

Jason Kidd Drinks Coffee Drinks

Tim would probably also be mad that I didn’t mention seeing the Mavs point guard at the West Village Starbucks on Sunday. But celeb-sighting isn’t really my thing. Although if any of you spot J-Simp around town, please text me. Immediately.

Post Traumatic Stress and Rubber Chicken Lunches

CBS News foreign correspondent Kimberly Dozier (shown left) told a room full of journalists and lawyers (insert joke here) that despite being peppered with shrapnel thrown by a 300-pound bomb in Iraq, she’s post-traumatic-stress-disorder free, thankyouverymuch. How, you might ask? As soon as she awoke from the explosion, she said, she started talking about what happened: “I’m a woman in her 40s from the Oprah Generation. It’s hard to shut me up.” Dozier was the keynote speaker at the Stephen Philbin Awards luncheon today at the Belo Mansion. Jump for the grand-prize legal-coverage winners, etc.

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