Comments on: An Open Letter to the Prankster(s) Who Stuck 300 Pieces of Plastic Cutlery in My Yard Last Night

By: Oh My Eyes

Oh My Eyes — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 02:53:06 +0000

I may know where said feral hog can be obtained…. either live or dead.

True story.

When we moved out to the country, my ‘neighbor”, (who lives just 3/4 of a mile down the road), left us a special gift.

He dropped off a freshly killed feral pig in the front yard, and shouted “Welcome to the neighborhood! I’d help you cut it up, but I have others to deliver. See you later!”. He then started up his golf cart-like truck, and drove off.

I was shocked/horrified/disgusted.

The current Mr Oh My Eyes grabbed it up, hung it from a tree by it’s hind feet… and proceeded to butcher it.

And to keep it steady while cutting it, and peeling off the skin… he made me hold the pig by the little hoofies, so that it would not spin around.

I squealed more during the next thirty minutes than that pig ever did throughout it’s entire life….

I gagged as I clutched the feet… and transfered the cut parts to a basin to clean them before preparing them for future meals.

And after the process was over, I learned the definition of “Country Fast Food”.

It is when you put the rest of the carcass on the back of a hay trailer… and drive it off to dump it. I promise you, the sight of watching every dog for a one mile radius chasing that trailer down a gravel road.

And it will make you laugh like there is no tomorrow.

By: JH

JH — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:44:49 +0000

As long as we’re talking pranks, the best I have ever heard or witnessed was done by my brother.

In high school he used instant tea packets to turn a family’s pool into a giant glass of Crystal Lite Iced Tea.

By: Bethany

Bethany — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:38:57 +0000

Ooh…good point, JH. It’s like soaping their fountain, but using their detergent to do it.

Not that I’ve done that, either.

Note to self: Tim wants a feral pig in his yard, equidistant from the street and the front door.

By: JH

JH — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:54:17 +0000

Bethany, if you really want to up the ante you TP someone’s house with their own toilet paper.

The devil’s in the details, but it’s great when the papered person realizes that not only do they have to clean up the mess, but they also have to buy more TP.

By: Don in Austin

Don in Austin — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:37:03 +0000

Bethany,
Just adding that for extra added persistance of the paper maiche effect, go for the live oak trees. IJS.

By: tc

tc — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:11:28 +0000

I was wondering where I left my spork.

By: mm

mm — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:33:43 +0000

Kudos for “my greatest joy in life is to crush my enemies, to see them driven before me, and to hear the lamentation of their women”. I’m still laughing.

By: Bethany

Bethany — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:19:01 +0000

Whoever did it didn’t do it correctly, either.

You’re supposed to spell out a message with the cutlery, and should only be forks.

Also, if you’re going to TP someone’s house, you need to use the cheap stuff, a) it produces this delightful paper maiche effect after rain and b)it’s lighter, and more aerodynamic than the more expensive Charmin or Cottonelle, thereby producing a more effective throw.

Not that I have ever done ANY of that.

By: James

James — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:33:18 +0000

There is only one thing that comes to mind….”Burn B#$%* Burn”

By: Nate

Nate — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 03:50:40 +0000

Last year Tim hosted a picnic that was literally dead. No one showed up. Dejected, Tim didn’t clean anything up, so all of the plastic dinnerware blew off the table and landed on the grass. Over time, the plastic decomposed, but with the recent rains and plenty of BS that he was spewing, his lawn began springing up new plastic ware. Right now, he has the variety saved for public schools and corporate breakrooms. With a little more time and extra fertilization (from his articles and blogging), they’ll mature into the good kind of plastic ware that doesn’t bend in half without breaking.