An Open Letter to Bill “Ba” Arnold, GM of Martini Park
Dear Bill “Ba” Arnold, I am so very sorry for the incident Friday night at your fine establishment. I would like to apologize for the behavior — and the dress — of my colleague Eric Celeste (whose bald head you can see in the enclosure, reflecting the neon light from your sign). When the evening began, our group of five had no intention of visiting an upscale nightclub. That’s why, I assume, Eric was so cobblarly unprepared. To his credit, though, before we approached the velvet rope, he changed out of his flip-flops and into a pair of workout sneakers that he had in his gym bag, which was stashed in the trunk.
It was the workout sneakers that your bouncer found so offensive. At first, from a few feet away, I thought the problem might have been Eric’s purple-and-green plaid shorts. But no. It was the white Richard Simmons-style sneakers. And, really, I can’t blame the bouncer. The sneakers were awful. They were the sort of sneakers that, even when new, a homeless man would (rightfully) decline to wear.
Of course, the situation was only made worse when Eric asked to see a manager, and then, when you came over, he told you all about the story he’d written in D Magazine that prominently featured Martini Park, and then he begged and pleaded — atrocious footwear notwithstanding — to let us in since we’d driven all the way up from Dallas and so forth. All so unseemly. So undignified.
In closing, again, I’m sorry. Thank you for your understanding and for bending the rules. We had a swell time Friday night. And you have my word that next time we visit, we’ll be better dressed.
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48 comments
Look, it was a certain D Home staffer and a certain D Empire photographer who brought my story up. But I did beg and plead. That’s true. My favorite part was when the GM said, “Well, you’d think if you wrote about us, you’d know about our dress code.” And I said, “You’d THINK that, but I’m not that smart.” Our behavior was atrocious, but we danced hard and bought many drinks. Oh, and Tim, I paid for your cover charge. You owe me $10.
I’ll bet those sneakers were cougar kryptonite.
In all seriousness, you know what struck me about Martini Park? Very racially diverse.
Of course, the other thing that struck me was Eric dancing in white workout sneakers.
The only person allowed to do that is Kevin Bacon, and not now – ’80s Kevin Bacon.
Please don’t ever go back there. If anything Bill “ba” Arnold should be writing an open letter the city of Dallas apologizing for his “knock-off” of a club. That place is a dump. $10.00 cover to drink in a strip mall with no access to smoking, decent music or good-looking people under the age of 50…what a joke. Damn..Now I’m going to have “brick house” playing in my head the rest of the day.
Wow, I think James just insulted those members of the D Empire that attended with Eric “Big Time” Celeste. Either you all are over 50 or you’re … well, we’ll just say not good looking. Cold, James, just cold.
Eric, gimme back my gimmick.
Why wouldn’t Martini Park be diverse? It’s in Plano, right? Did it “include people from Thailand, Armenia, India, Afghanistan, Hong Kong, Colombia and the Ukraine?” Or didn’t it?
Eric, stay in Dallas. At the very least you can get out denied entry at clubs like Clear or Dolche without having to drive all the way out to the frickin’ boonies of Frisco. I’ll buy you a beer at City Tavern, white gandpa sneakers or not.
Nice James. But, some of us Planosites like Martini Park and the rest of The Shops at Legacy. We can enjoy something a little more upscale than the rest of Plano, and we don’t have to deal with all you thirty-thousand-dollar millionaires.
Shoulda gone to Cru. Nicer looking ladies than the skags and hags at MP.
Wow, we really love ourselves, don’t we?
We now have two Tim & Eric shows to enjoy.
One is totally awesome and the other is
totally aw,,,,
I look forward to reading about what you had for lunch and how funny you were eating it.
No no….Lunch is discussed on this blog, Thumberlina:
http://metrocolumnistsblog.dallasnews.com/
@ Tim-I’d rather deal with thirty-thousand-dollar millionaires then screaming children and families of 4.5 at my taco dinner.
@JS-No the team at D are all attractive, they just made a mistake or error in judement. Just stay close to the monk d-team. It’s best if the north and south don’t mix.
ugg..Martini Park is so…last year….the only reason they are staying in business now is people that go there don’t want to drive their gas guzzling H3’s and Land Rovers to cooler places. IF you have to party up that direction…go to Cru, or venture down the tollway to Loft 610.
So, how does that match work? Do they take their two kids and a dog, or do they have to cut little Jane in half just to eat there?
Dearest Alibaster Er I Mean Tim,
Clubbing in Frisco? Hmmm. Say four Hail Marys and do a good deed for the poor. And then stand on your head and juggle nectarines! Frisco! Oh, haha!
Sheesus.
@Tim-the .5 is either an infant or the neighbors kids that tagged along because it’s sleepover night..You’re the one that lives up there, you should know these things.
@ Thumberlina Low: I had a soft taco (leftover, homemade) and a clementine orange at my desk. But it was hysterical. Trust me.
I had some leftover lasagna and a small cup of sugar free jell-o. It was good, but not nearly as funny as I had hoped. I did almost spit diet coke out of my nose, but that was for other reasons.
I had what the deli in the building claimed was “baked potatoe soup.” I don’t know if the soup was baked, or the potato prior to becoming soup. I didn’t finish it, but I’m not dead yet either.
But I also don’t work at D.
And I was the only staffer there at 40. Two other younger men, and two young, lovely, and talented female D staffer, initials LK and EL. Figure it out.
@James: I don’t know because I have never seen a family of 4.5 (infant or neighbor’s kid) eating while I was in Taco Diner. I assume somebody with 2.5 kids in tow eats at places where the kids can get something for less than $10. IJS.
So wait…are we sawing a kid in half or not?
I had Thai. It was great until my child pulled a small yet wirey, curly, dark hair from her rice.
Eric, picture of the shorts in question? We need a visual.
Amanda, I bet they were a variation of this:
http://tomofthailand.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/richard_simmons.jpg
@James: The real reason 635 exists is to provide you with the boundary of the screaming child filled restaurants. You should know that, as a loyal reader of this blog.
I will say, I’m stopping at 2 kids (no .5 for me – it’s just too messy), so does that mean I can visit Taco Diner, too?
I don’t see too many 2.5 family types at Taco Diner but I do see the Crypt Keeper with his titts on a stick 20something Trophy Wife and 2.5 Chihuahua type thangs in a $$$$ human baby stroller.
Swear ta gawd.
I’ve decided Eric is ALL HAT, NO CATTLE.
Take that, Steve Blow…
Dear lord, amanda. He already has “boocoo” stupid phrases in his old-to-English dictionary.
Since you all drink like fish, who drove home, and how?!
I believe that Snyder Plaza and Preston Shopping Center are all North of LBJ.
I was at home, snug, safe, and watching the cheerleader movie, loosely, I mean loosely based on the McKinney scandal. Bethany and I have had significant detailed plot analysis, so she is immune as well…
However, Mr.ERIC, (it’s always Eric) said he would be at home, and posted a movie guide.
Like I said, all hat, no cattle. Boocooo hat.
Huh?
Footage of what REALLY HAPPEND…
Eric punches owner, bouncer KO’s Eric.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpmFv1NVf18&feature=related
Kelly…you might want to check your compass.
Shhh…let her think that. So is NorthPark, Kelly. It’s right off LBJ and Preston.
Ok-I didn’t mean to get everyone bent out of shape. I went one time to Taco Dinner and then Martini Park up off Legacy with friends that live in Plano and north. In that experience the Taco dinner was filled with more children than adults. It was like Mi Co HP, but no third floor to escape to. The MP was everything I already stated in my earlier blog. I certainly understand the 635 and dividing line theory. I was only responding to Tim when he was blogging about the $30,000 millionaire’s. Which is actually $50,000 now, due to inflation and living adjustments. The way I see it is, Let Plano and north of have their good public schools and let Dallas have our nightlife and bars. You don’t see us trying to build a nice public school and making it pass as a Plano, “knock-off” so step off our night life.
Here’s a shot of me heading up to the door:
In Kelly’s defense, Snyder Plaza & Preston Shopping center ARE north of LBJ’s grave…
My favorite thing about Martini Park is the way the whole place feels like it wants so badly to move to L.A. I always say it’s a place that moved to L.A. but couldn’t make it, came home and tried again in Plano…and kept the pricing the same!
I really hate to publicly admit that I live in the Shops at Legacy(my office is in Little Elm and the drive from uptown was killing me, please don’t judge to harshly). I tried Martini Park, and well the cultural diversity is there, the age diversity was not. It’s great to see alittle older crowd (I’m right around 30) out and having fun. It’s not for everyone, me included.
@ James. It’s making me crazy! A taco dinner is something you get at a restaurant, like “hello, I’d like the taco dinner please.” Taco Diner is the restaurant where you take your family of 4.5. At first I thought maybe you had a sticky “n” key but then you did it again twice in your next post, so it was on perpuss.
Oh my bad, I’m going too fast. Diner. I got it and yes, I know how it’s spelled. It’s difficult to reprimand, inspire, sympathize, work (real job) and spell everything when you’re moving 90 to something. Plus the topic got me all flustered.
Ps. That would really bother me too. Thanks for pointing it out.
UPDATED:::
Ok-I didn’t mean to get everyone bent out of shape. I went one time to Taco Diner and then Martini Park up off Legacy with friends that live in Plano and north. In that experience the Taco diner was filled with more children than adults. It was like Mi Co HP, but no third floor to escape to. The MP was everything I already stated in my earlier blog. I certainly understand the 635 and dividing line theory. I was only responding to Tim when he was blogging about the $30,000 millionaire’s. Which is actually $50,000 now, due to inflation and living adjustments. The way I see it is, Let Plano and north of have their good public schools and let Dallas have our nightlife and bars. You don’t see us trying to build a nice public school and making it pass as a Plano, “knock-off” so step off our night life.
Team James.
Now-I’m off to Mia’s for a Taco Diner..I mean a taco dinner.
Thank you…and good night!
I believe, if I remember correctly, that when MP was first advertised to open that the owner intended for this bar/club to be directed at the over 40 demographic.
I think some respondents on this blog never paid attention to this fact.
Told you Plano was more diverse than the urban yokels think, Tim.