Leading Off
1. Early this morning, the restaurant Cremona went up in flames. A firefighter was hurt while battling the blaze. There’s nothing funny about that.
2. Elaine Fulps won the much-ballyhooed free funeral yesterday at the Grand Prairie AirHogs game. She’s 60 and went to the game wearing a neck brace. She’s had about 20 surgeries to deal with various medical problems. Said Fulps, “God still has me around for a reason. To win a funeral.” To which God replied, “Okay, boys. Kill her.”
3. No. 3 is a fielder’s choice. Pick your own news story and see if you can write a punchy joke to accompany it.
39 Comments to “Leading Off”
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“GM says it may sell or redesign Hummer”
Just in time for Father’s Day.
Gina Gershon vehemently denies affair with Bill Clinton. Of course she does, she has a reputation to maintain. After all, she’s the one when asked if she was lesbian replied, “I’m not, but my girlfriend is.”
Secret sect plan not so secret, good. Just slightly worse than what they actually did. But it might have worked – if not for those pesky kids.
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/060408dntexcps.3ba4457.html
tomatoes linked to Salmonella, avoid salads, fried food is apparently better for you this week.
Clinton hasn’t decided if she will stay in race. Democrats have.
“Cowboys Extend Deal With Miller Brewing”
Beer-It’s Whats For Dinner
Hey Dallas residents….
I have found a city department worse than my own: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/liberty_city_police_face
“Sharon Stone Not Welcome At Shanghai Film Fest”
The Chinese will never forgive her performance in “Sliver”
“3-alarm fire strikes dallas restaurant.”
4-alarm chile sought for questioning.
dave: to add…”The Chinese will never forgive her performance and pronunciation of ‘Sriver’”
How’s this for a potential campaign slogan: Obama and Clinton–The Major Minority
UT Medical Branch at Galveston lost body parts of donated body donated in 2001;in an attempt to cut costs that body style has been discontinued.UTMB offering substitute parts to family
I’m happy for this guy, but this is also one case of where the DMN’s style to refer to everyone as Mr., Ms. or Mrs. on second reference kinda backfires:
http://www.guidelive.com/sharedcontent/dws/ent/stories/DN-hanke_0604gl.ART0.State.Edition1.461a1e0.html
Dallas DA Watkins solicits donations from Dallas businesses for party;in a twist of irony,Watkins won all of the prizes.
Cremonatorium?
“Salmonella Tomatoes F— Up Texan Guts”
Guns don’t kill people. Tomatoes do.
Obama crosses threshold, Hillary waits on doorstep to be carried in as new political super couple. Obama unsure if he can carry her baggage.
Nice Christmas poo reference, Bethany.
Hi-dy ho, Bethany.
Good eye! Although I thought that characterizing his professional development as a “crapshoot” was piling on.
A Modern Day Pollocaust
Tyson Foods in Little Rock confirmed today they had to gas and bury 15,000 hens that were exposed to the H7N3 strain of bird flu. Efforts were hampered when local residents began digging up the hens thinking they were full of gasoline. AP reports that one man was stuffing a bird into the gas cap of his pickup. When questioned, he simply said “put a Tyson in your tank”. Local authorities have issued a curfew due to widespread accounts of chicken choking.
Pacman receives partial reprieve from NFL. Possible chance of rain in local forecast.
Thanks, Sam. I’m thinking like a third grader today.
“Female gorillas are brought to Dallas zoo to meet bachelor male gorilla.”
Fox plans new reality show.
This just in…Tim Rogers is a lazy bastard. Film at 11. Or tomorrow.
Dallas City Council agrees to tear down Reunion and replace it with a city owned hourly rate motel.
Dallas Sheriff releases all jail prisoners,but still fails jail inspection.
“American Airlines Will Charge $50 for High Wind”
But he’s a joy to play basketball with, right Dave?
Dave Little, only through what you term my laziness was this genius comment thread possible. Once again, FrontBurnervians have demonstrated their awesomeness.
I was especially fond of Cremonatorium. Nice work, Gwyon.
Brigitte Bardot fined in France for what would be considered free speech in the US.
Oh, and she’s old and ugly now.
Eric: No.
Tim: Sure, captain, whatever you say.
Gwyon = greatness!
Cremonatorium reservation for Elaine Fulps.
Is Gwyon or Spamboy the genius? Or are they the same person?
From Unfair Park
http://blogs.dallasobserver.com/unfairpark/2008/06/cremona_rip.php
Spamboy says:
Cremona is now a crematorium. Sad.
Posted at: June 4, 2008 9:11 AM
Has anyone else noticed that the sketch of the NorthPark shooter:
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/060408dnmetsketch.59fde6d6.html
looks a lot like this guy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kanye_West
“Hillary and Ron Paul in Agreement”
they both still think they can be President
I’m so volunteering this columnist for a throwdown with Zac. That’s after I try some Ritalin so I can get back to work. Friends says it helps them focus…
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/DN-p2multitask_04bus.ART.State.Edition1.4642cb7.html
Friends say, I meant say. Dang, I lack focus today. And where’s that intern so I can delegate?
leaving Texas de Brazil about 9:15 last night we smelled gas and assumed it was due to the gas-fired “lamps” they have out front, one of which was unlit
coincidence Cremona up in flames hours later??? who knows? i’m just throwing it out there
also a little birdy just told me something i hadn’t considered prior – INSURANCE SCAM
again IJS
@columbiasooner As far as we know, we are not the same person.