Rangers Home Opener: The Live Blog!

Wherein I get paid to watch a game on the Internet. Go New Economy! Jump for it, hat-holders:

Also joining: Zach from New York, Matt from the Internet, possibly Adam and others.

1:12 — I don’t have a TV here. Have to game log it from mlb.com.

1:14 — Zach says the umps are already squeezing Jennings. He has two walks. I’ll have to take his word for it. MLB.com is slow.

1:15 — Looks like maybe I can get a TV cast off the web site. IT is going to HATE me.

1:17 –WOW! MLB.com’s gamecast is fantastic, just like the NBA. Let’s all go check it out simultaneously, and crash the server. Rangers got lucky as Jennings walked the bases loaded, but got out of the first not behind.

1:18 — Zach is watching on MLB’s extra-innings package. Having to watch the O’s announcers. He says, “I miss Lewin. This guy hasn’t shut up yet.”

1:21 — According to my screen, the ghost-like presence of Michael Young just grounded out to 3rd. Two outs in the first. Where the hell are my NACHOS!?

1:23 — Zach predicts seven runs on 11 hits. So there. (I assume for the Rangers.) Adam sets the stranded runners over/under at 12.

1:26 — Home run, Baltimore. Zach IMed: HR, so I yelled “Home run, Rangers!” to the office. Oops. MLB.com is a little behind, and Adam reports that ESPN.com’s GameCast is as well. Very Rangers-like performance from me so far.

1:28 — Zach’s updated prediction: Baltimore gets 18 runs on 29 hits, Jennings doesn’t get out of the 3rd.

1:29 — Zach: suprised that wash is alreadyhaving hte infield play in so early in the game. adam, are oyu watching?

Adam: According to the icons on MLB Gamecast, they’re at normal depth.

1:31 — RBI Baltimore. 2-0. Zach reports play could have been made if infield had been at normal depth. Also Adam points out how annoying the MLB.com notices are: “The incoming pitch has been hit into play.”

1:34 — Zac Crain wants to know if this is the same guy announcing the Baltimore game.

1:37 — A lot going on. Bradley singled to lead off the bottom half of the 2nd, Blaylock just singled to move him to third, and Zach set the over/under as to when Bradley will cut Laird with his spikes at 65 games.

1:39 — Everyone is trying to distract me. Adam keeps IMing stats he’s picked up from MLB.com (Murphy is 7-15 against Balt lifetime!), and Zac Crain is yelling at me that Bible Girl just posted a column about sex. So distracted. Meanwhile, Bradley tried to score on ground ball and failed. Zach’s analysis:

no way he should have tried to score

out by 89 feet

what a [redacted] cooler

1:45 — Trouble everywhere. The Rangers have 1st and 3rd with less than 2 outs and don’t score. Now Jennings gives up a single, then a wild pitch, then … oh, good grief, it’s 4-0. Home run Baltimore. And now folks are openly talking about abandoning the Rangers and the Live Blog after 2.1 innings.

1:50 — Zach: i blame the ridiculously baggy, aj abrams-like pants jennings is sporting today

weeeeeee

a ground ball out

DONT COUNT HIM OUT YET

1:51 — Well, things are looking up. We have Laird and Broussard coming up. Seriously, is this a Triple-A team? I know Laird is batting .385. See me in June.

1:52 — He strikes out swinging. It begins.

1:56 — Rangers go down meekly. To some of you that sounds good, but…

1:57 — Zach is now in love with the O’s sideline reporter, Amber Theoharis.

1:59 — Jennings mows em down, 1-2-3. Zach declares it best inning of his career.

2:01 — Matt from Plano joins us. He reports: “WOW! An unreal goal. Arsenal up, 1-0.” I think he may be watching a different baseball match. But he’s definitely taking a casual attitude toward work. (Warning: Simpsons reference.)

2:03 — Josh Hamilton, aka “one of only two keepers on a good team,” singles to center in the bottom of the 4th. Now Bradley is up. Never good when your 3 and 4 hitters are wearing the caps of other teams in their GameCast pics.

2:07 — Here we go, sports fans. Bases loaded, and Murphy is up, with a chance tie the game with one swing. Zach predicts an opposite-field, bases-clearing double, although he didn’t type that with the correct punctuation.

2:11 — Man down. Strikeout. Do we get a fourth out in the fourth inning? Please?

2:13 — In other man-down news, my Bassett hound is getting X-rays on his ankle as we speak. I’ll give FB Nation a report as to how long Elvis will be on the DL, as well as a prediction over how long it will take me to kill myself once I see the bill.

2:15 — Matt from Plano apparently also watching some pirate feed of Liverpool-Arsenal. He writes: seriously, this is pretty amazing. crystal clear tv - chinese announcers are speaking some strange language. also, they own wall street. I think they just mentioned buying the mets and moving them to fair park

2:17 — Meanwhile, we’re back with analysis from Zach:

Zach: good = byrd made a strong throw to keep the runner fromadvancing to 2nd … bad = the ball was hit so hard off the top of the wall, I could have made the throw that wouldkeep the runner from advancing

2:18 — Balt has men at 2nd and 3rd, 1 out. Jennings’ line so far: 4.1 innings pitched, 7 hits, 2 home runs, 4 earned runs allowed, 3 base on balls, responsible for both men on base. Ladies and gentleman, your ground-ball specialist!

2:19 — Tom Hicks makin’ a comeback! Liverpool just scores on a wicked header, Matt says, and just like that it’s 1-1. And Bob’s your uncle.

2:22 — Bases loaded. Isn’t that special? Add one more base on balls to Jennings’ line, and that’s it for the day. Jamey Wright coming in to pitch to Moore with 2 outs and a set behind him. Zach asks of Wright: “Is it ever a good stat when you’ve given up more hits than innings pitched in your career?” And, Wright answers with a ground out. Clutch, mutch?

2:31 — I’m not suggesting I’ve turned into a casual baseball fan, but is Jim Palmer in the bullpen now?

2:33 — Here we go, BIG inning. Rangers get first two men on base. And … Kinsler grounds into double play. Zach sets a new record for obscene name-calling via IM. New chatter, The Big Randy, has this analysis:

TBR: I dont get Young batting second. he needs to bat third. he’s our best player. Let Kinsler’s hair bat second.

2:35 — Matt’s halftime report of the Liverpool-Arsenal match: Matt: halftime. 1-1. that was the 3rd best header i’ve seen on the internet since breakfast. and, wow, the chinese have a McBreakfast item that somehow marries an egg with a pie, it brings you good fortune and bares you a son.

2:39 — Wright picks a man off first! Best defensive play of the year for the ‘Gers?

2:44 — Followed up by an awful error by Kinsler. What was more overrated one month ago? Ian Kinsler’s contributions or Eliot Spitzer’s morality? Discuss.

2:47 — Which, of course, leads to a 3-run home run by Baltimore. Wait! Could just be off the top of the wall. Ron Washington is talking smack to the ump. And smack wins! (Joke stolen.) They’re now calling it a two-run double. So we’ve got that goin’ for us, which is nice. Now only 6-0. Maybe Balt is still mad about this.

2:53 — The Big Randy makes a good point: “Where the hell is Adam? It seems like IMing is in his job description”

2:55 — Speaking of dogging it, the doc gave Elvis some pain medication and said, basically, “Hard to say.” So I’m sure that was cheap. And won’t require another visit. Who owns that vet, Tom Hicks?

2:56 — Okay, Tim is yelling at me to post something I saw elsewhere on the non-baseball part of the Internet. Be back.

3:06 — Bottom of the 7th. Time for a Rock Chalk Jayhawk-style rally And a single to center! Glad we got Dale Murphy from the Braves.

3:18 — I’m back, and we score! Liverpool, that is:

Matt: Torres just scored on a crack. Assist? LP keeper. 2-1 liverpool

3:19 — And we score, too! Kinsler RBI single. Who says he’s overrated?

(90 yard goal kick)

3:20 — And, then Hamilton proves me a baseball idiot by grounding weakly to short. Buffalo Bills-Cowboys live blog-style comeback not looking likely. On the plus side, I really have to pee.

3:29 — Clearly, I chose poorly. This from Matt on the back-and-forth football match:

Matt: unbelievable. one of the best runs ever. Arsenal just finished a 90 yard counter to equalize. 2-2 with 6+ mins left

oh no. PK.

Gerrard. 3-2 LP

3:35 — Okay, a 2-run single gives Balt an 8-1 lead. The chatters have stopped watching the game, and we’re now planning our fantasy football draft. So, perhaps baseball season doesn’t quite have us captivated yet? Also, all the jokes the IMers are making are far too crude to even adapt here. One player is now being referred to only as a certain temperature and form of excrement. That’s not family-friendly blogging. Although it is funny that TBR just compared Byrd to “a poor man’s Pat Putnam.”

3:42 — Liverpool, 4-2. Arsenal can take solace in the fact they probably outscored the Rangers.

3:44 — Three swinging strikeouts. That’s not a recap of my night, that’s the Rangers in the 8th.

3:52 — I would like to point out that Franklyn German pitched the 9th, that he is 6-foot-7, that he is 260 pounds, and that he is not German.

4:00 — And that is all folks. Final score, Baltimore 8, Rangers 1. Mavs, anyone?