How Will The Hottie and the Nottie Play In England? Not Well, Says Queenan.

I wish Dallas-born actress Christine Lakin a long and successful career on stage and/or screen, but I fear she will forever be linked to the Paris Hilton vehicle The Hottie and the Nottie. That’s (part of) the argument Joe Queenan makes in the Guardian as that movie makes its UK debut. Queenan writes at length (and with much humor) about what makes an awful movie truly awful. On the positive tip for Lakin, THandtheN is not the worst movie ever. It’s not even truly bad:

A generically appalling film like The Hottie and the Nottie is a scab that looks revolting while it is freshly coagulated; but once it festers, hardens and falls off the skin, it leaves no scar. By contrast, a truly bad movie, a bad movie for the ages, a bad movie made on an epic, lavish scale, is the cultural equivalent of leprosy: you can’t stand looking at it, but at the same time you can’t take your eyes off it.

Queenan even has some good(ish) news for Jessica Simpson:

To qualify as one of the worst films of all time, several strict requirements must be met. For starters, a truly awful movie must have started out with some expectation of not being awful. That is why making a horrific, cheapo motion picture that stars Hilton or Jessica Simpson is not really much of an accomplishment.

Read the whole thing.