How “March Madness, Dallas Edition” Was Won

In the Pulse section of our March issue, we included an NCAA Tournament-style bracket pitting various Dallas-related people, places, and things against one another. After the jump, a look at how the tourney shook out. (Note: I can’t find the link, or else it hasn’t been posted. So grab a copy and cozy up to your computer, CueCat-style.)

UPDATE: Here’s the bracket.

– The first round featured a number of upsets. The highlights:

• Mark Cuban was the highest seed (No. 2) knocked out in the first two rounds, falling to his nemesis Decorum in a thrilling, to-the-last-second game that had the kids on Decorum’s bench hopping up and down. Ultimately, Cuban couldn’t handle Decorum’s unorthodox full-court-press defense.
• In the same section of the bracket, the Dallas Stars were eliminated by Indifference. I’d like to say it was close, but the fact is, the Stars just weren’t ready for that kind of malaise. And Dirk, Regular Season was absolutely run out of the gym by Dirk, Playoffs, the first step in Dirk Playoffs’ magical trip to the Elite Eight.
• Jim Schutze was a surprise casualty, falling at the hands of Morning News columnist Jacquie Floyd. While Schutze was a darling of the media heading into the tournament, he couldn’t handle Floyd’s inside game.
• Another mild surprise came when former Ticket host Greg “The Hammer” Williams knocked off Michael Irvin. When it came down to crunch time, however, The Hammer’s ability to attract comments from P1s in bunches was able to override Irvin’s name recognition and penchant for seven-button suits.

The Sweet Sixteen included a number of close games (Tony Romo vs. Mexico, featuring a controversial finish that will be talked about for decades, and a gritty Dwaine Caraway slugging it out with City Hall Indictments), but only two real upsets.

• Decorum slew another giant, taking down $30K Millionaires by running a confusing Box-and-One defense on their stash of credit cards. By the time they figured out a counterattack (payday lending), it was too late.
• Dirk, Playoffs continued an unlikely run by dropping Victory Park. Insiders said if Dirk, Playoffs had been playing like that all season, it might very well have ended up as a No. 3 seed instead of sneaking into the tournament. It’s officially the team to watch for next season.

For a few hours, it appeared as though we were headed for an all-Cowboys Final Four, but while Tony Romo and New Cowboys Stadium were able to hold on and make it in, Terrell Owens was bounced by Oil following an embarrassing late game miscue (a player stepped over the end line while inbounding the ball, costing TO a chance to tie the score) and Jerry Jones lost to “Cheese” Heroin (the lowest seed to make the Final Four), blowing a commanding 12-point halftime lead.

As for the Final Four, Tony Romo dropped a close one to Oil after an impromptu trip to Bali prior to the game, and New Cowboys Stadium crushed an on-the-rise “Cheese” Heroin, setting up an Oil vs. New Cowboys Stadium finale.

The game was close until the final three minutes, when New Cowboys Stadium went on a 14-2 run. Many at the game believe we’ll be seeing a rematch of this one next year.

[Cue "One Shining Moment"]