Marty Cortland’s 10 Secrets to Getting As Rich As He Is

In response to Marty Cortland’s most recent back-page column in the “print product,” about setting up trust funds for his children, he received a letter from a University Park gentleman who is going through bankruptcy. Below, you’ll find Marty’s advice to him:

First, the letter from the reader:

Dear Mr. Cortland:

When I was a little younger, and my future as an attorney looked bright, I had often thought of how I would distribute wealth to my children one day. With recent set-backs in marriage (gone) my career and mounting financial problems that have resulted, I am now looking at losing my house and being embarrassed every time I have to ask a friend for help or make an appearance in bankruptcy court in which I have to represent myself because I can’t afford to hire my own attorney.

My son is about to get the hard lesson of worrying about how to finance his college education, and I pray daily that I can somehow pull myself from the fire and keep my daughter from having to change school districts (both kids live with me). Don’t get me wrong, I really am not trying to whine (though successfully doing it anyway), but I think I would rather have the dilemma facing you and those in the wealth management seminar than the problems I am facing at the moment. Certainly, the stress would be a lot lower.

So, how does one obtain your level of wealth when having to start over? How did you get there? In the past, pride would keep me from asking, but pride has gotten me nowhere.

Thanks for the article. I enjoyed it.

Name withheld, University Park (for now, anyway)

And here was Marty’s response:

You’re clearly going through a rough patch, and I’m sorry to hear it.

I hope you understand the fundamental joke of my column — that I have neither the wealth of my wealthier friends nor the wealth that I desire, so perhaps I’m not necessarily the best person to look to for advice.

But to answer your questions, the following have proved helpful in getting me where I am:

1. Stop watching TV. Instead, read newspapers, books, and magazines — or work.

2. Work twice as hard as the next guy.

3. Observe the habits of people who are successful and try to emulate them.

4. Why are you reading this? You should be working.

5. Save your money.

6. Work without complaining.

7. When you have saved enough money to have discretionary investment money (note, you should be saving all your discretionary “spending” money), invest small pieces of it in private companies — say $5,000 to $10,000 — but not in bars or restaurants.

8. Follow things through to completion.

9. Move out of University Park.

10. Work.

Hope that helps.

– MC

8 comments

  1. Are you trying to get us to go soft on ol’ Marty?

    @ 2:56 pm on February 22, 2008
  2. I am lost…what’s the value (humorous or serious) of a bland series of mush-meal platitudes a la Suze Orman?

    @ 3:43 pm on February 22, 2008
  3. Dear Bobby:

    I thought that you understood the mission of FrontBurner: to provide value-free content with a dollop of snark.

    Conversationally,
    MC

    @ 3:51 pm on February 22, 2008
  4. Wow. So that’s what it takes to be able to afford artwork?

    The riddle of the ancients is solved.

    @ 4:02 pm on February 22, 2008
  5. Delusional arrogance creates a wit that is far superieor to the author. The King learns humor from his court jesters and passes it off to his slaves as his own.
    This results in misdirected humor, yet humor all the same. One can not be impressed enough with the “paper product” that is produced by our King/Queen.

    @ 6:42 pm on February 22, 2008
  6. Dearest Marty,

    I read your column with a giggle, but by the end I was somewhat disillusioned. Since you’ve added it to the blog, perhaps you could enlighten me on the three questions I had after reading your position.

    1. Do you consider your parents lives to be happy?
    2. Would your parents consider yours to be happy?
    3. Will your kids look back and consider theirs a happy childhood?

    Please don’t answer me, answer yourself.

    @ 7:14 pm on February 22, 2008
  7. Waste. Of. Time. Can I have my 5 minutes back?

    @ 8:27 pm on February 22, 2008
  8. tim/funny guy/marty,
    The column is flat, but I like the effort. It’s just not clicking. Please hire someone w/o a nom de guerre with a real POV.

    @ 3:01 pm on February 23, 2008