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Some Notes From Last Night’s Rodeo

As the more aware among you no doubt know, we’re in the final week of the Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo. You know that phrase, “This isn’t my first rodeo?” Well I went to the rodeo last night, and it was my first. Some notes after the jump. And y’all from Fort-Dub be nice now to this here city-slicker. I might go back again.

–The occasion: My wife is family friends with the Micallefs, who operate the Reata restaurants. During the FWSS&R, Reata runs a restaurant and the Backstage Bar right there at Will Rogers Coliseum. The Micallefs were kind enough to invite us to enjoy dinner with them (which we did) before taking in the rodeo. Great seats, too.

–Things I expected: a lot of Cowboy hats (check), some cheesy rodeo MC banter (check), dirt (check). Things I did not expect: Stella Artois on tap, Gloria Campos in attendance, and a monkey riding on the back of a sheep-herding dog (more on that later).

–As an aside, I now know what the carnies at the State Fair Midway do in the off-season with all of their doodads. They sell them at the rodeo. If you’re in the market for a glow-in-the-dark rope, a pink hat made of plastic fur, a toy ray-gun noisemaker, or any of the like, get thee to the rodeo.

–Rodeo starts before you even know it. Huge grand entrance, which might be redundant. There were scores and scores of Fort Worth dignitaries and rodeo directors on horseback crowding the arena. Seemed like it would require much rehearsal. But I’m told the horses pretty much know what to do, maybe even more so than the people. Last night got off to an inauspicious start when one of the flag bearers fell off her horse. But you know what you do when you fall off a horse? You get right back on that horse. (She did.)

–First event was the Bareback Bronc Riding. A question: Why do the riders even bother wearing Cowboy hats? They lose ‘em in the first .7 seconds, on average. (A guesstimate.) Also, were I a Bareback Bronc Rider and the rodeo MC talked as much trash about me as I was straightening my neck and spine and dusting off my chaps, I’d be all like: “Hey, do you mind? I’m trying not to die down here.”

–Next event: Calf Scramble. About six or seven calves try to escape the grubby mitts of two or three times as many pre-teens who try to wrestle (”wrastle”?) them into the center of the coliseum before time runs out. The kids get $500 if the succeed. If it sounds cruel to the calves, you should see the pained exhausted looks on the faces of the contestants. You’ll wonder whom to feel more sympathy for.

–Rodeo MC about a certain roper’s hometown with is sooo small, “they brand zip codes on the jack rabbits and coyotes.” I get that, but not the follow-up. “In [Whatever], Montana, they listen to Wyoming in the morning and feel Canada at night.” (?)

–A sample of the trash talking: After hyping a roper who then missed, rodeo MC says, “I said he raised horses. I didn’t say he roped all day.” He then added, “But I don’t care. He’s got a beautiful wife … cuts hair.” (??)

–Interesting Cliff Claven fact, if said rodeo MC is to be believed: More quarterhorses are used in team roping than any other equine contest.

–Team roping seems like it has the highest potential for frustration. The header could do a great job, only to have the heeler miss completely. Or, if the header misses, the heeler’s like, “I didn’t even have a chance.” Yes, the header-heeler relationship is not unlike marriage … or parenting … or something else. I’m still working on that analogy.

–When someone tells you that part of the rodeo, inter-competition entertainment includes a monkey that rides a dog that herds sheep, you might have an expectation of awesomeness. Awesomeness served. I don’t know what awards trainer Tommy Lucia is eligible for, but I nominate him for all of them. Check out Whiplash. Or check out Star-T’s Kristin Campbell’s video. And check out the rodeo before it’s over next Sunday.