Dr. Phil, What Do You Want For Christmas?

“Now, listen, you don’t need a Mason jar to make a chipmunk dance. You don’t need a pound of ground round to win a duck calling contest. You don’t need a pair of hip waders to graduate from clown college. You don’t need a rocking chair to whittle a corn cob pipe. You don’t need a pair of stilts to drink a root beer. You don’t need a hug from a stranger to pull a quarter from behind my ear. You don’t need an hour glass to jump over a toadstool. You don’t need a sailor to teach a farmer phonics. You don’t need a hay bale to milk an ant. You don’t need a ‘77 Camaro to flunk out of law school. You don’t … wait, what was the question? Oh. A mustache comb and a subscription to Vibe.”