You should do this for everyone on staff.

I keep waiting for the punchline…but it never comes! If he is for real..D mag needs to get real and lose him.

Howsabout let’s use polls from a vendor that doesn’t do a DMN popup show on my desktop.

At least half of those “Can’t stand him” votes are my wife’s, so the data are somewhat skewed.

I tend to agree with Kelly - Tim’s alter ego. Hoping this guy is oozing sarcasm rather than being for real. If he is for real, outta here is my vote.

Is Marty the guy who used to be Yvonne’s morning show partner on the old 93.3 Merge FM? Because he was not funny.

I fear that my next column will provoke the rabble to torches and pitchforks. Good thing I’ll be safely in Aspen when the issue comes out. Or rather, it’s a good thing that almost 60% of my fans don’t actually read me.

While I’m sure that 7 or 8 readers enjoyed Marty Cortland’s column in the December issues, I didn’t. An entire page of “I’m rich, no really did I tell you I’m rich?” isn’t interesting reading to most. There was a time when talking this way was considered tacky but I’m sure Marty would have to peel the $100 bills from his clueless forehead to see that. Please edit better next month and, in case you need help, we don’t care about Marty’s car, type of watch, shoe brand, wife’s age, wife’s plastic surgeon, Marty’s 1040 income figure or the details of Marty’s vacation homes either.

Good Lord, what a bunch of Sour Grapes. I know, I know, if you all had Marty’s money, you’d do things so different. Mother Theresa ain’t got nothing on you, right?

So, D Allen, do you mow your own yard, or do you pay some guy with a pickup truck and a lawnmower who doesn’t “have a decent roof over their head when they go to sleep at night” to do it for you?

Do any of you ever stop and think about the tiny hands that sew those great clothes from China that are clogging our malls? Or is it okay to oppress people as long as there are enough degrees of separation?

You know, if a fella from some industrial smudgepot of a village in China took a look at my modest plans to remodel the kitchen in my home in east Dallas, and heard me dithering over which micro-hood to install over the cooktop, he’d be just as flabbergasted as you are about Marty’s worrying over the private jet thing.

It’s just a Matter of Perspective and where you fall in the Pecking Order. Besides, if people with oodles of money bother your folks, why are you reading D Magazine?