1 – How much ya bench?
2 – My girl friend’s are bigger than your girlfriend’s!
3 – My untucked shirt is way cooler than yours.
4 – RR Sport, gimme a break!
5 – My daddy has more money than your daddy.
6 – Beautiful Room, I am the Beautiful Room!
7 – Nice fauxhawk Bro!
8 – We only drink Ketel here, you gotta problem with that?
9 – Go back to Carson’s chump!
10 – Are those Bugle Boy jeans you’re wearing?
11 – Don’t bump into me. I’m VIP everywhere!
12 – Ghost Bar is down the street pal.
13 – Nice tan! Which Ompa Lumpa were you?
14 – Jerk Store called … (for you Seinfeld fans)

Boy, though, I do wish we had these stories in my neck of the woods. The last fight I saw in a bar involved an effete Brooklynite and a couldn’t-hold-his-liquor college student arguing over the proximity of Rochester to Rhode Island. Good times, good times.