The Next Editor of the Observer

…should not be Laura Miller, despite what TexMo editor Evan Smith suggests. Why not? Oh, for information like that, I’m afraid we’re going to have to jump.

Let’s look at Evan’s case point by point.

1) She’s experienced at working for and among irrational people. Yeah, that’s true. But here’s the thing: she’s rich. She doesn’t need the hassle. If she wants to tell someone to go [redacted] their [redacted] with a giant [redacted], she can always turn to the help.

2) She’s a great polemicist (in the nicest sense of that word). They already have Schutze. If you’re hoping for pre-public office Laura, they’d constantly be on each other’s toes. If you’re expecting former mayor Laura, they’d cancel each out. Either way, it’s a mess. But the staff meetings would be awesome.

3) She knows how to make headlines. Not as hard as it looks. I could do it tomorrow. So could you. Really. Not a big deal.

4) Any room she walks into immediately snaps to attention. I doubt that would be true at the Observer. They’re used to foul-mouthed women. They have Andrea Grimes. No one over there, save for Robert Wilonsky, Patrick Williams and Jim Schutze, really knows her as a journalist. She’d just be the high-strung lady in workout clothes screaming at the guys installing her new built-in shelves. There’s a difference between fear/annoyance and respect.

5) She’d bring instant credibility to something that needs it. Maybe if someone discovered a wormhole, allowing 1995 and 2007 to exist simultaneously.

6) It would be an indescribable amount of fun to watch her tangle with Wick Allison and Bob Mong on a daily basis. It would be fun — if she’d do it. But she wouldn’t. See Point No. 1.

7) And she’d probably blog. No, she wouldn’t. Again, Point No. 1.