Least Shocking Line of the Day

I had to wait until the day was almost over, but I felt confident this one wouldn’t be topped. A woman named Tracy Mooring in Gun Barrel City was explaining to police officers what all went down during an altercation with another woman inside Gator’s Sports Bar and Grill around midnight on Saturday. Mooring was interrupted when that other woman, Laura Ward, who happens to be the mayor of Eustace, came out of the club and belted her. Here’s the not-at-all shocking part:

Alcohol played a role in the earlier argument between the two women inside the bar, according to police.

You think so, doctor?

Stephanie Quadri To Increase Fox 4’s Foxy Factor

At 8:20 in the a.m., our fashion maven will be on Fox 4 Good Day, the one with Tim and Megan. (Does Fox 4’s Tim enjoy his Timness more than our Tim? Discuss?) She will be there to talk about the new issue of D Fashion, as well as the goings-on during Fashion Week in New York.

They’re asking her to be “less sophisticated, more bubbly.” Stephanie is very concerned about this direction. “I don’t do bubbly,” she said.

Re: “Pony Up” Slogan Finds Its Way to Area Hindquarters

Lest anyone think that photo was a trick of Photoshop or one of those temporary tats, an alert FBvian sends confirmation:

Wow, I can’t believe my buddy’s [word that Wick doesn't like] made it to the D Magazine blog. Another friend of mine took the pic, but I was definitely there for the whole thing (he got it the night after the Texas Tech rout). His mom definitely does not know (and definitely shouldn’t) so I will spare his name, but he is a SMU alumn (I am, as well). Two of my friends and I each pitched in $50 to pay for it (the tattoo artist said he’d put it on his chest for $60!). Anyway, just wanted to backup the validity of this pic. As hairy as it may be, it is, indeed, real.

Irving Deporting 300 Illegals a Month

Mayor Herbert Gears says it is not for being undocumented, but for criminal or code violations, reports Patrick McGee of McClatchy Newspapers.

UPDATE: I am informed by a ink-stained, westward-leaning FrontBurnervian that Patrick actually works for the Star-Telegram, where this story originated.

Confessions of an Immigration Quisling

So I came out of the closet on my change of mind about illegal immigration. This has provoked more questions than a blond with an abacus. Jump if you’re interested.

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Paul Kix To Sell Hoopty, Invade Boston

Not sure why we haven’t mentioned this yet, but Tall Pall is selling his sweet ride because Monday is his last day at Casa De Wick. He’s leaving to become a senior editor of this rag. Folks who think they can fill 6-foot-4 shoes — not easy…I mean, the dude enraged all of Southlake, for heaven’s sake — then email your qualifications to timr@dmagazine.com.

And be sure to pour a 40 for Tall Paul. We’ll miss him. Not editing his copy, but him, the person. Cue this.

The Smokeout: Day 1

First off, I’d like to thank all of the kind FBvians out there who have sent me their quitting smoking success stories and offered me encouragement. It has helped a ton. I’ve made it almost 24 hours without a cigarette, the longest I’ve gone without in just under four years. My modified cold turkey system is working more or less swell so far. I haven’t even blown up at anyone yet. That said, my wife had better get to the point a little bit quicker next time she calls.

Send Me Your Favorite Neighborhood Haunts

Good people of the FrontBurner Nation, I need your help. Click here and tell me about the little Italian joint down the street or the Mexican food spot around the corner with great tamales. I am scouring the city for the mom and pop spots that fill us up on a regular basis. Here’s your chance. Bring them.

“Pony Up” Slogan Finds Its Way to Area Hindquarters

A FrontBurnervian sends along this photo of a friend of a friend and swears that it is legit. Somewhere — though she likely doesn’t know it — a mother has something to be proud of.

Hot Time This Friday Night

What if the James Beard Foundation, the most renowned culinary organization in the nation, threw a national food festival and invited everyone? Guess what? They did. Or shall I say they are on Friday night. The James Beard Foundation Taste America is taking place simultaneously in 20 cities including Dallas. The celebration revolves around the culinary skills of our local and national chefs. The Dallas event will take place at Nana starting at 6:45PM. Host chef Anthony Bombaci will introduce guest chef Patrick O’Connell, from The Inn at Little Washington. Local rock star chefs—Kent Rathbun, Brian Olenjack, Dunia Bogia, Julia Lopez—will join forces with local sommeliers—James Tidwell, Drew Hendrick’s,Vincent McGrath, Barbara Werely—to create a wine dinner to remember. Few tickets left here. Go. Now.

Boomer Fatter

You want gratuitous mentions of your promotion on FrontBurner? Here’s a two-step plan to make that happen.

1. Involve the No. 3-ranked powerhouse that is the University of Oklahoma football squad.

2. Involve fresh-baked foodstuff.

The good folk at Sprinkles followed this gameplan well. It’s as though their PR team scripted the company’s first 20 plays today. This promotion is a touchdown. Erin Andrews should be sideline reporting from my desk as we speak. (I’ve got a whole bag of these.) The not-so-full release (quit editing my posts, Tim):

Sprinkles, coinciding with the Red River Shootout and for two days only (Friday, October 5 and gameday, October 6) will feature two signature cupcakes celebrating the OU-Texas game, Longhorn Vanilla (vanilla cake with vanilla buttercream frosting) and Big Red Velvet (red velvet cake and cream cheese frosting). Total proceeds from the sale of each goes to Children’s Medical in Dallas and Children’s Medical Research Institute at OU, respectively. So, Texas fans, be sure to eat it.

Our New Web Overlord Has His First Assignment

I wanted to make a few jokes about Belo’s (meaning Channel 8, the Dallas Morning News, etc.) new partnership with Mochila, which promises iTunes like a la carte selections of Belo’s print and video content. (I was workshopping something like, “Dude, no, seriously, The Essential Reese Dunklin ‘Deep Cuts’ are only $24.99!”) But then I read some more about how Mochila operates, and it actually sounds like a smart distribution system. I have no worries, though. The man you see pictured here will soon be on the case.

Cindy Crawford to Make Us All Feel A Little Less Pretty at the Cattle Baron’s Ball

As I’m sure you’re all aware, the 2007 Cattle Baron’s Ball is this Saturday out at Southfork Ranch. This is the nation’s single largest fundraising event for research for the American Cancer Society, and that is a great thing. It’s also a great thing because the Cattle Baron’s ladies are cool chicks who like to have a good time, and they get great bands like Big & Rich, Cowboy Troy and Brad Paisley to play at the party. But the point of this post is that supermodel Cindy Crawford is going to be there as well, following a personal appearance at Bachendorf’s at the Dallas Galleria. Why? Follow the jump to find out.

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Troy Aikman Can Read Blitzes Better Than Audiences

A newspaper-reading FrontBurnervian passes along this gossip-y item from the Washington Post. Aikman was in D.C. to call the Redskins-Giants game (way to choke, Washington) and picked up a speaking gig along the way. A drug company paid Aikman to tell a group of doctors about his past troubles with migraines.

[O]ne doc in the audience raised his hand with a personal question: “Did you ever have to say, ‘Honey, not tonight, I have a headache’?”

Ha-ha! But Aikman didn’t get it and forged ahead with a sober answer about how his migraines affected his football game . . . and then someone explained the joke. Aikman’s snappy comeback: “Honey, I have Imitrex tonight!” (Yes, he’s the paid spokesman for the migraine drug.)

Later, Aikman told a curious couple why he really did like Wing Stop, and not just because he endorses the Dallas-based chain. Cue Fake Aikman: “Where’s my money?”

Busting Loose

Okay, so I’m still not sure what I think of this book “Busting Loose From The Money Game” because it’s entirely possible I’m not that smart. But apparently I have a chance to meet the author, Robert Scheinfield, tomorrow night at Unity Church of Dallas. It’s a three-hour shindig being presented by the Everyday Feng Shui Company which, as far as company names go, is awesome. That much I am sure of. Click here to request more info.

Re: Beautiful Women

Already voted. Folks who know me well won’t have trouble guessing on whose button I clicked.

I’m Already Out of Excuses to Blog About The Bachelor

Sigh. Our local gal, Natalie, was one of the first given the boot on last night’s awesome premiere of the ten millionth season of The Bachelor. But she went down proudly: One reality-watching FBvian was at Ozona last night, where Natalie had gathered about 70 of her closest friends to watch her approximately three minutes of air time. But this is one show where it’s better to be underplayed—at least she wasn’t the girl who showed off her webbed toes, or the one who put both legs behind her head, or the one who got trashed and pulled out her bra inserts. You stay classy, Natalie.

Vote for the “10 Most Beautiful Women in Dallas”

Forgive me for bringing this time suck to your attention. Judging from personal experience, it’s going to cost you about 45 minutes of your day. But our sister publication D Beauty just fired up its “10 Most Beautiful Women in Dallas” contest. And YOU get to vote. Go here to see pictures (and videos!) of 20 very attractive women. Every week until October 15, three women will be voted off (or, rather, won’t receive enough votes to stay in the contest). I’ve got a fave. It wouldn’t be fair to point her out. But she knows who she is.

Why Larry Kilgore Can Eat Ham

Yesterday I noted the “Christian” candidacy of Larry Kilgore (I put it into quotation marks because I don’t particularly like how certain groups have abrogated the term to themselves. Someone else has used the term “Christianite,” which does seem more appropriate). A very nice lady from the Kilgore campaign corrected me about the dietary laws:

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Ye Very Olde English Item Up for Auction

Have an empty wall space that just needs some kind of … I don’t know … iconic ancient legal document-ish treatment? A mere $30 million could get you one of the 1297 copies of the Magna Carta. (And they’ll throw in a frame, I bet.) Billionaire Ross Perot’s foundation tells Bloomberg News it will sell its copy of the 2,500-word English document in mid-December through Sotheby’s.

The copy of the English document, which was originally drafted and signed in 1215 and which laid the foundations for English political and civil liberties, was reportedly bought by Perot in 1984 for $1.5 million.

Leading Off - Harassing School Children

Aaaand with that I shed the last vestiges of sympathy for the anti-illegal immigrant crowd. It’s funny. It wasn’t the arguments put forward by the pro-illegal immigrant side that changed my mind. It was, to a significant degree, the actions of the anti-illegal alien crowd that turned me off.

Leading Off

1. Farmer’s Branch continues its jihad against Hispanics, asking for names and addresses of all schoolchildren. Coward councilman Tim O’Hare directs this effort but doesn’t return phone calls to explain his actions.

2. Mockingbird will be under construction for some time in the Park Cities between the Dallas North Tollway and Hillcrest. Take a seat and watch the Lexi honk.

3. Mark Cuban brings “the white man’s overbite” to Dancing with the Stars, as he performs tonight. I didn’t watch Emmitt, and I won’t watch Cuban. I’m holding out for Dancing Wick.