Sell Your Marlboro Stock: Zac Crain is Quitting Smoking

I haven’t quit just yet. In fact, I just had a cigarette, theoretically the penultimate smoke break of my long and distinguished career as a smoker. I say “theoretically” because I’m not so foolish as to say something I might have to take back as soon as a day or so from now. Tomorrow is the official start of Attempt No. 72 to banish cigarettes from my life. Kind of odd to start on a Tuesday, I know, but the last pack I bought lasted longer than I thought it would.

I realize this post errs pretty substantially on the side of navel-gazing, but I thought it necessary to preempt questions later this week. Such as: “Why is Zac typing in all caps?” And: “What did [fill in the blank] ever do to him?” And: “Huh. I thought they weren’t allowed to curse on FrontBurner?” You, sweet, sweet FBvians, might be safe tomorrow; I currently have enough nicotine in my system to coast for another 36 hours.