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Anybody But Me Remember O.L. Nelms?

Once upon a time, before the Punic Wars, I was a small child growing up in Dallas. I learned to dance at Buster Cooper’s, drank sodas at Sally B’s, and bowled in Preston Forest. Fast forward to yesterday when, after thanking Tristan for opening another Fireside Pies, a brain cell formed in the 50s broke free. Suddenly I remembered the signs once painted all over Dallas: “Thanks all of you for helping O.L.Nelms make another million.” They were everywhere—on billboards, the side of buildings, on top of birdhouses. Nelms was a “colorful” Dallas tycoon who started with nothing and built a candy and tobacco business into a bazillion dollar industry. He didn’t believe in education (mostly cuz he had none) and was incredibly generous (he bought an empty building with a parking lot and left $5,000,000 for his funeral celebration). So Tristan, share the love. Thank us when you get there. I miss the 50s and Hiney Wine.

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