“I Challenge You to a Sing Off”

I have a long list of things I want to see and do when time travel becomes a possibility. I now have to add this to the list and, furthermore, give it a spot near the top. Not (necessarily) because Cubes got punched. More for someone singing “I challenge you to a sing off” while hip-deep in a bad Elvis impersonation.

‘Oookay. But If You Are Charles Wyly, Where’s Your Cool Beard?’

New York prosecutors have nabbed an alleged identity theft ring led by a Russian who targeted the Fortune 400 list for victims. Igor Klopov headed up the scheme and was the one who posed as the Texas billionaire:

Prosecutors allege Klopov, while posing as Wyly, was able to obtain a new checkbook for his bank account. They say he then wrote a $7 million check made out to a gold dealer in Westchester County, N.Y., before the fraud was discovered.

When you write a check for $7 million, don’t they ask for your driver’s license number? It seems that they might.

Crash and Recover

For the first time in a week and a half I’m posting from my own laptop, thanks to the guys at Taylormark, who just recovered my crashed hard drive in just 24 hours. While I was here dropping it off yesterday, I overheard them saving some guy’s 200-page novel he’d lost to a crash. Definitely worth visiting if you have a meltdown like my MacBook Pro did.

Residents to Narcs: Who’s Harvesting Those Pot Fields?

The inimitable Michael Davis of Dallas Progress emails us–what? no time to blog, Mike?–about yesterday’s pot farm post. He says:

Some people in the ‘hood are mad b/c they feel that the feds should’ve waited to see who comes to harvest the dope.

Makes sense. Michael says the Council will discuss dope harvesting in September. It is unknown whether members will honor the puff, puff, pass rule.

Luqa Not On First Floor, Second Floor…

Nancy brought you tales of woe from Luqa. Here’s another one from a bitter FBvian:

Was supposed to meet four friends  last night at Luqa. Only, when we got there, the kitchen staff was sitting outside on a card table. “The place is closed.” US: Closed? But we have reservations at 8. You mean it’s closed for good? “Oh, they’ll probably try to re-open it. But there’s nobody in there to cook for you tonight. This is the whole kitchen staff. We haven’t been paid in five weeks, so we walked out tonight.”

I talked to the guys for a little while. They said they had attempted to work with management/owners, but that “they weren’t even trying to get us paid.” The manager there was on the phone attempting to arrange  alternative reservations for customers who were showing up.

Here’s the thing: I know there are two sides to every story. But I can’t possibly see how this could have an explanation for not paying people, or how they could say this was some kind of misunderstanding. Workers in that situation know one thing: they have to hang in there as long as they can, hoping to get paid, because once they walk out, they know for a fact they’ve given up any chance of getting the money owed to them.

The Trinity Referendum Sentiment Survey

Wow. I must admit I’m a bit surprised. And gladdened. I had feared that people might be blasé about the referendum. So far — at least in the FB Nation — that doesn’t appear to be the case. The jazzed crowd has 62 percent of the vote.

Bunnies Running Wild In North Dallas

Settle down Timmy, they aren’t the Playboy variety. An animal-lovin’ FrontBurnervian with a running problem, reports that there are two really cute and cuddly bunnies hopping along the trails at the Cooper Aerobics Center.You’d think that of all places in the world some innocent bystander would be able to catch the widdle wabbits, but noo. Want to try your luck? Call 972-207-7712. BYOC.

Dallas Folks Set Open Restaurant In L.A.

Mark Cuban and Todd Wagner are set to open Westside Tavern (June 2008) at the Westside Pavilion in trendy West L.A.  The address is already home of The Landmark, the flagship theater in the Wagner/Cuban Companies’ theater chain. Guess who they called in to consult on the restaurant side? You got it, the Pied Piper of Henderson, Tristan “T-Bone” Simon, CEO of Dallas’ Consilient Restaurants. You can bet Nick “Baddy” Badovinus is cooking up some nasty “upscale dinner and a movie” cuisine (my description, not theirs).  So I’m taking wagers:  how long before we see photos of BritBrit face down in a bowl of mac-n-cheese. Awe. Some.  Oh, and thanks Tristan. Let’s grab some chow and a flick soon. Ciao. Kiss kiss. Poof!

Habeeb is Old News But Cheaters is Still Riveting

From a television-watching FBvian:

Watched the other night because my yard man’s wife was exposed in an episode. Priceless. How on God’s earth did Leonel (who is from Mexico and speaks halting English) become aware of this show and get connected to be on it? But there he was, his wife found underneath a valet parker in Mesquite. Who knew they valet parked anything in Mesquite? There lies the power of the media as an educational tool.

Re: Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris didn’t have plastic surgery. He gave his wrinkles a roundhouse kick.

Habeeb’s Old News

I know the Daddy Inventors NYT story came out today, Paul. But you could have at least pointed out that FrontBurner was all over Habeeb’s nipple-creating company more than eight months ago.

Tommy Habeeb: Host of Cheaters, Inventor

First off, I didn’t know Habeeb hosted Cheaters. I thought it was Joey Greco. No? When did that switch happen? Anyway, when Habeeb isn’t hosting the aforementioned or Stag: Last Night of Freedom! (I like the exclamation point but can’t say I’ve seen the show), Habeeb spends his time at his Dallas home thinking up inventions. Specifically inventions that make his parenting life easier. (Despite a career reveling infidelity, Habeeb is a married father of three.) This story says he’s come up with an invention that applies the nipple of a baby bottle to any water bottle. To which we say: nice.

Chuck Norris Gets Plastic Surgery?

Can you say “upper blepharoplasty“?

DMN Copy Editor Gets Giggle With Double Entendre

A FBvian with his mind in the gutter points us to this giggle.

The Trinity Referendum Sentiment Survey

Hey, Tim Rogers here. Everyone’s favorite up-and-coming sophist. (Tip o’ the hat to you, Patrick Williams. The end of that Buzz piece nearly made me do a spit take with my gin and tonic.) Today I’m curious to learn what you think about the Trinity road referendum. Not whether you think we need to build the road between the levees or not. Just simply if your civic switch is flipped by the debate and the chance to cast your vote. In other words, are you engaged, or are you turned off by the entire mess? I’ll close the poll tomorrow morning. Hit me:

Leading Off - Killin’ Sticks

…Justice Department records indicate total firearm sales have remained roughly even in recent years.

So there are fewer businesses but they’re more profitable, meaning they can offer better volume discounts and customer service. Awe. Some.

Bruce Wolmer, R. I. P.

It’s a sad day for the art world with the news of the death of Bruce Wolmer, with whom I had the honor of working when I owned Art & Antiques magazine. He was a meticulous editor, a great thinker, and a gentle man. The obit from today’s NYTimes is here.

J. C. Penney’s On A Winning Streak

The latest quarter for our largest Dallas-based retailer beats forecasts.

Double Murder In Northwest Dallas

I admit I was emotional this morning. Last night I watched several episodes of Meerkat Manor, the fun but hard to watch story of several tribes of meerkats that live (and kill each other) on the Kalahari Desert (where I just spend my summer vacation). Anywhoo, just about a half an hour ago, I was watching two young cardinals bathing in the water of my luxurious birdbath. Their joy was interrupted by a small flock of white-winged doves (hit it, Stevie) landing for a swim. The doves hadn’t been there three seconds before a red-tailed hawk swooped in from nowhere and grabbed TWO doves. He landed on my patio, the doves trapped between the cement and his talons, and rocked back and forth until he’d squeezed the life out them. I sat horrified as he proceeded to pluck them apart. I’m totally primed for this morning’s edit meeting. Bring on the day.

Leading Off

1. It was looking scary for a while, but it looks like Dallas will maintain its status as the most crime-ridden major city in America.

2. In sad news for Trey, the number of places you can purchase a killin’ stick has decreased by nearly 80 percent in the past decade-plus.

3. Ahhhh! The webworms are here! Hide your shrubbery!