RE: LAST NIGHT’S MAYORAL FORUM

Geez. Where to begin? Adam begging for credit? My new hairdo? Let’s jump!

Right. The question about when was the last time the candidates felt unsafe in this town. That question, as you’ve no doubt surmised by now, came from Adam. He also suggested that I ask the candidates: “Fort Worth — can we take it?” And: “Point at the biggest douche onstage with you right now.” And: “Do you like my tie?” And: “Is this bleeding?” My particular genius lies in knowing who has the skill set suited for a particular task and then enlisting that person’s help. And then ignoring most of the help they offer. Thanks, Adam. (And Tristan.)

One of my favorite answers to that question came from Roger Herrera. He said he felt unsafe while putting up campaign yard signs in part of Oak Cliff. He said gang members drove by and looked menacing. I asked him how he could tell they were gang members. He said he could tell by the types of cars they were driving. When the crowd snickered at that, I said, “I’d hate to hear what you’d think of me if you saw what I drive.” (White 1997 Jetta.)

Here’s what else I remember (vaguely):

– Herrera is a saliva talker. The whole night, I kept imagining Sylvester the Cat. And Quincy Carter. In his closing statement, he encouraged everyone to run for office because he enjoyed the process so much. His last words of the evening were: “I got to meet Moose!” He also, at one point, referred to himself as a “homey.” (Fun fact: Michael Hinojosa was Herrera’s coach at Sunset High.)

– Edward Okpa needs to run for City Council. This guy is really smart, though you wouldn’t know it from looking at his disaster of a campaign site. For instance, nowhere on his site does it even mention the guy’s biographical info. Came here 21 years ago from Nigeria. Started as a busboy. Got a degree from Harvard. Became the head appraiser for the FDIC’s central region. Started his own company (which he refuses to run with a minority-owned business designation). I mean, you start talking about how to rejuvenate a neighborhood and build a tax base and encourage development, this guy has ideas. He’s got figures. He’s actually going to talk over the heads of most of the people in the room. Which is his problem. That, and that no one knows who he is. Google his name and “Harvard” and “Dallas.” You don’t get much. So that’s it. He needs to start in the Council and build some political capital. Keep an eye on this man.

– Jennifer Gale is a sweetheart. That’s really the key to understanding her. She’s a little nutty, sure. But she’s not running for her own ego or because she’s nutty. I think she’s running because she genuinely cares. When she was asked what she would do to lower crime, she said one of the reasons the crime rate is high is because we don’t, as a city, spend enough time with each other. If we knew each other better, had a better connection with each other, it would reduce crime. So she suggested having a big festival where everyone could get better acquainted. I told Rod this. He said: “A festival sounds good. As long as you have enough cops at it.”

– Don Hill doesn’t have the balls that Jennifer Gale does. He was confirmed to be there last night. He sent a personal e-mail to the organizers letting them know he’d be there. Thirty minutes before the gig started, he backed out.

– John Cappello is like that torture machine in The Princess Bride that takes your life force away. I think I lost five years last night listening to his monotonous voice. It’s almost like he’s a doing a parody of someone who talks in a monotone. Didn’t they have speech class at Jesuit, John?

– Ed Oakley and Max Wells weren’t there, so I’m not going to bother to give them links. Boo!

– Mark Davis is a true pro. The evening ran longer than two hours. Only through his skillful emceeing was it bearable. Mark, when you see him, tell Tristan thank you for me.

– Sam Coats, Gary Griffith, Tom Leppert, and Darrell Jordan are four white guys who’d have a good time together chillin’ at TGI Fridays. It was odd how many times one of them would be answering a question, and the other three would nod in agreement. None of them flips my switch. I don’t think much switch-flipping is going on at all, in fact, which is why voter turnout is expected to be so low tomorrow. But if one of these guys wins, we’ll do just fine. It’s easy to see any one of them being mayor.

– Finally, my hair is (one of) my current obsession(s). For the past year or so, I’ve been shaving it nearly bald. I haven’t worn it this long in more than a decade. Very insecure about it. “Neat and crisp haircut of a Young Life leader”? Matt Pulle, you really know how to hurt a fellow.