CAN SOMEBODY HELP THIS WINO?

A graveling, nose-of-spice-tobacco-black cherry-berry-and-cassis lovin’ FrontBurnervian Wino sends this message about a bottle:

I’ve fallen in love with Verasion Cabs, their Black Bart Syrah, and the 2003 Krupp Brothers Estates Stagecoach Vineyard. Problem is that I’ve shot my mouth off about them and the only place I know who carries them (Chateau Wine Sellers) is sold out…of all of it. Aargh!!! I’m hosting a dinner party next week and I’ve promised these wines to my guests. Any idea where I might be able to get my hands on some? Please? Help? Please?

I feel your pain pirate, that’s why I don’t entertain anymore. Here’s my advise: call for Chinese, screw open a bottle of Bonny Doon Pacific Rim Riesling, turn your HDTV to TNT and watch back-to-back-to-back-to-back Law & Order. Put the money you saved into your 401-K and call me in the morning. Back to you, Laura.