JEAN-JACQUES TAYLOR: HE’S NO WORDSMITH

In his explanation of the recent changes at the News, editor Bob Mong said the following of sports columnist Kevin Blackistone’s departure:

We’ll miss Kevin’s columns, but we are fortunate to welcome Jean-Jacques Taylor, our esteemed Dallas Cowboys writer who will take over Kevin’s spot. You’ll find Jacques’ humor and keen reporting skills very appealing. Jacques really likes to break stories.

Taylor does appear to be all kinds of sourced-up with the Cowboys. And his column did break news on the T.O. front. But Taylor, I’m afraid, is no Red Smith. Here are the first four graphs of his column, with my footnotes. I’m not talking about grievous sins here. Just the little things that add up:

Money, as many rich folks will tell you, is not a salve¹ that makes them immune to the same problems that affect my life or yours.

Fame, wealth and status don’t guarantee utopia.²

Terrell Owens lived through a traumatic childhood. Imagine as an 11-year-old, discovering your father lived across the street with his own family.

Critics say the 32-year-old star receiver should get over his childhood issues because they happened so long ago. Well, our country is full of folks who lay³ on psychologists’ couches and spend hundreds of dollars on hour-long sessions to deal with childhood issues that haunt them as adults.

1. Salve is something you apply to wounds to speed healing. It’s not a prophylactic or something that grants immunity. The word he was looking for in this medical analogy was “inoculum.” But that’s a goofy word, so perhaps: “Money, as rich folks will tell you, does not inoculate them against the same problems that affect my life or yours.” Or: “Money doesn’t make rich folks immune to the blues.” Just a suggestion.

2. “Utopia” can refer to a state of perfection. But more precisely, I think, “utopia” refers to a place or a society. “Happiness” would have worked just fine here. Or, if you prefer a little alliteration and a subtle allusion to ice cream, “good humor.” Again, a small matter.

3. Not much wiggle room here. I’d prefer “lie.”