LAWYERS TO ROCK HARD

Adam, I need a punny headline here. Twenty-five lawyers are putting on a rock show at the Granada September 16. You can get more info here. But first, we need a headline.

RE: COPYWRIGHT

Actually, it’s trademarked. We got our official paperwork on the FrontBurner mark from the govmint just last week. The little ® thing will show up on our site soon as our web people get their act together. Meantime, those interlopers will be hearing from our good, strong lawyers at Haynes and Boone.

SPEAKING OF COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT

Ahem. A web-surfing FrontBurnervian finds another FrontBurner out there. (Notice the capital B, too.) For shame. I like Ron Rosenbaum’s stuff, too. Hope he likes the letter from our lawyer.

TEXAS, POOR TEXAS

A FrontBurnervian alerted me to today’s Hotline recap of the latest census info. To quote:

Everyone loves rankings, and yesterday we learned which states were the fattest, dumbest and poorest. So we crunched the numbers, and put together this chart that lists each state’s ranks in mean SAT score, obesity rate, and poverty rate.

Texas ranks in the bottom ten in all three.

IN DEFENSE OF S&P

As has been pointed out in this space, other blogs, and a certain magazine, Standard & Poor’s has sued coffeehouse Standard & Pours, alleging the name confusion has hurt the former and helped the latter. The lawsuit is seemingly silly, but according to this guy, it’s totally necessary. Check it out.

OPEN UP, DALLAS COUNTY

Blogger Michael Davis says it’s long past time for Dallas County to truly open up its campaign finance records, following the lead of the City. You can request the stuff, but if it’s about an elected official, the request has to go do that official’s office. That “puts a bulls-eye on your back,” Davis correctly concludes. What he doesn’t know, nor do we, is what’s holding the county politicians back from opening up the information flow. Oh, that.

JESSICA SIMPSON NEEDS A LOZENGE

Jessica Simpson’s publicist says what we’ve all been thinking:

“She sounds a little off, but, you know, she can’t sing.”

Turns out, she’s got a bruise on her vocal cord. In other news, she’s allegedly dating John Mayer. They totally deserve each other.

WE READ OTHER BLOGS SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

Fingers of Fury links to a DBJ story that says the new Wright Amendment deal will result in higher fares and reduced services for North Texas fliers. This take comes from nine anti-trust experts, one of them an SMU professor, who argue that opening up Love Field to more flights but reducing its gates will produce “significant anticompetitive effects.”

I’d like to read more about this in the Morning News. Any day now would be great.

CAR CHASES GALORE

What is going on? A motorcyclist led police on a chase last night in Garland. Two teens in Irving tried to run down an undercover officer. And then this morning a man led cops on an hour-long chase, starting in Grapevine.

All of these chases are highly dangerous–not to mention expensive, with gas prices being what they are these days.

HOSTAGE SITUATION AT LOVE FIELD HOTEL

Morning news watchers no doubt know already about the gunman who took a woman hostage, beat her, shot a cop, and then presumably took his own life early this morning. Scary stuff.

RE: CIGAR SMOKING

Thank you, kind FrontBurnervians for the suggestions. (Yes, I’d thought of Javier’s but it’s not open ’til 5.) Other contenders: Sambuca’s patio, Capital Grill, Riccardi’s, and Two Brothers Cigars in downtown … Plano.

CIGAR SMOKER NEEDS HELP

A wealthy Friend of FrontBurner intends to have an afternoon meeting, one that includes cigar smoking. Does anyone out there know of a cigar-friendly establishment in the downtown/Uptown area that’s open well before happy hour? Puffers please advise.

STATUESQUE D MAG RECEPTIONIST FINDS HIT-AND-RUNNER

Long-suffering FBvians will recall the tale of Alexis, our receptionist, whose car was hit recently in the parking lot of Cafe Express. The culprit has finally been caught. Or, rather, he turned himself in. And it turns out, he’s a fine fellow after all. Keath Patterson recently moved to Florida, which is why we (and Alexis’ insurance company) had trouble reaching him. His wife saw the item on FrontBurner and called it to his attention. In a note to Alexis, Patterson apologized profusely, said he wasn’t even aware that he’d hit her car. And he says:

Due to the relentless investigations of the intrepid D News staff, I have been forced to flee the state. I am now in an undisclosed location in Florida, simultaneously making restitution and working on my tan.

RE: T.O. OWNS DMN

Dear Tim,
On behalf of myself and your 140 colleagues, please do not argue that the media doesn’t matter. Even if it’s true, we don’t want word to get out.
Best,
Reid

THE COLONY IS ABOUT TO GET ITS CAFFEINE ON

Residents of The Colony, prepare yourselves for “a uniquely relaxing atmosphere and a wide range of signature and specialty beverages and fresh food products for casual in-store dining, carry out and/or catering services,” as a coffee place called Daily Grind is opening in your neck of the woods. Ooooh, I bet Starbucks is quaking.

RE: OBSERVER CHANGES ITS TUNE

According to two FBvians, the Observer has already hired another music editor. Says one FBvian:

Think she’s from Minneapolis, someone “with Dallas ties,” whatever that means.

RE: T.O. OWNS DMN

Reportedly, Jerry Jones is T.O.’ed at the DMN about T.O., too.

RE: T.O. OWNS DMN

Reid, I went to the game. Took my son to his first ever NFL contest. Trust me: it didn’t count.

And you think the media-driven “T.O. hype” poisons the locker room? Uh-uh. Not buying it. By that logic, if the Philly media had stuck to writing about the games and just ignored T.O., he’d still be playing there. If there’s jealousy and resentment in the Cowboys locker room, it’s because of T.O.’s actions–not because the media reports (or hypes) those actions. The players know the score.

RADIOSHACK REDUCES WORKFORCE

More than 400 RadioShackers got some bad news this morning, via e-mail. Reminds me of Homer’s suggestion to Bart on how to break up with Mrs. Krabappel: “Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.”

LFT AT GHOSTBAR TONIGHT

If you want a sneak peek of what Victory Park’s chic new concept (we so anxiously await) LFT will offer, go to Ghostbar tonight. Kim Dawson models will sport designs from the soon-to-open retail spot during a fashion presentation at 8 p.m. Dress to impress and don’t fret if you are running behind. We hear the best crowd arrives fashionably late, around 10.

OBSERVER CHANGES ITS TUNE

I don’t know any more details yet, but Dallas Observer Music Editor Sam Machkovech is out. ‘Tis a pity, if you ask me. Sam is a swell guy.

Update: Sam comments in that link’s comments section. Turns out his leaving wasn’t so voluntary.

SAY IT AIN’T SO, NELLY

Former Mavs coach Don Nelson is headed to Golden State. Play shuffleboard with him at his bar soon, while you still have the chance.

RE: T.O. OWNS DMN

Tim, the “it didn’t count” excuse is the lamest of lame. First, preseason games do count to the hundreds of thousands of fans who attend the game or watch it on TV. It matters to the NFL to build up the season, and it matters very much to the players and coaches, whose careers are at stake. Don’t tell a 260-lb linebacker trying to make the team that preseason “doesn’t count,” or he will stick your snark where the sun don’t shine. The point is that ‘T.O. hype’ does begin to overshadow otherwise legitimate stories, which fosters jealousy and resentment among players, which leads to locker room discontent, which leads to on-field failure. And the media has a HUGE role in that. This was a very good example of editor(s) making a choice that foments, not simply reports, a story.

RE: T.O. OWNS DMN

Reid, it was a preseason game. It didn’t count.

And another thing: as Jerry Jones himself has said, the T.O. B.S. is good for the team. It generates interest. (The Rangers would love it if T.O. would come play for them.)

RE: LITTER PROGRAM

For those who missed Adam’s joke, we’ve been publishing people’s names in the magazine and shaming them for littering going on four years or so. One of my favorites:
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