JESSICA SCRAPES BOTTOM

Rumor has it that Jessica Simpson is secretly dating Dane Cook, the most unfunny, untalented, yet somehow successful comedian since Carrot Top (without the killer props, natch). Even is the rumor isn’t true–and I doubt that it is–such gossip is sad, sad, sad. [sigh] I bet she misses Nick as much as I do.

In other Jessica news, she won’t be Lucy Ewing after all. Supposedly, Katie Cassidy from 7th Heaven snagged the gig.