RE: URBAN ASSAULT

Maybe Tim’s blue ball affinities belong with the supreme blueness entities.

RE: URBAN ASSAULT

From where I sit, it looks like he has two little blue ones. I always wondered about his heritage.

RE: URBAN ASSAULT RACE

Oh no.

RE: URBAN ASSAULT RACE

Alternate Headline: TIM ROGERS HAS A BIG BALL

Feeling sad that you missed the opportunity to see Tim competing in the Urban Assault Race on Sunday? Wishing you were able to see him in uncomfortably short shorts? Wondering if Tim took any, um, “pleasure” during the race? Rest easy, gentle FrontBurnervian, and feast your hungry eyes on this photo. On behalf of FotoJack, I remind you that the photo is for sale. Buy as many as you can. Please.

SAMIR HAUNTS MY DREAMS

It’s bee time, baby. Last year, speller Samir Patel broke my heart. But he’s back again this year to compete in the Scripps National Spelling Bee. Some local media outlets have adopted Richardson’s 12-year-old Amy Chyao. But my money’s on Fort Worth’s Samir. Seriously. That’s not just an expression. Daddy’s got five dimes on that kid. Make me proud. So far so good: Samir (and Amy) have advanced to the third round.

Live-blogging of the event can be found here.

LUV TO RUMORMONGER

Rumor has it–and, bear in mind, it’s just a rumor and we’ve heard similar rumors before–that Southwest Airlines has hired McKinsey & Company “to study a Dallas headquarters-style operation for Phoenix.” Possibility or just posturing? Only The Shadow knows. (Actually, some veeps probably have a good idea, but I’m guessing they won’t share.)

EATING THE KFC BOWL CAUSES BRAIN DAMAGE

So, Rod, Jessica, Laura, Elizabeth, and I just waited 10 very long minutes in the drive-through at KFC on Lemmon. We ordered a Famous Bowl. I asked the girl at the cash register how many they sell. She said, “Lots.” I pushed. “Like how many?” She broke loose, “We sell lots. Everybody orders them.” Obviously, her brain has left her body. Here’s the deal: a wad of instant mashed potatoes sits in a plastic flat-bottomed container. So, technically it is not a bowl at all. Reconstituted brown “gravy” is troweled across the potatoes before a handful of canned corn is tossed in for color. Next up: six or seven clumps of soggy “chicken” (probably bound with sawdust) are piled on and the whole mess is covered with melted cheese. It looks nothing like the picture on the KFC website. Although it does remind me of a picture of something I threw up after too much Boone’s Farm in 1970. It tastes even worse. Yes, FB Foodies, I took one bite for the team. BUT, I didn’t swallow. I even tried to make it look better by styling it with daisies. If you eat this, I have no use for you. Photo by Elizabeth Lavin

RE: THE COLONEL

A media-type FBvian who has to just report the facts wants to share some comments on The Bowl:

“Commissioner Price once fought the good fight against alcohol sales in lower-income and minority parts of the city. How about these dietary toxins?”

Rod: You hit the nail on the head. Thank you for speaking up about this. It is almost taboo these days to bash the way people eat, and I am sick of it. It’s about time we start holding each other accountable for the flab, not to mention the health problems. I’ve often wondered about the socioeconomics of diet, and recently saw a study stating that most kids in low income families are overweight. Interesting, because in developing nations, the poor are too thin. It’s a shame that eating healthy foods seems to be out of the reach of most low income homes, when it really should not. We would be well served to take the fast food places to task about just where they advertise and to whom, just like we did with the cigarette types.

Ahhhhh, thank you for letting me get that out. As a news anchor, I am not allowed an opinion. This is like therapy.

PRETTY PICTURES FOR YOUR EYES

If you liked Peter Calvin’s photographs in the current print version of FrontBurner, then I invite you to the Afterimage Gallery, in the Quadrangle, this Saturday evening, for an opening reception. We are but a small, humble magazine. And Peter is a great, big, prolific photographer. He’s got lots of images we didn’t have the space to publish. So come check it out.

LEGACY TOWN CENTER = FAKE TOWN

So says the WSJ. Thaddeus Herrick writes of tiny, fabricated cities offering urban life without the “riffraff,” as one Legacy-resident put it. The article is lengthy and good. I suggest you try to get your hands on a copy and read it with your eyes.

TWO PASTY DORKS TAKE 7TH IN URBAN ASSAULT RACE

Over the weekend, yrs trly and D contributor Trey Garrison participated in the Urban Assault Race. Good times. If you like to ride a bike, I recommend it. My only regret is that we didn’t finish nine minutes faster. Then we would have come in fourth, beating Two Old Farts. Alas.

RE: THE COLONEL

Nancy, I got your back. Which I can still easily see since you’re not inclined to eat that noxious bowl of fried salt, trans-fat, sugar and assorted chemical flavorings. It’s bad enough that America is addicted to junk food, and that 66 percent of us are overweight, half of that number obese. We have fast food corporations feeding the junkies and pretending it’s just “tasty.” And marketing especially to young people and lower-income areas. Screw that. It’s killing you faster than high gas prices are emptying your wallet. Commissioner Price once fought the good fight against alcohol sales in lower-income and minority parts of the city. How about these dietary toxins?

T.O. TRAINING CAMP

Next week, Owens will host a two-day youth football camp. Admission is $195. As the San Francisco Chronicle’s Scott Ostler says:

Should be a great camp. Every evening the boys will sit around the campfire in T.O.’s driveway, each listening to his own iPod and bitching about the counselors and the marshmallows.

Hehe. Ostler made a funny.

SLATE CALLS PAT ROBERTSON’S BLUFF

Last week, we brought word of Pat Robertson’s ability to leg press 2,000 pounds. That’s right–a ton. Today we found this Slate story, which calls the leg press, “The Lamest Exercise in the World.” The piece then critiques Robertson’s form.

In short, you can’t place your hands on your knees and push up, Pat. And you need a fuller range of motion. And that 2,000 pounds? More like 940, something FB reported previously.

THE COLONEL IS THE DEVIL HIDING IN A PLASTIC BOWL

A FrontBurnervian Foodie with a bod for eating right and a brain for calculating empty calories, picks the wrong day to draw my attention to this atrocity to taste. I’m sorry—no, I’m not—but this is toxic stuff. Yes, I am a food snob and I am high-and-mighty about the fact that I do not waste calories on junk food. Any. Ever. (Well, maybe a Coke now and then.) But KFC’s bowl of crap has pushed me to distraction.You want this in your body? You are a loser. And that includes everyone, except Rod, working in this office. They are all headed to KFC right now. By sundown, their jeans won’t fit. But my genes never have. I’m going to jump.

BACK TO YOU, NANCY

RE: JOHNNY LLOYD ROLLINS

A music-loving FBvian has seen Rollins and reports:

My son and I saw him open for Salim Nourallah at Bend Studio a couple of weeks ago. He is really fantastic, poised for the big time. He reminds you of a pre-jumbo chicken Elvis. Voice as smooth as butter, very well-written songs. You could see him walking into Sun Records in the ’50s, guitar over his back like a weapon. He was backed by Joey McClellan of the Valentines and Eric Swanson was on bass. BTW, Bend is a great place for live music.

RE: ANOTHER MAGAZINE

As its web site suggested, I took a look at the allegedly forthcoming Luxe Texas‘ kissin’ cousin over yonder at Luxe Colorado. It’s got a purty mouth.

JOHNNY LLOYD ROLLINS ROCKS LIVERPOOL

We told you about Dallas’ own JLR back in January’s Pulse. Now comes this BBC recap of the International Pop Overthrow Festival. The writer says JLR was the No. 1 highlight.

YET ANOTHER MAGAZINE IN DALLAS

Word is that Luxe is coming to Dallas. Planned November launch. It’s run by a Florida company called Sandow Media. They do some pretty stuff. But I don’t get the concept of the Dallas version–if, indeed, it’ll focus on Dallas. Sandow is calling it Luxe Texas, and their imagery is very cow heavy. So perhaps they intend it to be a statewide publication. If so, good luck with all that.

MRS. JOHNSON TO START GAME 5

So sad this morning. The game last night was not a good one for the boys in blue. The most disappointing part was that the Mavs just didn’t seem to have much fight in them last night. Unlike Avery’s wife, who mixed it up with some Phoenix fans in the stands. If I’m Avery, I put her in the game tomorrow night.

MICHAEL FINLEY SAVES $1,000

A round-ball-watching FrontBurnervian notes the Spurs fans are still whining. That Michael Finley technical foul in the second half of the second quarter of Game 4 has been rescinded. “Does that mean we win the game by one point?” Coach Popovich asked. Get over it, people. Go Mavs.

RE: BANK ROBBER

I’d like to point out that the June issue of D has a photo of a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, too, including her salary. If there are any bank robbers out there right now, and you can’t stand/find a copy of Texas Monthly, pick up D and you can get caught, too.

Additional theory on the Round Rock robbery: the 62-year-old dude wanted to get caught.

TEXAS MONTHLY NABS BANK ROBBER

If you’d just robbed a bank, would you take a seat in the lobby and begin flipping through magazines? Paul Wendell Gunn did:
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HERE IS THE DEAL

Il Mulino is open. But they will be closing “a little before” July 1st. That comes straight from Joseph “Bada Bing” Palladino. “Joseph and Phillip” are going to keep the location, remodel, re-concept, and open after Labor Day. He wouldn’t say what the new place will be, but I get it’s going to be casual and involve steaks. Can’t wait. “Price point” was the reason given for Il Mulino’s decline. Due to a licensing agreement with Il Mulino NY, J&P couldn’t “dumb down” the Il Mulino concept by lowering prices. So there you have it. Chef Michael Abruzese is already making pizza down the street at Palladino’s new spot Coal Vines, another bad name from the company who gave you Oui/We, Fuddrucker’s, and Lobster Ranch: Home of the Bucking Lobster. Phil once told me he wanted to name the pizza joint Pasta Toots. Hey, he lives on Straight Lane and I don’t. Yet.