NICE WORK, TIMMY

I just got off the phone with Tim’s wife Christine, who won’t let Tim drive himself to work because he’s still drunk from last night. If I understood the situation correctly, he slept outside, although he did call me from his couch. And thanks to whichever poker buddy drove his car home.

Tim is lucky to have such a patient and understanding wife. And such a patient and understanding managing editor, for that matter. I encourage everyone to call him repeatedly throughout the day and yell really loud into the phone.

THE FUGLIES DO DALLAS

Yesterday, Tim reported that Brit and K-Fed were in the area. I’ve got a Four Seasons’ spy with some scoop:

Yeah, this morning on Kidd Kraddick, K-Fed said his single Papazao was just a publicity stunt. Yeah, right. I guess he’s promoting his new CD and is going to be at a club in Addison. My work friend’s parents live at the Four Seasons and they see John Travolta there once a month. I guess he comes in for flying lessons at DFW.

Jennifer! Laura! WE are going to be in Addison tonight. Let’s go on a K-Fed/Brit/Sean Preston hunt.

YIPEEEE!

Austin has bats, and thanks to TXU, Dallas has parakeets. Lots of them.

RE: LIFE SPONSORSHIPS

I’ve already had several serious inquiries. One special observer wants to see a picture while another wants a review from a former sponsor.Here are both.

MARCHESA

Marchesa designers Georgina Chapman and Keren Craig are in town today to do a PA and attend an event this evening at Neiman Marcus NorthPark celebrating their US launch of both the couture and ready-to-wear line of evening wear. Marchesa gowns are the talk of tinseltown since being spotted on the red carpet on stars such as Renee Zellweger, Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson, and Felicity Huffman. The vintage and Asian-inspired collection was influenced by Marchesa Luisa Casati, the eccentric and notorious European society queen and muse of artist, Man Ray.

I sat down with the two Londoners this afternoon to talk gowns, glamour, and cowboy boots. To read the full interview, click below.
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RE: SPEAKING OF MY MONEY

As for the rest of us:

I can be had for a half bottle of Pinot and a fish taco.

Paul goes for a Shiner Bock and cab fare.

Laura succumbs to Coors Light and Chee-tos.

Jennifer likes chocolate cake dipped in Tim’s blood.

Tim is under a restraining order so don’t bother.

KUDOS TO JAMES RAGLAND

I’ve complained many times in this space about the lackluster Metro columnists at the DMN. But Ragland’s column today has made a difference. The chief of the Tarrant DA’s pretrial division read Ragland’s column and reversed a previous decision not to prosecute a man simply because he’d attacked a woman with a criminal record.

SPEAKING OF MY MONEY

I am currently developing a new financial plan for my life. It’s going so well I thought I’d share it with my fellow FrontBurnervian Females. Start selling yearly “sponsorship packages” for your life. Like mine:

$100,000—Nancy Lite
Package includes twelve dinners at Dallas’ finest restaurant, brilliant conversation, customized birthday party, Valentine’s Day card, and 3 dates of your choice.

$250,000—Nancy’s Gold
Sponsors who choose this option will receive 24 dinners, brilliant conversation with a hint of sexuality, customized birthday party, Valentine’s Day kiss (no tongues), 6 dates of your choice, and a tour of my lake house.

$500,000—Breakfast at Nancy’s
Limited to two lucky buyers, this package includes all “Nancy’s Gold” benefits plus a special “One Night With Nancy” card. This coupon entitles you to one 24-hour retreat at Nancy’s fashionable north Dallas home. Evening includes yummy take-out Chinese and 3 (THREE!) episodes of Law & Order in high definition. Breakfast and batteries included.

$1,000,000—All Nancy, Some of the Time
For a mere million, you (YOU!) can spend 15 hours a week (your choice) with Nancy. Plus the dinners, brilliant (really brilliant) conversation, birthday party (really fun birthday party), Valentine’s Day (yes, tongues), two 24-hour retreats, and tons of sexual innuendo. As a “mere millioner,” you will receive a fabulous weekend getaway with Nancy’s at her luxurious log cabin on the shore of Lake Frankston. Fishing license not included.

Applications currently available.

RE: FIGHTING CRIME

Wait a second. You are taking money from (I hope) a man who admires moi? Where is my cut? Is it Jim Schutze? (Married) Is it Gene Street? (Too cheap) How about Skip Hollandsworth? (Married) Brian Sweany? (Ditto) Hmm. Tell me. My money is on Thomas Wikman.

CELEBRITIES SPOTTED

An alert FBvian lets us know that Bricks and Stones is reporting:

Britney and K-fed were spotted at the Four Seasons in Irving, TX earlier today because he is supposed to have some local radio interviews tomorrow in the Dallas area (promoting his new CD I assume).

RE: FIGHTING CRIME WITH THE WALLET

Well, there you have it. A man who asked that I only describe him as “Nancy’s secret admirer” has donated $5,000. Wick has matched it. That’s $15,000 rasied today to help fight crime. $835,000 to go.

PEN CHIEF IN DALLAS

Kate Gale, the beautemous and activist president of PEN Center USA, headquartered in LA, comes to Dallas this weekend for the Writes of Spring Literary Festival, Friday through Sunday. PEN Texas, a regional chapter headquartered in Dallas, hosts a reception for Kate on Saturday at the Highland Park home of Joan Howell, whose husband, the late R. Patton Howell, was founder and first president of PEN Texas back in 1991. We’ll let you know how it goes.

Gale, a poet, novelist and publisher, also speaks at 3 p.m. Saturday at the festival on “Small Press Publishing.”

AN OPEN PROPOSAL

Jim Schutze, will you marry me? I love you.

OH, BADDY

Can you hear us moaning? Have you ever pleased this many women simultaneously? All that’s left are crumbs, baby.

RE: FIGHTING CRIME WITH THE WALLET

A challenging FBvian just offered to pony up $5,000 if D would match it. Developing.

THE WET STUFF

As always, Jim Schutze is worth a read this week. And I ain’t just saying that because he gives Paul credit for a story he wrote back in 2004. I’m saying it because:

“I stood on the corner of our street and watched the water thrash against curbs, leap around tree trunks, hurl automobiles out of its way–an enormous angry snake writhing, a demon up out of the earth howling, ‘Where is my creek?’”

Schutze is always a good muckraker. But I love it when he writes.

DALLAS MAN FIGHTS CRIME WITH HIS WALLET

In the current print version of FB, Wick wrote about Jack Hammack, a Dallas businessman who got fed up with high crime in Dallas and decided to do something about it. In that same issue, we also annotated the AR-15, the rifle that the DPD wants to put in the hands of its officers. As Sgt. Paul Stanford told us, “What we’ve been facing the last few years is patrol officers shooting from 20 to 30 yards with a shotgun, while the criminals have been shooting from 100 to 150 yards with assault rifles.” An AR-15 costs $1,000. The DPD needs 850 of them.

Well, yesterday a $5,000 check showed up in the mail, with the accompanying note to Wick (he’s too lazy to type it in):
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DENVER GETS IT, TOO

Denver’s city magazine, 5280, is kicking butt, including that of the city’s JOA (Joint Operating Agreement) dailies, according to Westword, the semi-rival altweekly.

I can see Wick smiling all the way from here. He figured it out a long time ago.

ANOTHER RESTAURANT BITES THE DUST, AND THEY CAN BITE ME

Dang, I’m either dangerous or stupid. In the February issue, Teresa Gubbins and I announced our picks for the ten best new restaurants in Dallas. By the time the magazine hit the stands, Chris Svalesen of Go Fish was fishing for a new restaurant, Tutto’s exec chef and owner Joseph Gutierrez was back in Phoenix, and Todd Erickson was no longer the whiz kid at Hector’s. (For the record, owner Hector Garcia did call.) I will never write about any of these flakes again. They all knew the issue was coming–we took their pictures for crap’s sake–and none of them had the courtesy to call me.

So, what happened when I turned in my Tony’s Prime Steakhouse review for the May issue? Eagle-eyed copy editor Laura Kostelny, the Lois Lane of D Magazine, called to fact check. They were closed. In operation only 62 days. (Nice business plan.) The owners I’d interviewed didn’t call, but chef Kenny Mills did. So, Kenny, this never-to-be-published review is for you:
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TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE IMMIGRATION DEBATE?

Allow me to recommend this week’s editorial in Park Cities People.

UTA LOGO GETS LOW MARKS

An alert FBvian lets us know that > ” href=”http://www.baddesignkills.com/”>Bad Design Kills has called UTA’s new (and very expensive) logo “craptacular.”

MY GIRL JENNY

I saw Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins at the DMA last night. It. Was. Awe. Some. Props to the DMA for snagging the lead singer of Rilo Kiley and her folk entourage. And props to my girl JL for singing almost every song from her first solo album, Rabbit Fur Coat. What’s a concert like at the DMA you ask? I was a tad concerned. Will people be more reserved and sit in their seats? Will it be a stuffier crowd than the Gypsy Tea Room? Will it feel like a concert? The answers are no, no, and yes. If the DMA pulls in someone like Jenny Lewis again, I’m there.

SMARTER THAN YOU THINK

This morning I spoke to a group of students on the LULAC student advisory council at Hillcrest High School about media, journalism and writing. The bonus for me was hearing the takes on the demonstration/rallies at City Hall earlier this week. Far, far better than listening to anything on Mark Davis rant-radio.
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¿QUIEN ES MAS MACHO?

Once again, I’m in the minority—I happen to like great-tailed grackles. You know those rude, noisy black birds with a groovy purple sheen, cold yellow eyes, and enormous keel-shaped tails. You’ve seen swarming hordes of them at sunset jockeying for position at intersections as they (noisily) attempt to roost. I love them because all the males think they’re the alpha. (Sound familiar?) And they never give up—that’s why the nightly ceremonies on the telephone wires at Belt Line and the Tollway, Preston Royal Shopping Center, and in front of the DMN, to name a few spots, are so fun to watch. When you stop and pay attention, you’ll find it’s not much different than watching the rituals that go on nightly in the bar at Bob’s on Lemmon. OK, there aren’t TVs, but females sit calmly, perhaps chatting about what happened over at Bachman Lake today (“Oh! I broke two nails trying to land on that bridge!”), as the males puff up and pounce from place to place in search of the perfect perch.

I give you this short background because for the next few weeks I want you to pay attention. The next time you’re driving or walking and you see a male great-tail on the ground, stop and watch. It’s time for spring mating, and chances are you will find a male performing his mating ritual: they strut, vibrate their wings, throw their heads back, and produce ear-piecing squeals and whistles. And, kids, let me tell you, if a guy ever put on a display like that for me, I’d be married. Of course, what we chicks don’t like about men, I mean male great-tailed grackles, is that they are polygynous—they mate with several females.

THEY’LL HAVE TO INVENT ANOTHER CIRCLE OF HELL

Robert Stephenson is about as horrible as they come. Unimaginable.