SPEAKING OF MY MONEY

I am currently developing a new financial plan for my life. It’s going so well I thought I’d share it with my fellow FrontBurnervian Females. Start selling yearly “sponsorship packages” for your life. Like mine:

$100,000—Nancy Lite
Package includes twelve dinners at Dallas’ finest restaurant, brilliant conversation, customized birthday party, Valentine’s Day card, and 3 dates of your choice.

$250,000—Nancy’s Gold
Sponsors who choose this option will receive 24 dinners, brilliant conversation with a hint of sexuality, customized birthday party, Valentine’s Day kiss (no tongues), 6 dates of your choice, and a tour of my lake house.

$500,000—Breakfast at Nancy’s
Limited to two lucky buyers, this package includes all “Nancy’s Gold” benefits plus a special “One Night With Nancy” card. This coupon entitles you to one 24-hour retreat at Nancy’s fashionable north Dallas home. Evening includes yummy take-out Chinese and 3 (THREE!) episodes of Law & Order in high definition. Breakfast and batteries included.

$1,000,000—All Nancy, Some of the Time
For a mere million, you (YOU!) can spend 15 hours a week (your choice) with Nancy. Plus the dinners, brilliant (really brilliant) conversation, birthday party (really fun birthday party), Valentine’s Day (yes, tongues), two 24-hour retreats, and tons of sexual innuendo. As a “mere millioner,” you will receive a fabulous weekend getaway with Nancy’s at her luxurious log cabin on the shore of Lake Frankston. Fishing license not included.

Applications currently available.