THE KINKY REPORT

This morning, Kinky Friedman spoke at Richland College. The occasion was the school’s annual literary festival. A FBvian was in the house and sends the following report:
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SMOKIN’ JOE IS ANGRY AT AN OIL COMPANY

Joe Barton is mad at Big Oil. Not really Big Oil, like ExxonMobil or Chevron. More like Biggish Oil Citgo. Why? Because they’re discounting heating oil to low-income people in the northeast. Go get ‘em, Joe.

ADRIEN BRODY

Famous for his oscar-winning performance in The Pianist as well as his infamous Halle Berry smooch, Adrian Brody was in town this weekend. Todd Wagner (who by the way is up for an Oscar himself for producing Good Night, And Good Luck) and lawyer Steve Stodgehill took him to Hibiscus for dinner and then they hit Candle Room. Seated in the VIP section, Brody ordered several bottles of Cristal (which he generously shared) and was surrounded by wishful women vying for the slender actor’s attention. Saturday it was on to a Mavs game and then back to Candle Room (and a few more bottles of Cristal). Word is Brody is starring in a Wagner/Cuban production. Candle Room is the place for star spotting as Wagner often brings his celeb friends through town and frequents the club (he’s an investor).

ONE-TRIP SALAD BAR

Some Taiwanese students have devised a way to make the most of the salad bar at their local franchise of Dallas-based Pizza Hut. Check it out.

DALLAS LIKES BIG BUTTS AND WE CANNOT LIE

Andrew Stevens, an actor-producer who once had a recurring role on Dallas, was apparently so taken with our fair city while filming the show that he has moved his family from L.A. to U.P. As he told the Dallas Business Journal, he plans to produce six independent films in North Texas this year, each with budgets of up to $15 million.

Stevens says Texas could become a hotbed for moviemaking. The prospect of state subsidies in addition to the existing sales tax incentive, plus Texas’ general lack of unions, set that stage, he said.

“I’m not here for just me,” Stevens said. “I could influence people to come here in droves.”

We don’t doubt that he’s in the right influential circles after checking out his résumé, which includes heavy-hitters like Illicit Dreams, Point of Seduction: Body Chemistry III, and Night Eyes 1 through 4. Not ringing a bell? Perhaps you’re more familiar with the work he did under his alias, Hugh Janus.

ATTN: HORSE FANS/AMATEUR SINGERS

The only thing preventing me from titling this post “Oh Say, Can You Sing?” is that this press release beat me to it. Lone Star Park is holding auditions for those of you who can carry a tune–specifically the National Anthem–and wish to carry it in Grand Prairie during the racing season.

HOW BIG A BOND ISSUE?

Yesterday morning City Manager Mary Suhm was leaving as Allisonette #3 and I were entering Lucky’s–where the Elite Meet to Eat–and then we ran smack dab into City Councilman Ed Oakley. What had they been chewing besides the food? How to fit all the infrastructure projects Dallas needs into a $1.3 billion bond issue. He didn’t ask for my opinion but–surprise!–I gave it. If you need more money, go for it. Dallas wants this city fixed.

SAM JOHNSON WILL SIC THE IRS ON YOU

A politically minded FrontBurnervian says we’re overlooking the big news of the day:

While you all are funning over George Michael’s substance abuse problems, is it possible you didn’t get around to the story on p. A3 of today’s WashPost, in which Plano Congressman Sam Johnson is shown to be doing the heavy lifting for Tom DeLay, getting an innocent Texas public interest organization audited by the IRS in
what can only be intimidation?

Indeed. And I’m sure the Morning News will run a scathing story about all this tomorrow.

RE: GEORGE MICHAEL

The former pop star has issued a statement about his drug arrest. In it, he is candid and frank, and he admits it was “[his] own stupid fault, as usual.”

Just like “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go.”

ROLLING STONE MOSTLY APPRECIATES RHETT MILLER

The mag says he’s an “underrated songwriter” and his second solo album, “The Believer,” recorded while the Old 97’s take a break, is a graceful arrangement of “ace tunes.” But it is, alas, somewhat conventional. RS gives it three-and-a-half stars.

RE: THANK YOU DALLAS DRINKERS

Last post about beer today, promise.

A FBvian who saw the write-up Friday had her own experience with Heineken Light over the weekend:

Heineken Premium Light made moving day (last Friday) and dealing with my mother’s incessant unpacking and arrangement advice much, much easier to bear (and with fewer calories involved too!). A good piece of advice: always pack the bottle opener in the first box you plan to open. That I figured out the hard way.

Shameless plug for a Dutch beer to end…

here.

CUBAN HAS A RUBBER GLOVE FETISH

A real-estate-deal-making FrontBurnervian alerts us to Mark Cuban’s most recent stunt. Cubes wants Howie Mandel to get The Donald to do that rubber-glove-on-the-head trick during The Donald’s appearance on Deal or No Deal. If Howie gets him to do it, Cuban will donate $1 million to the charity of Howie’s choice. I doubt it’s enough.

THE BRIDE WORE WHITE

Because we continue to outgrow whatever offices we lease, I now share space with the oh-so-fabulous women of D Weddings, who know everything there is to know about getting married in Dallas. But despite their expertise, I don’t think any of them would know how to cover a wedding like this one.

GETTING KINKY

Lovably eccentric Texas gubenatorial candidate Kinky Friedman is in town for a $500/plate fundraiser with supporters at Bob’s Steak & Chop House tonight. A former FrontBurnervian bigshot journalist alerts us that The Kinkster’s campaign got a big write-up in the Houston Chronicle recently, and they are using some quality source material:

“Friedman isn’t the only one urging Texans to skip the primaries, though. Park Cities People, a community newspaper for the wealthiest parts of Dallas, has been highly critical of Perry’s administration. The paper is urging Republicans to stay away from the polls so they can sign either the Friedman or Strayhorn petitions because the independents offer the “only opportunity” for a “full-throated” debate in November.”

GEORGE MICHAEL ARRESTED

An alert FBvian passes along the news that sometimes Dallas resident George Michael was picked up by London police yesterday. Our thoughts are with Kenny Goss.

ILLEGAL BBQ SAUCE?

In the Republican primary for Congressional District 30, Amir Omar is running against Wilson Aurbach. I recently got a dispatch from the Aurbach camp claiming that Omar might be violating election laws–with barbecue sauce. Campaign workers for Omar have been leaving bottles of sauce along with campaign materials at the homes of voters who have Aurbach signs in their yards. The Aurbach camps says:

Omar’s mass distribution of barbeque sauce to voters tastes like an illegal vote-buying scheme. In a similar case in 2000, Democratic operatives in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, were convicted of violating federal criminal law for handing out cigarettes to potential voters.

Developing.

Update: Relevant federal statutes below:
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