DALLAS RUMORS = STILL GOING

Blah, blah, blah Dallas. Blah, blah, movie version. Blah, blah, big-name actors, like Mel Gibson and Kevin Costner to play J.R. More here.

WHY CARL SEWELL PROBABLY DOESN’T LIKE NEW ORLEANS COPS

An alert FBvian brings us this item from NOLA.com about the 200 cars that were stolen from Carl Sewell’s New Orleans dealership. Looks like they might have been stolen by the cops.

RE: GORDON KEITH

Gordon Keith has released an official statement:

“My face is as red as my column. I have a team of Belo-educated folks that are supposed to catch my foe paws before they belie my resume varnish. In the words of Paul Kix, “[Expletive] Quick! They are sooo sux!”

IT DEPENDS. I SUPPOSE, ON WHO’S DOING THE BANNING

A message from Mitch Muncy, the editor of Dallas-based Spence Publishing, which publishes works of the conservation persuasion:

I’ve been doing radio interviews during the last week on “Banned Books Week,” the annual “celebration” of free speech sponsored by the American Library Association, the Association of American Publishers, and the American Booksellers Foundation for Free Expression. You will probably not be surprised to learn that my opinion of BBW is rather low.

Today, thanks to Technorati, the blog search service, I came across the following reaction to my comments. It is without a doubt the most evocative thing anyone has ever said about Spence Publishing.

“…his books s— and no one wants to read them . . . libraries and bookstores avoid them like steaming heaps of tainted dog feces.”

This will be very bad news for those of you who are or will soon be Spence Publishing authors, but you will be consoled to know that Spence has a very strong direct sales program.

PUN WITH ADS

A D-reading FrontBurnervian shares this NOTE with us about an advertisement in our November issue of Best Doctors:

I can’t believe nobody’s written about the neurosurgeon on page 158. One of the most serious of all medical disciplines, the dude’s in a t-shirt with guitar slung over his shoulder. I can see it now. I’ve got a hairline fracture that might leave me paralyzed. His response is, “Don’t FRET, you’re not in TREBLE. I BASS my diagnosis in acCHORDance with your ability to be in TUNE with my payment plan.”

Groan.

RE: DOWN WITH COMCAST

I have a Comcast update. So as not to confuse Tim, I’ll use only simple sentences. So as not to anger Wick, I’ll use, if not the Queen’s English, something better than the proletarian stuff he despises. Here goes.

Two hours late, the Comcast guy knocked on our door yesterday afternoon. After fiddling with some wires for a time, he told my girlfriend he could not install the cable. One of the lines through which the cable flowed did not work. (This may explain why my basic cable was less than basic.) My girlfriend asked if the guy who could fix the problem was in the area. The Comcast guy said we’d need to make another appointment.

We are still waiting to reschedule.

WHERE YOU SHOULD BE TONIGHT

You should be around Maple Avenue and Wolf Street for New Orleans’ very own Dirty Dozen Jazz Band who are going to be leading the Uptown Strut Jazz Benefit that benefits Mayor Miller’s Katrina relief fund. For more details, check out the e-mailed invite after the jump. Check it out.
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RE: “LET HIM ROLL”

A not-tin-eared FrontBurnervian writes:

Does Taco Cabana know that this song’s guitar refrain is used in some of their TV and Radio spots with Mr. Clark? Nothing like a song ’bout a whore to get you in the mood for TexMex.

Now the radio-listener’s comment that the song made him “want to eat a burrito and dance at the same time” makes sense.

RE: GORDON KEITH

Maybe a copy editor will read Gordon’s column before Decherd does:

And when you are 50, you’re privates are dead and you frantically defibrillate them with pills.

(Emphasis added.) Hey, Gordon? I love you.

“LET HIM ROLL”

Apropos of nothing (except the fact that I just heard the song on the radio on my way to lunch), I present to you the lyrics to “Let Him Roll” by Guy Clark. It’s a touching song about a wino in Dallas who fell in love with whore. Check it out.

GORDON KEITH IS FUNNY … BUT FOR HOW LONG?

Hey! This isn’t about the News. It’s about Quick. Totally different.

If you don’t read Gordon Keith’s column every Thursday, you should. It’s the grittiest, edgiest thing being published on paper in this city. And it’s funny. Today he writes about lust:

A man sorts women into three categories: “Would,” “Probably would” and “Over 70.” … The older woman is sexy, until she hits 40, then she’s worthless. Just kidding, ladies. (P.S. Or am I?)

When is Decherd going to pick up a copy of Quick and realize he’s publishing this and have Gordon Keith killed?

THANKYOU, THANKYOUVERYMUCH

As Tim mentioned, the Dallas Observer has done a whizz-bang job with their Best of Dallas® issue. And yippee for us! The editors over there (what’s left of them) named FrontBurner Best Blog in Dallas. And you, the readers, picked us No. 1, too! Grazie.

But, now I’m confused. In naming us Best Blog, the editors called this here site …

“… home to the best in local news flashes, gossipy bits and, lest we forget, chatter about hometown hotties such as Jessica Simpson and Amber Campisi (with photos attached, of course).”

But last year, when the DO proclaimed us Best Site To Catch Journalists Jerking Off–Mentally, That Is, the write-up said:

Anybody really care what D magazine’s writers think about Jessica Simpson, Alexa Conomos, Fireside Pies or other key issues of the day? Well, FrontBurner–a blog service of the publication’s Web site–is the place to go if you do, indeed, care that much.

So which is it? More Jessica Simpson (Lord, help me)? Or less?

RE: FURRY SKIES

An observant FBvian notes that the picture sure looks like it was taken aboard a bus. I agree. The e-mail in which I received the photo identified the pic as having come from the Baltimore Sun. The accompanying AP story clearly said “plane,” not “bus.” But developing …

THE FURRY SKIES

We told you earlier about Boone Pickens chartering a flight to rescue animals from New Orleans. Here is a picture taken aboard that flight. Puppies on airplanes are funny.

DMN ON DELAY

At some point, I promise, we’ll move on and stop picking on the News. I guess we’ll just have to stop reading the thing. Oh, wait.

Meantime, a helpful FBvian suggests other controversial stances that the editorial board might take in the future:

As humans, we breathe air.

Washing down a burrito supreme with Coors Light gives you gas.

Junior high can be a rough time for today’s youth.

Old people hate the Internet.

Hurricanes are big, scary storms.

Palestinians aren’t big fans of Israelis. And vice versa.

Women don’t like baseball.

Eventually, everybody dies.

DMN ON DELAY INDICTMENT: “DER, DU, DIDDLY-DEE!”

Forgive me in advance. The cool weather has me all excited and full of vinegar this morning. BUT WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AT DALLAS’ DAILY?

Tom DeLay gets indicted yesterday. Man, I turn right to the editorial pages this morning. I want some hot sports opinions. I want insight. I want something. First up is Carl “Is Such A” Leubsdorf. We’ve talked about him before. He’s the Washington bureau chief for the News. A big gun, right? An insider. In a column that reads like an eighth-grade report on DeLay’s political career, Leubsdorf makes the stunningly brilliant observation that:

Even if he is ultimately cleared, this may not end Mr. DeLay’s legal troubles … .

That’s the most insightful nugget from his column. Honestly. Unless you count the quote from the New Republic or the part where Leubsdorf wrote that DeLay, “where necessary, use[s] whatever means necessary to muscle measures through the House.” [sound of violent reverse peristalsis, followed by sound of orange juice fortified by one pureed banana hitting the floor]

And I know this post is getting too long, but then I turn to the official editorial in the News, the paper of record for the Southwest, George Bannerman Dealey’s baby. And you know what the editorial board thinks?

Democrat or Republican, no one wins when the political system gets rocked.

That’s the first sentence. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? First, YES, sometimes the entire country wins when the political system gets rocked. If the rocking shakes loose crooked people, WE WIN! But, second, the general sentiment of the editorial, if I understand it correctly, is: “People are angry at each other. That makes us sad. We want to be happy again.” Here is the most inflammatory section of the editorial, if your lifestyle is too busy to read the entire thing:

Mr. DeLay’s lawyers say they want a speedy trial, and we agree. … The sooner a jury can sort out the facts, the better it is for our system. Meanwhile, thank goodness for the GOP rule that required Mr. DeLay to step down temporarily as majority leader. … It’s now all about facts, not Republicans and Democrats.

The News has taken the brave stance of calling for the facts. And quickly! [sound of dry heaves]

CROSSWAYS WITH THE CROSSWORDERS

Earlier I commented on the crossword-puzzle implications of the DMN redesign. A self-identifyingly puzzle-solving FrontBurner agrees:

I think you mean tabloids there; a broadsheet would be like the sports or Metro or main sections. If that’s what you mean, then you’re right, the NYT puzzle should be like God intended it: in a broadsheet section, preferably in the back half, on the right side of a recto page. (It’s not particularly critical to me whether it’s above or below the fold, so long as it’s entirely above or below the fold.)

Anyway, I hate, hate, hate the tabloid section where the NYT crossword now languishes. Maybe by the end of the week I’ll figure out a way to fold the thing to do the NYT puzzle, but I’m sure I won’t like it. Two other gripes about it: numero uno, they chop off the name of whoever set the puzzle, and numero two-o, the clue font is weird. (Those are fairly wonkish complaints, but, like, whatever.)

It’s good to see, though, that the DMN is finally carrying the soduko puzzle since the makeover, so there’s that silver lining. Of course, it’d be nice if they printed these oddly addictive puzzles on a large enough grid not to require a jeweler’s loupe when I do them…

It’s not nice to hate. But I agree.